Dispatches

The 21 Sexiest Elderly

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Forget the Jonas Brothers and swimsuit season. In this ripe month of August we’re celebrating the bounty of well-developed fruit. Yes, it’s the Top 21 Sexiest Elderly People. Sadly, at age sixty-four, Helen Mirren just missed the boat (but we hope she keeps wearing those red bikinis). Bill Clinton can rock North Korea, but he’s still a babe-in-the-woods compared to these vintage lovers. Like fine wine, these sixty-five-and-older folks keep getting better with age. We’d never kick them out of bed. Especially because they might break a hip. — Nicole Ankowski


21) Lauren Hutton
Decades before Cindy Crawford’s mole became the most sought-after beauty blemish, Lauren Hutton’s trademark gap-toothed grin made her America’s original supermodel. Her lithe body, shoulder-length blond coiffure and unabated tenacity are just as striking today as they were in her heyday. But, to be clear, age is not an issue for the sixty-five-year-old model and actress. Unlike many of her contemporaries, she continues to resist the latest Hollywood remedies for aging, refusing to view her lines and wrinkles as evidence of diminishing appeal. She insists on not being air-brushed or retouched, a conscious choice not to become what she terms a "plastic egg." Whatever her secret, it must be working, because in 2005, she posed nude for Big magazine, giving women-of-a-certain-age everywhere yet another reason to admire the perennial style maven. — Andre Stanton

20) George Takei
One good way to exert sexual magnetism is to live an interesting life. George Takei has lived a number of interesting lives: he spent his early childhood in a Japanese internment camp; he emerged as one of the first Asian-American actors to play a non-subservient character on American TV (as Mr. Sulu in the original Star Trek) and, at sixty-eight, he told the public he was gay, quickly becoming a warm, eloquent, and playful spokesman for gay rights. Only a Vulcan could’ve held back tears when the legendary actor wed his partner of twenty years in 2008. (And actually, wedding guest Leonard Nimoy might contest that.) Then there’s that wicked sense of humor — always primed for a self-effacing quip, delivered with that unmistakable baritone voice and twinkling eye. Belatedly, we congratulate Mr. Takei and his spouse, and find ourselves a little jealous of the latter. — Peter Smith

19) Vanessa Redgrave
Born into a British stage dynasty, Vanessa Redgrave never struggled to find an audience. Her theater, film and television work earn consistent accolades. And she’s never been afraid to speak her mind: after winning an Oscar for Julia in 1978, she famously denounced "a small group of Zionist hoodlums" to audience boos and a smackdown from subsequent presenter Paddy Chayefsky. Her candor and talent remain as alluring as her bare skin was in Blow Up forty years ago. — Billy Gray

18) Nelson Mandela
When we were sixteen, we decided it would be hilarious to wear buttons for progressive causes that had already been achieved. It started with a "Free Nelson Mandela" button. We quickly noticed that whenever we wore the button, we got laid. Mandela gave that thing power. At ninety-one, the man’s still got it. There are others on this list who have pretended to be powerful men, and were sexy doing it. Mandela is a man of actual power, a revolutionary with a smile that sparks both infinite comfort and a desire to go out and change the world with your bare hands. He is unstoppably sexy. John Constantine

17) Ben Kingsley
For some, the phone-booth sex scene between Mary-Kate Olsen’s underage hippie Union and Sir Ben Kingsley’s debauched psychiatrist Dr. Squires in The Wackness (2008) may have damaged the film’s plausibility, not to mention (considering the glaring age difference) some stomachs. But consider the doctor’s charm and commanding presence — the same qualities that the sixty-five-year-old Kingsley has radiated effortlessly through his accomplished film career (well, maybe not so much in Thunderbirds) — and you’ll understand why any lady, young or old, would want some of his Oscar-winning lovin’. Add in his title of Commander of the Order of the British Empire, and it’s easy to see just how much of a Sexy Beast Kingsley is. — Nelson Bermudez

16) Toni Morrison
Toni Morrison doesn’t just breathe life into language — she does so with a soothing kiss, as is most evident in her most famous works Song of Solomon and Beloved, for which she won the Pulitzer Prize. The grace of her words matches that of her presence. With her silver dreadlocks, and the ability to disarm you with a soul-penetrating stare one minute, but enchant you with the warmest smile the next, there’s more to measure Morrison’s sexiness with than her language. — N.B.

