t seems that anyone who merely visited the city of Liverpool between 1960 and 1970 will adorn themselves with the dubious distinction of "the fifth Beatle" after a few drinks. There are about a half-dozen claimants of good repute, half of them dead. But unlike manager Brian Epstein, producer George Martin or press czar Derek Taylor, Tony Bramwell knew Paul McCartney and George Harrison as pre-adolescents and befriended John Lennon when Lennon was fifteen.
    "If you want to know anything about the Beatles, ask Tony Bramwell. He remembers more than I do," McCartney said in 2002. With that endorsement, Bramwell started writing a gossipy, chatty recounting of his time with the Fab Four, titled Magical Mystery Tour: My Life with the Beatles. In it, he spins some fantastical Liverpudlian yarns, some of which he's the only living witness to.
    Bramwell not only doesn't mind speaking ill of the dead in his memoir, he practically revels in it. He also maintains the currently unfashionable position of singling out Yoko Ono as the one true cause of the group's breakup, stopping just short of calling her the C-word. I talked with Bramwell about how much sex and drugs the young Beatles liked with their rock n' roll and asked him to divulge the meaning of the phrase "knee-trembler." Grant Stoddard

Don't Look Back in Anger (Rage, However, Is Fine) Bramwell remembers the "Princess of Darkness." And other choice excerpts: On parties frequented by the Beatles: "It was a crushed-velvet Sodom and Gomorrah. Satin and silk orgies were going on all around you. Celebs and TV stars were being shagged in the corner as you walked in a room. Blowjobs in the kitchen . . . No space was wasted, which was more than can be said for the guests." On lyrics: "The Fabs had their share of trashy girls in song. They were amused by that sort of smut. She's a 'big' teaser in 'Day Tripper' was not the word they used when they rehearsed it." On the Beatles' first trip to France: "...To Ringo's embarrasment, a wildly cheering gay contingent turned up and whooped for him. He sat behind his drums and bashfully shook his Beatle mop, looking dazed." On swinging London: "...(Lennon's first wfe) Cyn was horrified when she realized that many couples — some of them titled — were into voyeuristic sex, while others were watching a blue movie. John was passed a massive reefer and took a deep, chest-convulsing drag." On Anal: "Rent boys, pills, acid. Apart from the paranoia caused by the drug, Brian [Epstein, the Beatle's iconic manager] was deeply troubled. He was always in terror that one of his rent boys would spill the beans, but he was secure to some extent because 'buggery' was still illegal, punishable with a very long prison sentence." On first impressions: "John was used to women hitting on him, and Yoko was skinny, plain and older than he was. She didn't look anything like his dream babe, Brigitte Bardot." On tactical fucking: "[Yoko's husband] Tony Cox actively encouraged the affair between John and Yoko as an act of survival…Cox would tell Yoko to 'go get Lennon'. Often when Yoko made love to John in [Yoko and Cox's] apartment, Cox would bring Kyoko [Cox and Yoko's daughter] along the balcony and they'd wait [next door]. At some stage, Cox began to feel fragile, thinking he might get cut out. In all seriousness, he drew up an agreement that he insisted Yoko sign. This single-page document . . . stated that when Yoko hooked John, they would split any cash she got from the endeavor." On John and Yoko's "Two Virgins" cover photography: "When the brown envelope came, I opened it and shuffled through the ten-by-eights and shot them straight back in the envelope. John's idea of page-three stuff was a wild understatement. These pictures were hairy. That's an intended pun, but in America they would call them muff shots." On Paul's reaction to said photography: "It might be him and Yoko, but people will say it's the Beatles who are out of their tree and getting into straight porn now."

What did you do for the Beatles?
It all started off with me helping me mates out with their gear, and then I got into the gig free. That was it. Then Brian Epstein became their manager, and he started paying me. Later on, I helped them with a lot of different things like running Apple [the Beatles' production company].

Which of the Beatles were you closest with?
Well, as a younger kid, about ten years old, George Harrison was my best friend, and Paul McCartney was another good friend. I met John a few years later.

