Talking to Strangers: New York, NY

Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we've just met.

By Lina Canney and Libby Rumelt

Piper, 25

So you're a bartender — has that ever gotten you laid?
It could have gotten me laid a million times over, but unfortunately and fortunately, I've had a boyfriend for the whole time I've been a bartender. So, being the good girl that I am, I've had to shut down those options.

Have there been times that you've wanted to sleep with a customer?
Yes! A lot of hot customers. Plus, you work at a bar and everyone's liquored up, I'm usually liquored up, so there's a lot of alcohol consumption and conversation...

So as a female bartender, what are the things that win you over? What stands out?
You see so many douchebags. You see guys who come in with girls, but then they're talking to you, I mean, you've almost got to not notice me for me to notice you. There are so many people who want a free drink or are a bartender or have worked in a bar or know how bars work, and they think they know just what to say to you. It has to be the end of the night and this last, lone handsome guy comes in saying he's had a horrible night or something.

Have you ever had sex in a place you work?
No. But the first guy I was ever involved with, I met at the restaurant we worked in. The walk-in is a magical place. Restaurant owners haven't figured this out yet — they have cameras everywhere except the walk-in. That's where the shots go down, that's where you sneak your food, that's where you eat all the ice cream, and that's where you make out with the hot chef you're in love with.

You dated a chef?
I would like to say we dated, but I don't think he would call it that.

So how long have you and your boyfriend been involved?
My boyfriend, who I met when we were bartending together, has been with me for three years.

How's the sex?
The first year was amazing. The second year was mediocre. The third year... it's a little nonexistent right now.

Why do you think that is?
I guess when you work with somebody, because it's off-limits and you see each other with customers, it's a turn-on. Making people jealous is fun and a turn-on. And now we don't work together. We're doing our own thing, and it's a relationship now. We're worried about more things than just sex. We're worried about rent and the cat box and food, and sex has become not a top priority. It's monthly. Twice a month.

How do you feel about that? How many times a week would you like to be having sex?
If he could take the initiative and make it so things were like they used to be, it would be sex every time we saw each other. I could have sex every day. I might not enjoy it every day, but I could fake it a few times. I would like to have sex at least once a week. No. At least two to three times a week.

You never initiate sex?
No, I do.

Has it become only you initiating?
It's become way too big of a deal. It's become me initiating it. It's become me getting frustrated that I'm initiating it. I mean it's on the table; it's an open thing. We know we're not having sex, and we're trying to figure out why that is.

Do you think sex is a barometer for the relationship?
I never thought it would be, because my relationships are never based on a physical thing. It's never been, oh, that guy is fucking hot, I want to date him. It's come about because I met somebody, I liked him, we became friends, and he's funny. Humor is my thing, so I never thought sex would define my relationship. But at this point, I've come to realize sex is a very, very, very important thing, and when it's not there, you don't want to feel like you're not sexy. You don't want to feel like your boyfriend doesn't want to throw you down and have sex with you every chance he gets. So yes, it's a defining factor.

What you wish he would do to you?
I like, "I will not take no for an answer. I'm gonna take you, I'm going to bend you over this table, I'm going to rip your fucking panties off, and I don't care if you don't like it, I'm gonna stick it in you." I want a throwdown. I want him to take initiative and just be like, "Shut the fuck up, bitch." And if there's a slap involved, I'm okay with that.

 

Michael, 27

What do you do?
I'm a musician.

Has that ever gotten you laid?
Yes, it has.

Oh, of course it has. Any good stories? A particularly ballsy chick, perhaps?
Well, this has accelerated very quickly.

Sorry. We like to jump right in. Has a girl ever thrown her panties at you?
I'm immediately embarrassed.

Okay, let's take it in a different direction. Are you in a relationship?
No. I've been single for the past two years. I travel around a lot. Makes it difficult.

So where are the most attractive girls out there?
To be patriotic, I'll say Ireland.

What kind of girls do you like? Do you like lasses with red hair and green eyes?
I've never been with a lass from red hair and green eyes. I like normal, nice, funny girls.

Tell us about your last relationship. Did you write a song about it?
Actually, I did. "I'm A Prick," is the song.

What did you do?
I didn't do anything wrong — I just left. I wanted to do music.

Do you find that being in a relationship as a musician is hard?
I do. I write songs, and if I'm in a relationship, I'm happy and I don't write anything. The creativity just stops.

As a musician you must meet a lot of girls. Is that hard when you're in a relationship?
Yes. But I've never cheated.

What's the most incredible thing you've done to win a woman back?
I sent my ex a necklace. She moved to London after we broke up and I had a jeweler make a necklace of a matchstick that says 'perfect' on it. So, you know. Perfect match. But alas, we were not a perfect match.

Why did you send it to her after you were already broken up?
Because I was lonely and sad. I was writing a lot of good songs, actually.

How long can you go without sex?
I don't have a limit.

Oh, come on.
Well what can you do about it? Even when I really want it, I invariably fail at trying to get it.

Really? No pick up lines?
No, I'm useless at talking to women. I've always been shy.

Would you say you're a hopeless romantic?
To a degree. When I was thirteen I was going out with a girl I was in love with; I thought she was amazing. There's this tree called a Dutch elm that's black on the outside and white on the inside, and I was into carving. So for Valentine's Day I carved a heart in the Dutch elm and made a "M" and a "C" inside of it. The "M" was black and the "C" was white. She thought it was the corniest thing she'd ever seen in her life. She broke up with me two days later.

 

Kenisha, 31

What do you do?
I'm a makeup artist.

Has that ever gotten you laid?
Oh yes, it's gotten me laid plenty of times. I went to a friend's house to do her makeup and I ended up getting laid.

Who initiated it?
She initiated it. I went to do makeup; I was doing my job. Getting paid and getting laid!

So how was it?
It was awkward, but it was great. It was awkward because it was unexpected. But I think it was bound to happen.

Did you stay friends?
Yes. We're actually married.

Aw! Congratulations.
Thank you very much.

Would you say she's the more aggressive one in the relationship?
No, I would say I am.

How did you meet?
We met in a dance class. That was in 2003. Hip hop, street jazz, break dancing. Movement is very important. If you can move it proves that you can move in bed.

Your boobs are amazing. Are they real?
They are totally real. One-hundred percent. Thanks for noticing!

How do you keep sex interesting in married life?
Well, you have to keep it spontaneous. It can't just be "Let's have sex," it has to be "I'm going to sleep; it's three o'clock in the morni... ohhhhh." To me, sex is the best when you're not expecting it.

How often would you say you have sex?
Not often enough! Not to say it doesn't happen all the time. I'm just very, you know... frisky.

Ideally, how many times a week would you like to have sex?
Every day, actually. But we usually have sex three or four times a week.

What's your move? I know you have one.
I get very smooth. Very touchy-feely. I'm not really a verbal person, so I'm not going to come out and say "Hey, I want to have sex."

Do you talk in bed?
I do. I'm a dirty talker. I like call and response, like, "Do you like that? Oh, you want that harder — how much harder to do you want it? Do you like it when I give it to you this way? How about when I give it to you this way? Whose is it?"

What are some things you find undeniably sexy in a person?
Confidence says a whole lot. You can be unattractive, but if you're confident, it can do a lot for you. It just opens a whole new door for yourself. There is such a thing as being sexy without being attractive. If you don't think you're sexy, who else will?