Talking to Strangers: Portland, OR
Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.
by Marguerite Kennedy
Rocket, 26
What do you do for a living?
I'm a hair, makeup and wardrobe stylist. I'm also a... dancer.
When you say "dancer," you mean, like, a stripper?
Yeah. But in Portland, it's different. Strip clubs here aren't like in other places. It's a totally different vibe.
I've heard that. How are the clubs in Portland different?
A lot of what we call "strip clubs" are basically like regular bars, only with dancers. It's not just a bunch of creepy old dudes, or frat boys or whatever. Where I work, we get a lot of couples — men and women who come in together. And the girls look like normal people. Most of us don't have fake boobs, or big blonde hair, or, you know, the stereotypical "stripper" look. Not at all. Lots of girls who are covered in tattoos, piercings, that sort of thing. It's very pro-women.
That sounds like a fun job. Do you enjoy working as a dancer?
I do. I find it really empowering. It's funny, because I never used to think of myself as sexy until I started dancing.
Seriously?
Never. Not at all. Once I started dancing, I was shocked that people saw me that way.
How did you get up the courage to be a dancer, if you didn't think of yourself as sexy?
It was sort of a fluke. I had a friend who was a dancer, and she made a lot of money. The owner of the bar asked me if I wanted to give it a shot, and I thought he was joking. But then I tried it, and it turned out it was a lot of fun. Not what I expected. And the customers seem to like me, especially the couples. Where I work, I'm the girl who's the most popular with couples.
Why do you think that is?
I always talk to the woman first. It puts her at ease. I pick out something I think is beautiful or sexy about the woman — nice boobs, pretty eyes, whatever, then I compliment her on it. I tell the man that he's lucky to have a woman like her. But I'm not faking it — I like to make the man realize what a treasure he has. Sometimes men forget how to look at their wives or girlfriends — it's like they don't even see them anymore, you know what I mean?
I can see why you're so popular with couples!
It's win-win. The women feel good about themselves, and the men see their partners in a new light. Then they can both take that energy, that excitement, back into their relationship.
Have you ever dated someone you met through the club?
Never. Most of the clients are really chill, nice people. A lot of them are attractive and young, too. I genuinely enjoy talking with them. I'm no good at pretending to like people if I don't like them. But when I'm working, I'm not in the mindset of looking for someone to go out with.
Do many of the guys hit on you?
It happens sometimes, but mostly, they're there for the same reason you go to a music show, or you go to see a play, or something like that. For the entertainment. When you're a dancer, you're basically a performer, even when you're talking to the clients offstage. If you were to go out with a guy outside the club, it would ruin the whole mystique.
Kind of like "breaking the fourth wall," as they say in the theater?
Exactly.
Are you in a relationship?
Not right now. I'm not a big on serious relationships. I was mostly a lesbian for a while, but lately I've been dating mostly men. I was seeing this guy for about six months, until recently. I consider myself bisexual. I don't like labels, though.
Female sexuality is pretty fluid, don't you think?
It is. But people don't realize that. They act like you're not being real or honest if at one point you're attracted to women, then later, you like men, or vice-versa. It's not like I'm faking with either one. For me, it's more about the person than the gender.
Do you have any crazy hookup stories?
I was out at this club with a guy who was in a band that was playing. He spent the whole time talking to other girls, and he didn't even talk to me the whole night. So I met this guy I'll call Thor. He was really tall, and good-looking. At the end of the night, I went up to him and said, "You're taking me home with you!"
How did he react?
He took me home. We had sex for one-and-a-half hours. High five! In the morning, Thor asked, "How will I get hold of you?" I said, "You won't," and I left.
So there was no second date?
Actually, he's the guy I was sort of seeing for six months. We ran into each other another night, and then we had sex again, and it just sort of kept happening. We were very compatible sexually, but not in any other ways. We kind of clashed, personality-wise.
Have you ever dated anyone who was bothered by the fact that you're a dancer?
Not so much. People know it's a job, and a performance, like being an actor. And it's not like I'm having sex with the people I meet at the club.
Do you have any dealbreakers?
Married people. Or anyone who's in a serious relationship. And liars. Especially people who are lying about being married!
Austin, 23
What do you do for a living?
I work in a restaurant in a big hotel, downtown.
Have you ever hooked up with any of the guests?
