Talking to Strangers

Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

 

Rikki, 25

Do you get a lot of dates from your job as a bartender?
Well, I don't really put myself on the market, because I'm in love with a Marine. He's on deployment leave right now. I left him two and a half years ago, because I felt in my heart that he needed to explore the world, so I just kind of let him go. I haven't been with him that entire time, but we've been talking and things have happened between us since then and feelings have never changed. This is the man I'm going to marry.

How did you meet?
When I was fifteen and he was fourteen. I was a sophomore; he was a freshman. I don't remember this, but he told me we first met when I stepped out of my math class, and I bumped shoulders with him. I used to have crazy multicolored dreadlocks, and he was a jock. So I turned around and gave him the look of death and then kept walking, and he looked at his friends and said, "I'm gonna be with that woman someday."

And then when I was twenty-two, he came up to me at a bar and said "You're Rikki, right?" and explained how he knew me, and then he said, "I just want you know that you're the most beautiful woman in the world." I said, "What are you, my fucking stalker?" And he said "No, I'm Garrett." And he shook my hand and I said, "Well, I'm Rikki and I'm gonna get back to drinking my beer now. Fuck you." And as I went to walk away, he stopped me and said, "No, I don't want this to be the last time we ever talk!" and I said, "Okay, well, here's my number."

Wow. So you're pretty aggressive, yeah?
I just don't like meeting people. I mean, he was totally gorgeous. When he asked me if I was Rikki at the bar, I was thinking in my mind, "Oh my God, this guy is totally hot!" It was really stupid.

So what's the craziest hookup situation you've ever been in?
I was not that young, but still not of age yet, and I was dating a guy that was older than me and probably shouldn't have been dating me. But we dated for like nine months, and he lived at my house and whatnot. We went to a park during Cinco de Mayo when they were having this big festival and I was wearing this super-long skirt. It was broad daylight, around two in the afternoon, and I looked at him and said "You're so hot," and he said the same. So I just jumped on him and we started having sex, but nobody knew because I was in a skirt. You know, I don't really care where I am or what we're doing, as long as I don't have to be stark naked in front of tons of people. I've been walked in on having sex at least six times in my life. And it's not like I stop — I just look over and laugh and say "You see this! Now get the fuck out!" I just keep going while I'm yelling at them. That's my thing. I mean, I've had sex in an orchard; in a full moon; in the winter while it's raining by the side of a highway with the marine.

What's the craziest thing someone has done to have sex with you?
One time, a guy just came up to me and said, "I have to have you," and started ravishing my body, and I kind of just gave into it.

That sounds a lot like rape.
Well, I didn't say no! I wanted him too, but I don't tell people when I want them.

Exactly, you seem very cold-shouldered. Does that work for you?
I don't sleep with a lot of people, and I only sleep with people that I really want to sleep with. I'm twenty-five years old, I lost my virginity when I was fifteen, and I've slept with ten people. That's it. And two of the ten people I slept with weren't people I dated — I just slept with them and they ended up being fuck buddies. And that usually ends because I think, "Eh, this is degrading and I don't want to do this anymore." I've had tons of guys throw themselves at me my entire life and I never really know why, and I don't even care.

 

Sean, 26

Where are you originally from?
Just outside Boston.

I just saw The Town last night, and that movie was awesome. How would you compare the dating scene in San Francisco to where you're from?
Here, there are way more girls than guys, and it's pretty easy to get a date. It's not really an apt comparison. It's just a different town.

What's the best date you've ever been on in San Francisco?
I really like walking dates where I just go for a long walk with someone. Up to Nob Hill, Twin Peaks, Ocean Beach, or to the Marina. They're really good to talk.

Are you friends with any of your exes?
Yes. I weed out the crazy ones before they actually get crazy.

That is a gift, my friend.
Yeah, I've been pretty lucky.

What's a bedroom dealbreaker for you?
A dealbreaker in general is just not being funny. If they're not funny at all, it's just not worth it. There's a time to be serious, but ninety-five percent of the time, it should be all jokes.

Where did you meet your girlfriend? How long have you been together?
Through a mutual friend, and we've been together about two months. It's going really well, except that she's possibly moving back to Ireland tomorrow forever.

Wait, literally? How do you feel about that?
I'm a little bummed out. But there is a chance that she can still get her visa and stay here. But everyone, including my mom, has told me to just get married to her.

Do you feel the pressure?
No, not really. It's just a joke between us.

So you don't like her enough to marry her?
I've been dating her for two months!

People get married in a day.
I'm not that kind of boy.

Is she here tonight?
Yeah, this is her possibly-going-away party.

See, so you're optimistic.
Well, I'm hoping that she sticks around for awhile, and we'll see what happens.

 

Christy, 24

Do you get a lot of dates from managing a hair salon?
No, but I get a lot of creepy looks all the time. I know people that are interested in me, and you can tell that they just don't have the Hooksexup to ask me out on a date. Honestly, I feel like people are intimidated and they don't want to talk to me.

But you're gorgeous! Why do you think that?
I don't know. Maybe I have a bitchy-attitude look, I don't really know.

Have you heard this throughout your life from people that have hit you or have tried to hit on you?
No, I just think I'm not as approachable as most people.

So are you single?
Not really. I've been dating a guy who moved to Amsterdam recently.

How do you feel about having a long-distance relationship?
I've done it before, and it's all right, but across the world is a little different, so we're testing it out and seeing how it goes.

How would you compare relationship sex to one-night-stand sex?
It really just depends on how fucked-up you are. I mean, one-night stands usually happen when you're drunk or on other substances. But I like having relationship sex more. I'm not a one-night-stand type of person. I don't really do that. I feel more secure and better about myself if I have that emotional connection. I used to have one-night stands when I was younger, and I kind of grew out of it, I guess. I think I experienced that a lot younger than most people do.

Are you originally from San Francisco?
No, I'm from Baltimore. I moved here two years ago.

How would you compare the two dating scenes?
Here I feel like people are more ambivalent, and it's a way more transient city. People gather next to you, but you don't actually have an emotional connection. In Baltimore, people are more out to get what they want. It's just the atmosphere — the work that people do and everything. The lifestyle here is just completely different.

What's the best way for someone to get your attention?
Honestly, people generally don't talk to me. I don't know what it is, if they're intimidated or whatever, but I usually hang out with a lot of guys. I grew up with brothers, so maybe that is what makes me unapproachable. But just talk to me!

What's the best date you've ever been on?
It's so stupid, but the guy that I'm dating now... We went out to dinner and went for a walk in the city, and it was raining outside. And my shoes came untied, and he got down on one knee and picked my foot up, put my foot on his knee and tied my shoe. Twice. And it was completely unexpected. I just thought it was the cutest thing in the world. It was like the whole "putting-the-jacket-over-the-puddle" situation. Those little tiny things make everything.