15) Patrick Stewart
Patrick Stewart went almost completely bald before the age of twenty, and we wouldn’t want him any other way. What could have been a lesser man’s curse, Stewart turned into a signature — could you imagine Captain Jean-Luc Picard with a wavy mane? And his shiny dome made him a shoe-in for his other big role, Professor X. Stewart possesses the kind of assured confidence that we would gladly follow into whatever alien world or superhero battle he chose, with a smile that could melt butter and a voice that could melt anyone with ears. At that point, hair is irrelevant. — James Brady Ryan

14) Gloria Steinem
Waiting in line last year to get our copy of Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions signed by Gloria Steinem, we couldn’t believe that the vibrant, authoritative, and attractive woman whom we were rapidly falling for was in her seventies. Looking at her, you see the beautiful femininity she has tirelessly fought for. From her iconic streaked hair, aviator shades, and undercover Playboy bunny suit of the sixties, to her present form as a stunning seventy-five-year-old legend of feminism, graceful Gloria could convert even the most stubborn misogynist. (Even if, as she herself would argue, for the wrong reason. But it feels so right!) — N.B.

13) Julie Christie
"I think I may be beginning to disappear," says Julie Christie in Away from Her. Luckily, the knockout actress has decided to stay in view, driving us to distraction all the while. Christie’s flawless face and piercing eyes have been showcased in some of the greatest movies ever made. She also managed to tame notorious rake Warren Beatty for seven years during New Hollywood’s debauched peak. Beatty described her as "the most beautiful and at the same time the most nervous person" he’d ever known, high praise given his peerless cocksmanship. At a time when twenty-five-year-old starlets sign up for voluntary botulism, Christie remains, at sixty-eight, the picture of fine-aged grace. — B.G.

12) Jack Nicholson
In The Witches of Eastwick, an exasperated Cher brutally delineates to Jack Nicholson the reasons she’d never sleep with him. She calls him vulgar, repulsive, intellectually retarded and even smelly. Needless to say, the next day, she reveals to Michelle Pfeiffer that he was such a good lay, she can barely walk. I imagine this is a common two-step women do with Jack Nicholson — he might look like a garden gnome, but a hot garden gnome. We’ve all seen the tabloid photos of a scantily dressed Nicholson (yikes!) and his gorgeous fling-of-the-week sunbathing on his boat. Couple that with the litany of conquests that he’s racked up, the number of children he’s fathered by various women, and it’s apparent just why Jack Nicholson is such a stud: he’s the quintessential Hollywood bachelor. So watch out, Clooney. — A.S.

11) Judi Dench
The only cast member to transfer over from the best-forgotten Pierce Brosnan-era to the new and improved Bond films, Judi Dench has nothing if not staying power. She may have started as the pretty young thing in every Shakespeare play ever, but these days, you get the sense that she’s reached an age at which she does whatever the hell she wants to do. And while most people in their seventies take this license to talk during movies and yell at bank tellers, Dench decided to look great in a pantsuit while verbally bitch-slapping Daniel Craig. — J.B.R.
10) Robert De Niro
Robert De Niro, despite his age, could probably kill you. This is not simply because his best-known characters — Travis Bickle, Vito Corleone, and Jake La Motta — were all intimately familiar with physical violence. In fact, De Niro himself once joined a gang, once broke a man’s rib, and (as a method actor) must be a pretty good shot by now. But what makes him so attractive is that, despite knowing twenty ways to execute you, he probably won’t — DeNiro just seems like an affable guy and a dedicated actor and director. And who wouldn’t want to run around with a sweetheart hiding a powerful right-hook? — J.B.R.

9) Ian McKellen
Somehow, in the past decade, Ian McKellen illogically made the jump from respected British actor and gay-rights activist to box office good-luck charm, showing up in the hugely successful X-Men and Lord of the Rings trilogies. His portrayals of Gandalf the Grey and Magneto couldn’t be more different — just think back to the way McKellen managed to make so many of Magneto’s words sinister and sexually suggestive. And then try and imagine that, but with hobbits instead of a latex-covered Rebecca Romijn. It’s no wonder the septuagenarian could bag such a hot young date for the 2002 Oscars. — J.B.R.

