61 Frames Per Second by John Constantine Today in Hooksexup's videogame blog: Golden Axe dresses down to its skivvies. Plus: Spore takes on evolution, reaches a stalemate, and takes evolution out for a beer.
Dating Confessions by You "There is nothing hotter than a nice, shy guy. Because it's so damn hot to see what he's like underneath it all."
Scanner by Emily Farris Today on Hooksexup's culture blog: The top five rumors we'd like to start about Sarah Palin, but won't.
REGULARS
posted 6/16/2008
JUNE 16-22
Gemini (May 21-Jun. 21)
Is there a catty bitch at your office who you think is out to get you? You're not being paranoid. She's the Regina George to your Cady Heron, and you'd better watch your back. The shit will hit the fan June 18th when Venus ditches Gemini, but don't fight fire with fire. Just like Cady ever-so-sweetly learns, honesty is the way to go. Just don't make a cheesy speech at Spring Fling. It wasn't cute then, and it's not cute now.
Cancer (June 21-July 21)
Stock up on pomegranate juice and Airborne before the full moon on the 18th, because you're about to be drained faster than an iPhone streaming video. A difficult coworker will bombard you with passive-aggressive emails. Ignore. They're full of crap, and you'll be bouncing back when the sun moves into Cancer on the 20th. We're talking Beyonce-level blossoming here, so get ready to enjoy hit singles, high-profile movie roles and sex with Jay-Z (or, you know, your life's equivalent).
Leo (July 22-Aug. 22)
Oh, man, you just can't stop the rock, can you? Things are on the up and up, and they're not slowing down any time soon. This week, newly formed relationships can't fail, so it's a sweet time to reach out and make new friends and lovers. You could find the Brad to your Angelina — or, if you're lucky, the Turk to your JD.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 21)
This week's full moon will fall in the travel sign of Sagittarius, which means you need to go out and get your groove back. The 18th is a top romantic night, and the stars will align for you to meet a hot, easy-going local. I know what you're thinking: my name's not Stella, and I don't know Whoopie Goldberg, though I do watch Hollywood Squares all the time. Doesn't matter. Stella isn't a great name — How Lola Got Her Groove Back would be better — and Whoopie's a wet blanket.
Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22)
The Tenenbaums, the Lohans, the Osbournes — everyone loves to watch a good dysfunction-fest, but living one is a lot less glamorous. And with the moon and Pluto as close as kissing cousins, it looks like you may be unwillingly cast as the mopy, misunderstood young'un in this weeklong miniseries. But when tempers cool, you'll be able to look back and laugh, just like when Shante forced Snoop to eat his vegetables.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Werewolves and Dragonball-era Goku aren't the only ones who find themselves transformed by full moons. Starting on Wednesday, you'll be feeling a bit animalistic yourself. This is not a bad thing. Act on your abundant physical impulses, and your lover will be pleasantly surprised to see all that energy you devote to Twittering redirected towards more carnal ends.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Prepare to be judged this week, Sag. Mars is opposing Neptune, and that means your dirty laundry — along with your clean laundry, your unworn sample-sale acquisitions, hell, your entire wardrobe — is going to be aired for everyone to get a whiff. Whether you and the "lobbyist" in your life had a strictly professional relationship or not, being gossiped about is never much fun. But don't sweat it — someone else's scandal will brush all your troubles away soon enough, and then you'll be free to get back to your squeaky-clean ways.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Mercury is still in retrograde, Capricorn, and that means you'll need to take some extra caution in the boardroom and the bedroom. Negotiating for a higher salary is tough, but negotiating additions to your sex life can be just as tricky. Spell out all the rules with your partner before you jump into the fray, or else you may find yourself in the middle of a horrifying real-life French farce. Doors will slam, neighbors will hide in closets and a woman in a sexy maid's outfit will appear, even if you don't have a maid.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
The sun is in Gemini, and that means this is the perfect time to put yourself before others. What are your needs, Aquarius? Isn't it time you get to decide what to watch on TV at night? Shouldn't you get to finish off that bottle of wine? How come you never get to be the disciplining professor to your partner's naughty college student? Be aggressive! Now is the best time to satisfy your desires, because everyone will be more willing than usual to take a backseat. Chances like this don't come often.
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
It may seem unbearable in this summer heat, Pisces, but with the energy coming from the full moon on the 18th, you may be inspired to begin a new workout this week. But don't just settle for a different program on the elliptical — mix it up. Take an acrobatics class, try rock climbing, or get yourself into the boxing ring. Sure, you'll probably end up sweating through your clothes, but if you're diligent it will all pay off with a new, fit sparring partner by the end of the week.
Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)
Do you often wake up with a drill in your head and the sad realization that all the brilliant ideas you pitched to your coworkers as you closed the bar were most likely incoherent rambling? Well, buck up and bring a tape recorder next time — the light bulb will soon click on in your head. Fight the embarrassment of reliving when you announced to the bar that Chelsea Clinton's father is Janet Reno, and find the gem that will shoot you to the top.
Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
Embrace this week's opportunity for a surprising — and morally questionable — influx of cash. Perhaps you'll snap a picture of David Schwimmer doing something terribly inappropriate in the zoo's chimp pen, or Russell Crowe leaving the bar wearing nothing but a leopard thong. Mercury's fleeting retrograde will leave a small window for successful blackmail. If you feel ambivalent about this, just remember: you had to sit through Master and Commander and one too many marriages to Rachel, so really, they owe you.
