Someone Is Trying to Sell A Johnny Carson Sex Tape

A penis almost as long as his TV career.

by Liam Mathews 

According to TMZ, legendary talk show host Johhny Carson's private sex tape is being shopped around to collectors. The tape, which was recorded sometime in the '70s, is owned by someone outside of the Carson estate. The owner attempted to ransom the tape to the Carson estate in September, but they declined to buy and threatened legal action if the owner sold it. But this owner is allegedly shopping the tape around to private buyers (for legal reasons, the tape cannot be sold to a porn production company).

Apparently, Johnny Carson is extraordinarily well-endowed. Not surprising, considering how confident he came off on the air. I bet David Letterman is packing, too. 

I may be in the minority, but I hope this tape doesn't become available for public consumption. First of all, it's weird to watch dead people have sex. Sex is one of the greatest things an alive person can do, and watching a video of someone doing it while knowing the details of that person's inevitable fate is a boner-killer. I don't like to be reminded of my own mortality while I'm trying to masturbate.Once a person is dead, all sexual recordings should be banished.

Second of all, Johnny Carson is a symbol of class and refinement and old Hollywood, a time before sex tapes, when public figures were allowed to have private lives. He was dignified. Let him keep his dignity. Like the JFK/RFK/Marilyn Monroe tape that may or may not emerge, this tape's release deserves to be canceled. It's enough to know that Johnny Carson had a ten-inch penis. We don't need our own private performance of "Heeeere's Johnny!"

Image via Alan Light.