8) Raquel Welch
Ten years before perhaps the most iconic poster of a woman ever, another image made it onto the scene that would change boys’ bedroom doors for all time: a young Raquel Welch, clad in pelts, standing as confused as busty over a pre-historic desolation, as the promo for cult classic One Million Years B.C. (watchable for no reason but Raquel). Her big-lipped, big-everythinged appeal continues to fascinate, even as she approaches seventy. — J.H.

7) Clint Eastwood
We don’t like the negative connotation of the phrase "ravaged by age." Clint Eastwood has been ravaged by age, but in the same way as the Rock of Gibraltar. Time has made Eastwood’s chiseled jaw sharper, his eyes more piercing. And that chest is, if anything, broader in Gran Torino than it was in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Forget the cowboy’s good looks, though, and notice his skill. Eastwood has directed some of the most successful and beloved American dramas of the past ten years. Sure, The Changeling sucked, but screw it. He’s still hot. — J.C.

6) Sidney Poitier
Sidney Poitier was the first African-American ever to win the Oscar for Best Actor (in 1963 for Lilies of the Field), and in 1967 he helped Hollywood take two more significant steps forward in race relations, first with the famously defiant and self-possessed line, "They call me Mr. Tibbs!" in the classic In the Heat of the Night, then as the boyfriend of unexpected ethnicity in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. These and other films established Poitier as a top-flight actor, but the four decades since have shown him to be as classy, erudite, and progressive as the roles he’s played. — J.H.
5) Sophia Loren
It’s not often that an actress plays romantic leads for over four decades, but the sultrier-than-sultry Loren has been gracing celluloid from her early twenties (with everything from the pure gorgeousness vehicle Two Nights with Cleopatra to the intense war classic La Ciociara) into her sixties (Grumpier Old Men, Prêt-à-Porter) and beyond. With her incomparable dark eyes, luxurious lips, and wild brunette ringlets, she’s like a distillation of all the beauty that is Italian. Brava, bellissima, brava! — J.H.

4) Sean Connery
Time was, the world thought of Sean Connery and pictured a hairy-chested slice of man-candy walking out of the ocean in a Speedo. He was the premiere symbol of sophisticated sex. But today’s youth weren’t raised on Bond. We were weaned on the silver fox playing Indiana Jones Sr. Our Connery was weathered, experienced, and far more sexy than the impudent secret agent that made him famous. His mere presence made a stinker like Entrapment hot. Its heist plot strains credulity, but Connery’s ability to seduce the much-younger Catherine Zeta-Jones doesn’t even raise an eyebrow. — J.C.

3) Tina Turner
No second-hand emotions here — she may only be a shockingly short five-foot-four, but with four-inch-heels, sky-scratching hair, and a voice that can shake your molars, Tina Turner could be half that tall and still kill it on stage. Anyone who appeared in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and Tommy is automatically on our list of awesome people, but her fortitude is amazing. Not only did she dominate the charts despite her well-known abuse at the hands of Ike Turner, she managed an astounding comeback in her forties. And while all of that would be more than enough — dear God, have you seen her legs? — J.B.R.

2) Jane Fonda
Jane Fonda seems to have lived a cat’s nine lives. From supersexy space starlet in Barbarella, to serious actress in They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? and Klute (for which she won an Oscar), to political activist, fitness-video pioneer, one-time wife of Ted Turner, and now actress again (Monster in Law, etc.), she’s been born and reborn, but always as a impressive blend of hot, sharp, and with-it. Sometimes we call someone worldly because they’re cultured and sophisticated; with Fonda, it’s because she’s also opted to understand this globe and make a difference. — J.H.

1) Robert Redford
When Paul Newman died and took his icy blues with him, Robert Redford was left as Hollywood’s last Renaissance man. Actor, director, producer, philanthropist — the Sundance Kid has come a long way. Speaking of Sundance, maybe it’s the independent film showcase he helped organize that keeps him sprightly and relevant. Or maybe it’s that there’s no one waiting in the wings who comes close. Brad Pitt might share Redford’s brand of apple-pie handsome, but can you imagine St. Brad squinting his way through roles like Jay Gatsby and Bob Woodward? Redford didn’t so much have a head start in the looks department; the other runners never heard the gun. But still, when he says "I’m not a facelift person. I am what I am," we’re all better for it. — B.G.

 

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