Entertainment

The Meta-Oscars

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Highlights and lowlights from the 2010 Academy Awards.

Welcome to the Meta-Oscars, our chance to turn the tables on the Academy and give out prizes for the best and worst of this year’s broadcast — because why should those guys have all the fun of handing out superlatives?

Best Speech:  Christoph Waltz

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There were a decent number of Best Speech contenders this year; most winners were light on the hysterics. Mo’nique was thoughtful and practiced like only an absolute shoe-in can be, and Sandra Bullock was charming enough that we forgot how much we didn’t want her to win. But we’re going to go with the first receipient of the evening, Christoph Waltz, for sustaining an actually logical metaphor about exploration through the entirety of his speech, and for having a cute accent.

Worst Speech: Peter Sarsgaard

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We had our doubts when the winner of Best Costume Design began with, “Well, I already have two of these…” but she pulled it out in the end. So instead, this award goes to Peter Sarsgaard, for his speech about Best Actress nominee Carey Mulligan. The pace was slow, no one laughed at the jokes, and we couldn’t tell when he was talking about his creepy, lecherous characters, and when he was talking about himself.

Best Outfit:  Meryl Streep

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Despite our substantial fashion expertise here at Hooksexup, a lot of what we saw only made us think, “Ooooo, pretty.” We’ll go with Meryl Streep’s white cowl-neck number for an interesting neckline and because it was designed by Chris March, everyone’s favorite Project Runway teddy bear.

Worst Outfit: Jennifer Lopez

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If there was one look that stood clearly away from the pack, waiting to be torn apart by hungry predators (People and In Touch) like a sickly zebra, Jennifer Lopez’s gown was it, clearly the best old bedspread that money can shape into a vagina. On the red carpet it looked merely crazy; on stage it looked crazy and like it was made of bubble wrap.

Best Performance at the Academy Awards: The League of Extraordinary Dancers

This is basically a choice between the two hosts and the dance troupe invited to do their thing over the music nominated for Best Score. Baldwin and Martin were great, but we’re afraid they were no match for floor dancing, a Brooks Brothers mannequin doing the robot, and a group of pop-‘n-lockers led by what appeared to be Joey Fatone. They tore that shit up.

Best Joke: “What’s up with all the Hitler memorabilia?”

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Hey, this year’s Oscars were actually pretty funny and self-aware, weren’t they? Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin as co-hosts gave us an admirable number of lines to choose from. But the one that made us laugh out loud was the allegation that Meryl Streep has a strange passion for Nazi souvenirs.

Best Chemistry Between Presenters: Robert Downey, Jr and Tina Fey

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Robert Downey, Jr. and Tina Fey take this one handily, handling the roles of frustrated writer and vainglorious actor with ease. Though we do find it funny that Tina Fey can still talk about “actors” like she isn’t one. Who knew that if you put two people with good comic timing together, they’ll actually be funny? The Academy Awards should try that again some time!

Worst Chemistry Between Presenters: Sarah Jessica Parker and Tom Ford

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Sarah Jessica Parker and Tom Ford could not have looked more uncomfortable if they tried. We don’t think either so much as glanced at the other while they read their lines in a vaguely stilted monotone. It didn’t help that Ford was squinting like he forgot his glasses and Parker actually took a moment to tug at the collar of her dress, bombing-comedian style.

Most Awkward Moment: Elinor Burkett

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Well, this is obvious. The Oscars must be so happy to have their own Kanye West moment, except instead of Taylor Swift they have Roger Ross Williams, producer and director of Music by Prudence, and instead of West they have the maybe-actually-fired-from-being-producer Elinor Burkett. Considering Burkett’s relative level of fame, however, the incident will remain a topic of conversation for perhaps one to two minutes after you read this.

Most Random Appearance: Neil Patrick Harris

We want to state, for the record, that we love Neil Patrick Harris and he can do no wrong in our eyes. And, in fact, his opening musical number for the show was a lot of fun, in a campy kind of way. But out of everyone who popped up, he was the only one who made us wonder if we were somehow watching the Golden Globes.

Biggest Surprise: Farrah Fawcett’s absence from the ‘In Memoriam” montage

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While perhaps understandable, the Fawcett snub certainly caught us off guard. Yes, Fawcett was primarily a TV actress, but when you include Michael Jackson and use a clip from “Thriller” to illustrate his contributions to the film industry, it’s clear that you’re willing to fudge a little.

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