Farmer Receives $4 Million After His Penis Was Skinned by Vicious Machinery

Oh, just rub some dirt in it.

by Conor Gallagher

According to the 2010 US Census, 59,492,376 people, or 19.3 percent of the total US population, live in rural areas. At least one has had his genitals skinned by farm equipment.

In a court ruling, said man was awarded $4 million dollars by an Alabama jury for the injury (yup, they’re just calling it an injury) he sustained while working for Kendrick Farms in August of 2010. Gerald Lymon, the injured (see: skinned) man was working with another employee while digging holes in order to fence about 40 acres of land. Lymon was working on the ground level while his co-worker operated the tractor driven post hole digger. Imagine, if you will, a giant corkscrew that rotates (menacingly) by your legs. As the story so often goes, the drill hit a hard something or other, knocked over Lymon and proceeded to eat his pants, presumed underwear, and everything they contained.

Upon further investigation and testimony, it was discovered that although farm work is considered dangerous (we’ve all read Of Mice and Men), Lymon and his co-worker were allegedly not trained properly. Further, it was determined that Kendrick Farms was in violation of the Alabama Employer Liability Act which brings it all back to the $4 million macaroons. An appreciated sum? Probably. Worth it? Not at all. 

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