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Today on Hooksexup's culture blog: The Daily Show goes online, gets us off.
 REGULARS

AUG 13-19
Leo (July 22-Aug. 22)
The new moon's in Leo -- and what's it to you? Well, besides the fact that you look fabulous in the moonlight, you've got a powerful planetary back-up band now forming. The spotlight's on, the mic is all yours; it's up to you to step up and take control. Of course, that's a broad metaphor: but know that whatever you want, you'll get, as long as you stay focused and go for it. This works both in and out of the bedroom.

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Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 21)
If you're like some of my Virgo friends, you're a rock star, but an utterly practical one. Flow charts, graphs, Venn diagrams: it's all just another organized day for you. So don't get freaked when I say that this week, your animal instincts will be just as strong as your mental prowess. You'll be able to pick up on other folks' thoughts and wishes. Use your special powers for good. Explore the wild side of your own desire.
Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22)
Shopping for a new back-to-school outfit? Or just seeing if that old Catholic school uniform hidden in the back of the closet still fits? Whatever you're wearing, you're feeling the urge to travel, study, go to a seminar or learn French on tape. This week you'll feel the need to expand your boundaries and learn more, about the world and yourself. If the blue plaid jumper fits, wear the hell out of it.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You've been working hard for the past year, and this week the stars say you deserve some professional accolades. The new moon's bringing ample opportunity for your career, so keep an eye out for ways to work it.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
If you've ever made Rice Krispie treats, you know quite well that as soon as you mix the magic ingredients together, you better get that sticky marshmallow goodness in a pan quick, because it will cling to lips, skin, clothes, spatulas...everything. Think of this weekend as a celestial Rice Krispie treat in the making — whatever you do, it will stick. So make sure you really like that apartment (or that person you pick up at the bar), because they might be around for a long time.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Let me be clear: I am in no way saying you are like the train wreck that is Britney Spears of late. But if this month should prove hectic, if money's on your mind but not in your pocket, if you feel run down . . . don't shave your head. Or call the paparazzi to watch you skinny-dip in freezing cold surf. Or seduce a college student. Well, that might be ok. But just know: this too shall pass.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Do you believe in a total eclipse of the heart? Whether you're a born romantic, or just a power-ballad fan, know that an actual eclipse is due at month's end. They can cause a bit of celestial havoc (make you feel like once upon a time you were falling in love, but now you're only falling apart). So this week is your own power-time: whatever you want, you'll get. Forever's gonna start tonight.
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
Remember Jennifer Beals in Flashdance? She worked hard as a welder, she worked hard as an erotic dancer. But only when she worked hard while simultaneously following her passion for dance, did she fly through the air and inspire legions of teenage boys. This week you, too, have the opportunity to follow your passion and have your dreams come true. Leg warmers and eighties hair cuts optional.
Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)
You're feeling frisky this week. The stars say it's the perfect time to get in touch with your inner feline: stretch out, pad quietly, enjoy the tactile sensations of a good rubdown.

Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
Feeling too hot to touch, too cold to hold? The planets predict a bit of histrionics in the love department this week. Your lover could be playing you hot and cold, and unless she or he has a piece of ice in his mouth, that's not a fun game. Protect your inner thoughts and feelings; make sure he or she is worthy of them.

Gemini (May 21-Jun. 21)
What's on your mind? The new moon wants to know: it's shining on your communication skills. Want to read your tortured poetry at an open mic night? Write a novel? If you put all your energy into such endeavors, the stars will act as your own celestial sound system: you'll be broadcasting loud and clear.
Cancer (June 21-July 21)
Don't hit that snooze button in the morning this week. You're shimmering, sparkling, and all aglow under the new moon. It's a terrific time to research a career change, ask for a raise, or rock that PowerPoint presentation at the company meeting. Whatever your career goals are, now's your time to shine.


Previous Horoscope
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