Did being in the Beatles' inner circle help you with the ladies?
Oh yes. I think that it helped all of us lads that were working with the band. As soon as they started to become a must-see — even locally — not many people got through to the band.

In Liverpool the group all still lived with their parents, so where would the Beatles take girls to fool around?
Y'know it wasn't like it is today. You had to be a lot more discreet than that. Sneaky. Get caught having sex with an underage girl — and remember George was really just a kid when they went to Germany — or being caught with pep pills [amphetamines], and that would have been your lot. You could have your visa taken away for stuff like that. So we had to make do here and there.

They are beginning to sound like they were good boys.
Well, not entirely. You just had to be more careful.

Well, I have definitely heard that something called a "knee-trembler" was a common phrase in Beatles parlance.
Oh my word. Oh yes, well, I haven't heard that one in a long time. A knee-trembler would be like getting a wank in a bus shelter or getting a shag standing up somewhere outside, on the quick, like.

So it did happen?
Oh yes.

Did the band have any other funny slang for sexual acts?
Sure. Listen to the lyrics of "Penny Lane." What do you think "fish and finger pie" is all about? Getting yer hand in some bird's knickers!

Did they have a name for girls that would follow the band?
They were known as "slags." It's not a very nice term. Certainly worse than groupies. These were the birds who were ready to drop their knickers for one of the lads. They might go for Paul first and then go down the list.

In the early days, which of the guys was taking most advantage of being a Beatle? Who was the most successful with women?
Probably Paul. Paul and John were upfront and confident.

Can you pinpoint the time period when girls were willing to go to bed with a member of the band?
Yeah, about this time in 1963, at the start of the mania. Before then they had a following on a local level but they all had girlfriends who were always around. Let's see, John was probably already married to Cynthia, Paul was with, oh Christ, what was her name, it'll come to me. George was with Bernadette.

Was the clean-cut image Brian Epstein gave the group at odds with what you knew?
No, he just tidied them up a little bit, gave them a bit of a polish. Tried to make people forget that they were dirty boys just like anyone else.

Did Brian Epstein show favor to any one of the guys in particular?
No. I mean, he always saw them as a group of four. He never singled out anyone for special treatment.

What's your take on the opinion that John had sexual relations with Brian Epstein?
I have no take on it whatsoever, because I highly, highly doubt that there is anything to that story at all.

Was international fame like giving the band the keys to the candy store?
Once the mania started, it became a very tight little unit of about nine or ten men. John, Paul, George and Ringo, Brian, Neil, Derek, Mal and me. This was the group of people that was together all the time, and we were all sort of married to each other. Hardly anyone got into that tight circle. There weren't big jumbo jets or lorries full of gear and, you know, your entourages. It was three amplifiers and a drum kit in a van. There was no sound system or big lighting gear involved. That's how it was done back then.

At a time where a Beatle could have any woman on the planet, do you remember what you thought when John introduced Yoko as his girlfriend?
I remember John couldn't stand Yoko at the start. She was just some slag hanging around. The story that's often told is that they were madly in love from the off, but the truth of the matter is that Yoko pursued John despite his ambivalence towards her. In actual fact, she was really nothing but a stalker.

How would she stalk John?
In the mornings, she'd hang around downstairs until she saw John. Hours on end sometimes. Then John would feel bad and go down and talk with her, feeling like he ought to make it up to her by taking her to lunch or dinner. But sometimes we wouldn't let her in, and she'd hide behind parked cars in the street before pouncing and giving him a scrap of poetry or a little trinket. He didn't take her seriously.

What changed?
Well, as if by magic one night, he disappeared with her for a shag and came back down saying that he couldn't bear to be without her. It was night and day, just like that. I half-thought she had cast some sort of spell on the poor bastard. Once, he asked me to fetch some letters that he'd written and left at Yoko's place. He was particularly worried about them falling into the wrong hands.

Were they overtly sexual with each other?
Well, John had a folding double bed installed in the back of his Roller [Rolls Royce] so they could fuck each other. Christ knows why — her flat was right around the corner.

Lennon said, "You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact. And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth." Were they really?
Actually, if they were bastards to anyone, it was to each other.  n°

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