No, but I've had some offers. Sometimes you get the flirty "cougar" types who want to have a fling when they're in Portland. Some of them are pretty hot, but you never know what kind of can of worms you're opening with that sort of thing, so...
Are you in a relationship?
Nah. I feel like I need to be more independent before I get involved in anything too serious. I want to be on a track towards following my dreams.
What dreams do you want to follow?
That's the thing. I don't really know yet. I'm certified to teach English as a foreign language, and I'd like to live abroad at some point. Also, I'm studying to be a massage therapist.
A massage therapist? Have you ever used the "would you like a massage" trick to get women into bed?
Not since I've been in school for it, strangely enough. But whenever I tell girls that, they always want a free massage.
What's the dating scene like in Portland?
I've lived here pretty much all my life, so I can't really compare it to other places. But the women here are very free, sexually. Very liberated. They're not afraid to seek guys out, and they're not afraid to ask for what they want in bed.
Is that a good thing, in your opinion?
For sure. If you're a guy, it makes it a lot easier. You don't have to have to put out too much effort, looking for girls. They just kind of... show up. And I like it when a woman tells you what she wants. We're not psychic, you know?
If you had to describe your ideal woman, what would she be like?
Someone who knows who she is. Someone with goals and aspirations, who's on a track to reaching them. In Portland, you find a lot of people who are kind of just coasting through life, with no direction whatsoever.
Do you have any crazy hookup stories?
One time, I was at a party at my friend D.'s house. I met this hot girl, and we had this crazy, instant chemistry, so we went to D.'s room to have sex. So we're doing it, and halfway through, it started to feel really good — like, too good. It didn't occur to me right away, but the condom came off. So I stopped, and when I pulled out, the condom had just disappeared. Vanished. We tore the place apart looking, but — nothing. We were in my friend's bedroom, so I didn't want to just leave it there for him to come across later.
What did you do?
Okay, so, my friend D. happened to have this pair of forceps that he got at The Salvation Army.
Because that's the best place to get semi-used gynecological equipment...
In Portland, anyway. So, D. used to go out with the girl I was having sex with, who was still a good friend of his. So she asked D. to look around inside her for the condom, using the forceps.
Why weren't you recruited for the job, instead of D.?
I'd never used forceps before, and I didn't want to, you know, do any damage. D. used to be an EMT.
So he had basic training in emergency condom removal?
More than I did!
What happened next?
I went down in the courtyard of the house to chill out. After a few minutes, D. came out on the balcony and waved the forceps, which were holding the condom. He yelled out, "I found it!"
In other words, a latter-day version of the balcony scene from Romeo & Juliet.
Pretty much. Anyway, the condom had gotten stuck up in her fallopian tubes, but he managed to pull it out.
Hmm, I'm not a gynecologist — amateur or otherwise — but I'm pretty sure you can't get a condom stuck in your fallopian tubes.
Okay, one of those other tubes. Or areas, or whatever. But at least they found the condom. It was a huge relief.
Stacey, 41
Are you a Portland native?
No, I moved here from Austin, Texas about three months ago.
Do you find much of a difference in the dating scene here, versus Austin?
In both places, there isn't much of one for women who are looking for other women.
That's surprising. Portland and Austin both seem like such open, progressive places.
Oh, they are. It's fine to be out, all that. It's just that there's not much of a lesbian "scene," so to speak. There are tons of gay bars in both cities, but mostly they cater to men.
Are you in a relationship?
No. I haven't had a lot of long-term relationships. I'm what you might call a "free spirit."
What do you do for a living?
I work as a caregiver.
I take it that's not a great way to get dates?
That would be an understatement. But before I moved here, I was a bartender. I'm very social, so meeting people isn't usually a problem. I'm such an Aries. We're very charming.
Do you believe in astrology, then?
I'm an astrologer, so yes. I'm also very intuitive. I can read people.
When you meet someone you're attracted to, is your first question, "What's your sign?"
No. I can usually guess someone's sign before they tell me. Usually within a few minutes. Like I said, I'm very intuitive.
Have you found that there's one sign that you gravitate to more than others?
I get along well with Aquariuses. They're fun. I've butted heads with a few Leos. But it's not just about your sun sign. There's a lot more to it than that. There's the moon sign, and the rising sign, all that.
What are some of the qualities you look for in a woman?
Kindness. Passion. I love women who like to be the center of attention.
Are you saying you like women who are divas? Usually, that falls in the "dealbreaker" category.
