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Sex Advice From Spencer Pratt

MTV wanted us to interview Spencer Pratt of
The Hills' "fame." We  wanted to know if he talked like that in real life. We wished we would have had a shot of whiskey for every time he brought up his "brand," but then we would have died. Yours to enjoy!

On the new season of The Hills, you guys are dealing with newlywed life. I'm getting married in two months and suddenly I'm getting cold feet. I love my boyfriend, but I'm afraid things will change. How should I prepare for the realities of marriage?
I never really got cold feet. I think if I had gotten cold feet, I wouldn't be married right now. This is the biggest decision of your life, I don't think you can even have that feeling. So, I think she should reconvene and postpone. Tell them due to mental illness.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie might be going through some bumpy times. What do you think Brangelina could learn from your successful relationship?
I think that since their relationship was founded on infidelity, their structure, their foundation is always going to be impossible. She's always going to be thinking, "Wait. You already did this to Jen. Are you gonna do this to me?" Thank God I don't live that life, because I don't see how you can keep that marriage together. Personally, if I got together with my wife after cheating on my last wife, I'd definitely think my wife is a shady little hussy who could be cheating on me any time.spencer1

What should Kristin Cavallari do to find true love?
Kristin Cavallari doesn't want true love. One of my favorite quotes from her, she looks at Heidi and goes, "I'm no angel, baby," and winks. There are people like Heidi — all heart, who just wants love and marriage — and there's Kristin, who knows what she's about. [laughs] Tune in to find out!

How about Perez Hilton? What should he do to find love?
I've talked to him about that before. It's going to be difficult because he's so famous and so powerful now. There are probably tons of guys out there who would pretend to have feelings to get in a certain position next to him. I'd say be cautious, and go outside of America to find someone who does not know what PerezHilton.com is. Go back to your Latin roots. Go to Cuba and find your husband.

If you were playing matchmaker to Al Roker, who would you set him up with?
Whoever the big, local weather woman is in New York. So when it's raining they can be depressed together.

My boyfriend's growing out a beard, but it's scratchy and hurts my cheeks and delicate lady parts. He won't shave. How can I learn to love the beard?
I just keep my beard because everyone hates it so much. I'm not the one to ask about beard maintenance. I would say wait until he's asleep, with a few drinks in him, and get a quiet automatic razor and carefully, strategically buzz that beard right off his cute little face.

Heidi recently posed in Playboy. Can posing nude make me feel better about my body? Can it be empowering?
Yeah, but definitely do what Heidi did and go to theheidimontagworkout.com. Train for a couple of months and you'll have the powerful curves that my wife has, and then those powerful curves will give you that empowering confidence that you'd want to pose naked. Definitely do not go to the local pizzeria for two months and then take off your clothes and then wonder why you feel guilty about it. I personally tried the pizzeria thing yesterday, and took some photos of myself naked and I was looking way too soft.

So you don't like the larger ladies?
No, no, no, there's a difference between large and powerful. When I say powerful, powerful is a large lady. I don't think there's one supermodel I find attractive. Any girl that claims she's a model means she has to follow a model diet, which means they can have no flesh on their bones, which means they have no body. And I love my wife's body and not her bones. If I wanted to marry a skeleton, I could have just gone to the Halloween shop.

My boyfriend is obsessed with becoming a reality-TV star; he thinks he'll win Big Brother. I'm scared it will hurt our relationship. What tips can you give me about keeping a relationship strong in the face of reality TV?
I would buy our book that comes out in November, How To Be Famous, by Heidi and Spencer, and that would definitely have some helpful hints. But it's all the test of the relationship — I think every man should have to go through a reality show with their family members, before they have to get married, because that proves that he can handle a marriage. Reality TV for marriage is like the crash dummy in the commercials for cars.

Comments ( 14 )

Oct 02 09 at 12:43 pm
SD

This is fake.. right? Right??

Oct 02 09 at 1:07 pm
RP

Mommy? Make the bad man go away....

Oct 02 09 at 5:42 pm
BM

Wait, did you seriously refer to him as "America's sweetheart"? Is today April's Fools Day? Please stop giving these people publicity!

Oct 02 09 at 9:26 pm
sara

BM, I'm going to assume they are employing the little-known rhetorical device called "sarcasm." It may have gone over your head.

Oct 02 09 at 11:43 pm
BGL

I hope you asked him a hard-hitting personal question, to which he choked up while replying "That's the problem."

Oct 03 09 at 2:32 am
Cynic

Not too bad, actually. I haven't seen the show, though.

Oct 03 09 at 3:26 am
BC

Don't disrespect Spencer Pratt. I never watched The Hills, but I can see why it might be compelling. This guy is young and sooo cheesy, but he still manages to come off like a person speaking the honest truth.

Oct 04 09 at 8:08 am
EKA

Wow, I don't think that was so bad, actually. The guy has valid points and a sense of humour. Makes me wonder just how much of The Hills is staged...

Oct 04 09 at 3:20 pm
laurenarielo

I have never liked The Hills, but that was a refreshingly entertaining read. Love it!

Oct 05 09 at 12:48 am
RevTen

I wonder, especially when it comes to people who are famous for being famous(hint hint), if we all collectively decide that we don't want to hear or see anything from or about these people, will they go away? If the paparazzi mags stop paying for pictures of certain people, will people stop caring about them?

Oct 05 09 at 1:13 pm
Lisa

He's exactly the same as any other salesman, only his brand is himself (and Heidi). If you take away all the self-promotion (which he's probably required by contract to do), that was a very normal interview.

Oct 05 09 at 1:31 pm
Monica

Don't normally like them (never seen the Hills but find them mind-numbing in magazines) but this was actually very straight-forward and funny. It definitely seems like he's in on the joke a la Paris Hilton.

Oct 07 09 at 1:22 am
N

I love Spencer and I love the Hills! I think people just don't like celebrities out of envy. Hey, Spencer entertains me so yeah I'm gonna read his interview and I'm glad I did, it was worth reading.

Mar 15 11 at 6:48 pm
Eh

I have no idea who these people are.

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