It's President's Day and just like every year, lists ranking the efficacy, intelligence, and popularity of the forty-three U.S. Presidents abound. Here at Hooksexup, we put together our own list, celebrating the most important presidential characteristic: sex appeal.
Certainly the least sexy person connected in any way to Deep Throat, Richard Nixon is irredeemable. The receding brow, the virulent racism, the opposition to everything sexy about the '60s. This man gives the lie to the idea that power is always sexy.
There's not much to say about Taft, except that out of all the presidents, he definitely bore the strongest resemblance to Garfield the cat. He ended the Progressive Era and later became Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, but we're guessing the only thing you know about him is that he once got stuck in the White House bathtub.
He had a face like putty and a dour look only a banker could love. Also, his name was Warren. Unsexy.
He was chubby, old, and undistinguished. Very few have ever fantasized about Benjamin Harrison, possibly because most people have forgotten he existed.
Cleveland was the only man to serve two non-consecutive terms, thereby screwing up the numbering system — thanks for that, buddy. He was also very ugly.
Quincy Adams looks like an angrier, skinner, balder version of his father (no prize himself).
He gave us most of the legal principles we value dearly, but he did not do New England proud in the looks department, with a face that wouldn't be out of place at a Belushi family reunion. (And actually, there's a reason Paul Giamatti got cast in his biopic.)
He had a big nose, a bad comb-over, and luckily for him, the Darwin Awards were still over a century away from their inception: after refusing to wear an overcoat while giving his Inaugural Address, he caught pneumonia, and died a month into his term. FAIL.
The puckered old-man face is a turn-off, but causing the Great Depression is worse.
He's ugly, he knows it, and he doesn't care. (Which, actually, is kind of sexy... but still.)
A giant, white-haired baby.
Rutherford B. Hayes botched Reconstruction, to the lasting detriment of African-Americans. He also had a stupid beard.
Sure, he's the father of the Constitution, but he was only five-foot-four.
The strong, silent type... in an off-putting, "please don't make my skin into a lampshade" kind of way.
McKinley's huge forehead and stern demeanor remind us of a high-school principal, and while some people out there harbor leftover teacher-student fantasies, we're not among them.
Arthur was not a very attractive man, but he rocked some outrageous muttonchops. (Here, let's take a closer look.) Confidence is sexy, and it definitely takes confidence to look like that.
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