I know, I know. I'm strange like that. I'm very nurturing, so those over-the-top personalities are a good match for me. My thing is that I don't like to be bored.
When I think of people who constantly need to be the center of attention, well, I think of someone who's... what's the word?
Crazy? Yeah. I'm attracted to nuts. But, on the up side, I'm never bored.
If crazy people and divas are your turn-ons, what, pray tell, are your dealbreakers?
Mean people. Don't like anyone who's even a little bit mean. I also can't stand people who are disrespectful, or critical, or nit-picking.
Okay, you mentioned earlier that you can usually guess someone's sign within a few minutes. Can you tell what sign I am?
You're a Libra. But you've probably got some Virgo in your chart.
Wow! That's dead-on. But, what's interesting is that you didn't even stop to think about it.
It's obvious. You're such a Libra. Like I said, I'm very intuitive.
Commentarium (67 Comments)
East End! I was juts running up a $40 tab there last weekend. Good spot.
/end of Portland bragging
my god, a $40 tab! you must have had...several drinks!
Haha. Why did they mention the 40$? Love it. I wish I knew some of these fellow Portlanders.
$40? thats like 2.5 drinks in Los Angeles!
I love East End. I'm one of those ex-New Yorkers everyone here hates, and I never get over the fact that you can drink yourself silly for the price of one drink at a lot of Manhattan bars.
Dear Tony, that tie doesn't go with that shirt, even if you're a vampire. Sincerely, a random asshole
Please stop staring through my soul.
Your head is massively too large for your body. You might consider looking into ways to rectify this situation.
Dear m-m-m, That tie totally goes with that shirt, in its own awesome mismatched way.
These people are all lovely! Each and every.
Yep!
Finally! I was waiting for Portland to show up in this list, and you even got in the parts about the strip clubs. The bad news is that I must demand that you remove this entire article immediately, since it shows Portland in a positive light, which will only attract more ruinous, wealthy Californians and New Yorkers to our fair city to date the available population.
Rocket seems very sweet and so on, but "Lots of girls who are covered in tattoos, piercings, that sort of thing. It's very pro-women, " just sounds so stupid.
This. I thought, "Maybe it was just the beer and you'd take that line back, but all of a sudden you just went from 'person who may have thought this through' to 'creepy stripper doll.'"
Also, I wish Tony had said something just a tiny bit more skeezy, he seems too nice for that getup. Backstory, please-- was he hitting on Melissa and/or vice versa?
She's cute, but a lot of her interview came across as trying-slightly-too-hard rationalization for her job. "I mean, I'm a stripper but not really a stripper, more of like, a dancer. It's not like a regular strip club, it's totally like, artistic! Sometimes we get couples, and some of the girls even have tattoos!"
If you're gonna be a stripper, just be a damn stripper and own it.
"I was mostly a lesbian for a while... I consider myself bisexual. I don't like labels, though."
?
Rocket was darling! Besides being totally adorable, she was honest. It's not easy to explain being attracted to both genders. Say 'lesbian' and you get shit for dating men. Say 'bisexual' and everyone assumes you make out with girls when you're drunk to get attention.
I wish she would flirt with me if I showed up at her like-totally-artistic strip club.
I'm guessing most of you haven't been to Portland strip clubs. A lot of them are pretty different from "traditional" strip clubs. I read it as a contextualization, not an apology. It makes sense to explain the scene for an audience that's, presumably, mostly non-Portlanders. And the whole thing about tattoos and piercings isn't necessarily her only reason for saying the scene is pro-women. (Maybe there should've been an ellipsis ... instead of a period? I assume these aren't verbatim transcripts.) Rocket is candidly sharing her own, valid assessment, and it seems weird that so many people are rushing to negate her.
I'm with PDX on this one. Lets all tone down the judging shall we
("Pedi-Cab For Cutie?" Sorry, please go on.) Funniest Part of this whole article
re: restaurant strip clubs: "Moons Over My Hammy" takes on a whole new meaning in that context…
hilarious. love the Dennys ref.
Austin has a terrible grasp of female anatomy.
That was the point when I realized "oh, it's totally a fake story."
Austin,,, wtf
Right? A condom in the fallopian tube? I burst out laughing when I read that. He responds with, "Okay, one of those other tubes. Or areas, or whatever." Or whatever? You mean, vagina....? Sheeeesh!
