Scanner by Emily Farris Today on Hooksexup's culture blog: We put our politics where our boobs are.
Rough Patch by Nicole Ankowski This contraceptive device sickened thousands of women. I was one of them. /personal essays/
The Remote Island by Bryan Christian Palin camp may get SNL time to respond to Fey sketches. Wahlberg camp still mum on their demands. Plus: Dexter, Brothers and Sisters and Gwen Ifill reacts to Queen Latifah.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Do you find Suzie Orman attractive? Does Jim Cramer yelling "booyah!" make you wet? This week, check in with your inner financial guru, as the stars predict critical monetary choices to be made. Invest wisely, and you'll find yourself yelling "Booyah!" every time you visit the bank, and maybe in more private scenarios as well.
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Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Why do fools fall in love? Why do men fall asleep after sex? Why do dogs sometimes look conspicuously like their owners? This is not the week to question how the universe works. This is the week to enjoy the universe, in all its romantic and wondrous charms. Especially the romance part, as you'll be on fire in the amore department. The only thing you won't be asking is, "Why didn't he call?" Because he'll be in the kitchen, cooking you heart-shaped Belgian waffles.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
In an accident, a young man in India cut his knees and began growing bark-like crusts over his entire body. As time passed, his hands and feet became so gnarled, and so strongly resembled tree roots, that the poor guy was called half man, half tree. Now a doctor believes he can treat the man with some simple vitamins. If, like this man, you've let something unpleasant engulf your life, this week is the perfect opportunity to find a miraculously simple solution for what ails you.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Are you using the appropriate pleasure-maximizing positions? Did you come simultaneously? Did you do it in the back of the taxicab, on a roller coaster, or in a graveyard underneath a full moon, while practicing nineteen different Kama Sutra positions and whitening your teeth? This week, throw away the how-to books, the gaudy lingerie, the quest for perfection. Think about what you really want to do, in the moment. If it involves a roller coaster, so be it. If not, make it feel like one anyway.
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
I know you're a hard worker, and you know you're a hard worker, but by the end of December everyone who's anyone should know what a productive little ant you are. The stars predict some heavenly developments in your place of employment. Even small tasks may become big deals, with you moving and shaking 'em. Don't forget to occasionally take some time off to keep your lover shaking too.
Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or Festivus, the stars are giving you a great gift this month, Aries. You'll have energy aplenty to tackle any task before you, be it travel, work, stringing up twinkly lights or lighting up your lover. Now you just have to decide what you want to give your energy to. Whatever it is, you'll make it glow.
Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
The best things in life don't cost a thing, but if you're planning your holiday shopping now, you might be able to splurge. The stars predict December will bring some butter, honey. So ask for that raise. Buy that lotto ticket. Investigate those mutual funds. Then add me to your shopping list.
Gemini (May 21-Jun. 21)
Hopefully you didn't overindulge on turkey leftovers, whipped cream straight from the can, and PBR (or St. Pauli Girl, or however your family celebrates Thanksgiving), because this week bodes well for romance and you don't want to look bloated. You'll be especially irresistible during the early part of the week, so strike while the iron is hot and suck in that gut. Hopefully you saved some of that whipped cream.
Cancer (June 21-July 21)
Been feeling the need to spruce up the ol' abode? Make that trek to IKEA for some affordably priced Strøpflürgen throw pillows, because the stars are in place to help you find a good deal. It's the perfect time to nest, especially since the stars predict you'll be bringing home a new special someone home and you don't want them seeing your ratty old mauve futon.
Leo (July 22-Aug. 22)
Silver and gold are in right now. It seems like every other chica on the street has gold flats, iridescent bangles or bags, all designed to make them look like a shiny piece of ore themselves. Leo, this week you won't need baubles to stand out. You'll be the life of the party, and your full social calendar should hold all month. Make the most of it — you never know who you'll run into under the mistletoe.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 21)
You've got a lovely creative streak, Virgo, and you deserve to make a living off it. I'm not advocating making art with profits in mind — by all means, give yourself over to your muse. Nonetheless, the stars predict this week you may find that your own quirky creations could also bring you some cash. Isn't it nice when genius is recognized and paid for?
Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22)
Have you been watching those Viagra commercials a little too intently of late, Libra? How the hell do they get those enormous bathtubs into the wilderness, anyway? If you've been feeling less erotically inclined than usual, don't worry. Things will soon be looking, um, up, and you won't need a little blue pill to get yourself hot.
