Fin. (which is Artsy Hipster for "Sniff you later")
8/16/2004 1:07:21 AM
Well, I think this is it.
Overall, this blogging thing has been interesting. As you could probably tell, this whole thing has ultimately drained the hell out of me. I’ve lost the will to blog.
It’s been a good exercise, in a way. I can’t write about people unless I’m comfortable being written about. And there’s something to the idea that one should always act as if their words and actions will be publicly discussed the next day. It keeps us all honest about the shit we deal with, and the shit we toss on each other. But I’ve been hesitant to get into my own weirdness because it seems that few people can relate and even fewer would mention it publicly if they did. So I haven't been as candid as I could have been.
The brief exgirlfriend uprising was also weird. I’ve dated a lot. Only about three of my exes would go out of their way to trash talk me. All three have managed to find my blog. Their contributions have ranged from a brief all out war to passive-aggressive backhand slaps. I really have nothing bad to say about them, at least nothing worse than what people could say about me, but the blog has caused them to gravitate towards me, when we’d all be better off if we allowed ourselves to drift towards apathy.
There is an entire universe that isn’t affected by where my cock has been, and I need to spend more time housekeeping there. My job is horrible, my Vicodin ran out, and my roommate won’t stop whistling. All of these issues and more need to be resolved.
Even aside from much of my universe imploding, I’m burned out on dating. I feel like a chess Grand Master. After a while, you see the same moves over and over. Just like Kasparov can mentally play a game to completion after the first few moves, lately I can look at a person I just met, analyze the first few exchanges of a conversation, and declare "Breakup in two months".
Hooksexup itself has been a great experience for me. It has led to me getting my cool-as-shit converted loft space. And I’ve met some amazing people through this thing. People who live literally around the corner, but in another world. People who I never would have met otherwise. People who have made my life better.
The downside is that there are eight million people in NYC, but lately I feel like I’ve been running into the same twelve over and over. And I haven’t been stellar at maintaining new relationships. Sometimes it has been due to finding myself with really needy people, but honestly, a lot of it is shit I carry around myself. Anyway, if and when I meet someone new, I’d like to once again rely on my bedroom eyes and my masculine sculptor’s hands rather than my angsty acerbic egghead writing. So I’ll be folding up shop and letting my Hooksexup profile drop.
My life will go on. I might even fire up my profile at a later date – I’ve done it before. But the events on my life won’t be timestamped on a website anymore. Despite the fact that I've given very little information about myself and my activities, the freedom to not talk about eveything is something I'm looking forward to.
But as far as you warped lookie-loos are concerned, my story ends here.
Thank you for your patronage.
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