No, I think some people (men and women, sadly) really do only have a vague concept of female anatomy...
Melissa sounds like so many women I meet these days, they want everything perfect, yet are far from perfect themselves.
I was thinking the exact same thing - and since she's beautiful, you know she does pretty much have the pick of the litter and guys are always hitting on her. I wonder if she's ever been dumped?
Sure she's been dumped. SHe has about 5 years left of bangability and then her looks won't carry her anymore.
Big ups on the blatant misogyny, Indy!
It's not misogyny if its true. Besides, aren't reactionary feminists like you supposed to be about women being appreciated for their brains instead of skating by on their physical qualities?
Your logic is laughable, blurp. If something's "true" it's not misogyny huh? What an oversimplification. Let me see if I can break it down for you so your brain can take it in: People are brought up to value women more for than looks than anything else. Shallow people buy into this. Just b/c shallow people who don't regularly use critical thought to look at gender issues in the world around them think this statement is "true" doesn't mean it's objectively true.
The mere fact that we live in a world where a woman's "bangability" is discussed only
in terms of looks and age is sexist enough on its own. It's incredibly reductive and soulless.
You may be interested to know the following: I actually agree with the original poster on this one, I think this woman has a problem with wanting "perfection." I also think MANY men have this same problem, which he wouldn't necessarily know as a straight man (I assume.)
Well said, LT.
Blurp--"it's not misogyny if it's true" is like saying, "it's not racist if it's true!" about shamelessly racist remarks. The problem here is in the word "true." According to your logic, it is an objective, universal truth that all women 36 or over have no "bangability." Enjoy the second half of your life, dude. The vast majority of women in their 20s aren't attracted to men over 39 at the outset (at least, this is true in my case), so you're gonna be fucked (or not, as it were).
I don't mean to interrupt the righteous-indignation party, but this is getting ridiculous. It doesn't matter whether losing your looks as you age is "true" in some metaphysical sense. It's true in our culture's perception, and frankly seems to be one of the few near-universals of heterosexual attraction.
Frankly I think the criticism is on point, even if it's crudely phrased. Melissa seems like someone who WOULD rely on her looks (though I don't agree that she's particularly attractive, actually) to entitle her to a lot of things the rest of her persona doesn't live up to. People with "laundry lists" usually do: they think they're hot shit, so they insist on only the best. And men are going to lose sexual interest in her (collectively) as she ages.
This has happened to millions of women, if not billions, over the years. It will keep happening. If that's controversial, or if that offends you on the Internet, then good luck with your first world problems.
Why do some people keep missing the point? Or just so need to hang on to their worn-out theories?
AAC, the only men who will lose interest in Melissa as she ages are younger men. And even then, a percentage of them won't. I have female and male friends of all ages and I can tell you for sure that men in their 30's, 40's and 50's would be more than glad to "bang" Melissa when she's 36.
Your theory rules out one decade of men, gee Melissa better start quaking in her boots!
Listen, I agree about the laundry list - and I've seen many people of both genders who aren't all that attractive, and who are, have this problem. Some of it is a problem of entitlement, but most of it is a very deep fear of intimacy and/or loss of freedom.
"the only men who will lose interest in Melissa as she ages are younger men."
Er, no. That might apply to someone whose personality or intellect sells them, but if we're talking physical attraction alone, then most men strongly prefer younger women. There are very few men who actively prefer the way a woman LOOKS when she's in her 40s and beyond (we're not talking about maturity or insight here, just about pure physicality).
Of course she'll still have interest when she's older, but she'll have less of it -- and begin to realize that when she was at the height of her appeal, she squandered opportunities to build a real relationship with terrific men who have moved on to other things. Again, I don't see how this is controversial: most guys I know in their 50s, 60s, and 70s would rather have sex with a 25-year-old with a 45-year-old, other things being equal. And of course things aren't always equal, but I'm not convinced that anyone with a laundry list is going to gain in maturity and compassion what they lose in physical attractiveness.
Again, let me break it down: All that matters is attractiveness - period - to a certain portion of the population. Melissa, to judge by how she looks at 31, is going to still be much more attractive at 36 than the majority of 20-somethings in the world, and due to that most men in their 30s, 40s and 50's + would rather go out with her than a cute 20 something. And I don't see why that's such a controversial idea.
Some men like milfs.
Yeah, men in their 50s, 60s, and beyond may (or may not) *want* to fuck women in their 20s (although some who have daughters that age might find it creepy). But, the fact is, most 25-year-old women will think that they are old and gross. (I'm 27, and guys over 40 just don't do it for me, although hopefully when I'm 40, I'll change my mind.) Anyway, if you run the numbers, the VAST majority of men in their 40s and beyond--assuming they're not billionaires/rock stars, or some other vanishingly small minority--also have to settle for women closer to their own age. As such, they'll be looking for the most attractive women in the category of women who will date them . Hence, Melissa will probably do just fine. My folks are divorced, and my mom, who's 53 (and attractive and in good shape), has no shortage of dates. More than me, sadly.
Wow! Melissa - we are apparently looking for the same man... watch out!
Melissa is looking for my brother. Too bad he's in Minneapolis
Heeey, I'm in Minneapolis...... winkwink
Melissa is lovely but seems very hard to please and then once you did, it wouldn't last long anyway
Whenever I hear a laundry list of expectations like Melissa's, I always think of a phrase my friend uses to describe women like that: "always looking for the hole in the doughnut".
That is, always looking for reasons to find fault, and to say "no" to love -- which of course is the easiest and safest thing, after all, since you never get hurt that way.
This. I was trying to figure out why Melissa's interview made me kind of sad. She dumped a guy who was "richer than God, really good looking, and an incredible lover" because he wanted too much commitment from her. Oh, and all she wants is a nice, family-oriented guy...but he must have a specific eye colour, and dress a certain way, and not use hair products, etc etc etc.
Methinks the unpleasant divorce back in 2006 did some long term damage.
Agreed with JCB.
It sounded like she would rather have it all perfect from the beginning, or nothing, rather than to work on it. She could've told Frenchie to tone it down a little.
I liked Rocket a lot. It's lovely to see an articulate young woman who is also comfortable and assertive when it comes to sexuality, her own and otherwise.
Oh and if you want to find lesbians come to SE, go to Dingo's or The Weird Bar. Lesbians galore!
Also, are you sure you don't live in Lake Oswego Melissa? C'mon....be honest. Where the fuck do you ride horses in the Portland Metro area?
Tryon Creek State Park
Looks like a few of these were done at Dante's Inferno...I wonder if Rocket dances there?
man. i love portland.
Yep. Portland love!!! These people all seem cool.
OMG TONY'S HEAD LOOKS PHOTOSHOPPED ON! I CAN"T STOP LAUGHING!
also, I am pretty impressed the woman guessed the interviewers sign right away. I want to see if she can guess mine!
Also, Melissa is smokin!
I KNOW RIGHT? LOL MY FACE HURTS.
Melissa is extraordinarily beautiful.
Yes
This and the one from Seattle a few weeks ago were my favorite ones of these in a while. Are people in the Pacific Northwest just cooler than people in other places? Are drinks as cheap as people say? Maybe I should move there.
Are drinks really that expensive everywhere else? I'm in Minneapolis and I rarely spend more than $5/6 on a drink, less than that on a beer, and maybe a dollar or two more for wine. Even martini's are around $7/8. I'd hate my life/move if I couldn't get wasted for under $40.
Luke. To answer your question, the Pacific Northwest rocks. Cool people, low-ish cost of living, great music, all that. But before you pack your bags, you should know that the weather seriously sucks. More than you think. First, visit here this time of year. I wish I had. But yeah I liked the interviews
Duh...women are programmed to believe in the Prince because of watching all the Disney movies when they were little. I always shudder when a little girl says "I"m a princess".
*Barf*
Yeah, if you live in New York, San Fran, or L.A. Here in NYC, going out is hella expensive. When I go home to NC, it feels like drinks are free.
oops meant to reply to slaidnus re: drink prices.
i liked this interviewer a lot. why isn't the author's name at least posted? have they done interviews before?
but: "There's such a mixture of people, from all different backgrounds and cultures and nationalities. " where they at? doesn't seem to be so much diversity represented here...
I would destroy Melissa in bed in a very family-oriented way... by the way, for the person that assures that she has "5 years of bangability left" I dissagre. She might, she might not. Right now I'm fucking 3-4 times a week a gorgeous 55 year old, I'm 33 and I also do a 28 years old on the side.
Just found a interesting website where we can Talk to Strangers and aliens without anxieties
Now you say something