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What happened to the bisexual moment? In the mid-nineties, Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic of Nirvana kissed on Saturday Night Live, Time ran a cover story on bisexuality, and coeds felt each other up to the strains of Ani DiFranco.
But as bisexuality fell from sight, did it also fall from favor? A decade later, many people who feel an attraction to both sexes still find themselves stigmatized. If there were any lingering doubts that bisexuality had become passé, two weeks ago The New York Times obliterated them with the sensitively titled article "Straight, Gay or Lying?," which touted a new study suggesting that male bisexuality is a myth.
In May, Hooksexup published the personal essay "Come As You Are" by Neal Medlyn, who also happens to be my husband. It suggested that male bisexuality was not a myth, but quite real and misunderstood. Our feedback boards lit up. So in this month's issue, we expanded the discussion. Mike Albo discusses his fear of infidelity in gay relationships and proposes bisexual "gender monogamy" as a solution. Sarah Hepola revisits the bygone era of the "lesbian until graduation," and Andy Horwitz discusses the complications of coming out twice.
We have no interest in bisexuality becoming trendy again, or seeing a Very Special Episode of Will & Grace on the topic. But we would like to better understand why bisexuality is dismissed and feared, why people have trouble entertaining the possibility that there's something between A and B. Enjoy the issue, take our poll, and tell us your stories in Feedback. Ada Calhoun
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Commentarium (53 Comments)
Congratulations on taking up the last frontier of sexual liberation. It's a cliche, but it's true: bisexuals are not understood by either the straight or gay community (although in my experience the gay community at least partly gets it).
the results of your poll thus far are pretty staggering -- only 3% of readers identify as gay, around 18% as bi (mostly women), but only something like 25% describe themselves as exclusively heterosexual in the kinsey scale. this provides real support for the view that most people are at least somewhat bi-sexual. this is dramatically different than what i experienced 20 years ago in highschool, when even among liberal educated people homophobia was rampant. me? i am a pretty straight guy -- i am not sure i could be too much more straight actually. having said that, i have always appreciate the attractiveness of guys as well as women, and i made out with a guy once post college, largely as a curiosity thing and demonstrate to myself that i was cool (it was a dare /spin the bottle situation among liberal people, an element of peer pressure was at work). i gotta think that everyone on some level would like to suck dick -- its an oral fixation thing probably left over from nursing as a baby -- in the same way that everyone with a head on their shoulders would give their left pinky to experience sex from both the male and female vantage. to want anything less is to be unambitious, or inadequately curious.
Saying someone is heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual, presents a still-limited factor where none is appropriate.
Imagine someone who asks "Do you eat mexican, chinese, or italian food?"
Some people like more than one, some people like more than one at the same time, some people like different combinations, different fusions... certain men may be attractive to certain men in certain ways and engaging in certain acts, same with women, same with all...
Point being, any time we desire to create 'titles' in order to group individuals together, we limit those individuals to the confines of the group.
Personally, I consider myself generally heterosexual, but I'm open to involving myself with a man and a woman or multiples at the same time - being alone with a man doesn't excite me. What the future might hold remains to be seen, but for the time being that's it.
Which brings about one last point. When one "leaves their flock", they end up being chastised by many of their former friends and lovers because of their decision. In truth, I support every individual (assuming appropriate safety and consent) doing what they enjoy, whatever it may be. If sucking 5 dicks today and making out with a beautiful woman tomorrow and being celibate the next is your thing, go for it - whatever is right for you. There's no point in limiting yourself because of your 'title'.
I'll solve the riddle to my sexuality. I am female. I am not attracted to the male body, just the male mind. A guy could be the sexiest man on earth and I would not find him attractive unless I could hold an intellegent conversation with him. Now the female body I find very attractive. If she's good looking I like her. (most girls around here are dumb so all you can judge them on is their looks)
Congratulations on approaching one of the 'last closets' in our still-largely-messed-up-sexually society.
I've been bisexual since my early teens, and now as I approach fifty, the entire furor regarding bi-intolerance on the part of straights or gays still mystifies me: I've even heard the rumor that Bi's were responsible for the original spread of AIDS. I think that, in the main, the intolerance stems from either camp (straight or gay) preferring the 'pigeon hole' mentality so popular among people who simple get worn out trying to stretch their brains along new tracks of thinking. Either that, or they're simply jealous that WE get to play BOTH sides of the street.
Male bisexuality is no myth. The 'myth' is that people with sharply curtailed horizons are incapable of thinking 'outside the box.' Which may be all the better for those of us who continue to exist and thrive outside the 'normal' parameters of society. The last thing we really want is intolerant people analyzing us.
Thank you for taking a look at this - and to those of you who don't understand us or still think we are a myth...look: there goes Elvis....
toda la raz
I must say that I'm delighted that you are covering this issue. It's one that is usually either ignored or treated with disrespect. I'm the editor of a new book called Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, in which 184 people from 32 different countries tell their stories. There's real power in hearing actual people telling stories about their lives. I'm hoping that after you finish reading all of the articles on this website, you'll go onto amazon or biresource.org and order yourself a copy of Getting Bi.
I unfortunately said I was a lesbian at 21 years of age, and have been bound to this label ever since. But at 37 years of age I am not so sure. I don't believe there is such a thing as a bisexual. I really feel that, that word just leaves room to go back to a comfort zone or its just easier to say than, "I am gay or lesbian". I have been very attracted to men my entire life, but I felt the need to come out and this has stuck no matter who or what I date....but I well never consider myself bisexual.
DDTnNY
I am a bisexual (leaning towards women, which makes me...well, YOU decide) male-to-female crossdresser who basically feels like while you have gay and straight communities who seemingly want little if anything to do with one another, neither side gives bisexuals any viability. When I 'came out' as a transgender person, straight friends gawked. Gay friends ignored. Straight women felt threatened by my trans-disposition and distrustful because I enjoyed being with (select) guys. I actually found myself in a relationship with a true lesbian, oddly enough, who was able to look past my physical body to the person within, but our relationship was devastated because a few of her ignorant, elitist gay 'clique' could not accept me as her lover (because I'm physically a boy and that's unacceptable). I think that's why bisexuality fell to the wayside, because while all straight men see 2 bi chicks as a cool thing, straight women don't see the idea of their boyfriend and another guy as erotic. And gay folks just feel like any interaction with the opposite sex is a violation of some unwritten queer law worthy of a scarlet letter (which letter, you can decide). I think we bisexuals play an important role, but have backed into the shadows because both straight and gay people think we're 'not good enough' for either team. And that just isn't right, on so many levels.
i
There are many things I could say as an openly bi woman who's involved in my local GLBT scene. (And, isn't it ridiculous that GLBT is used by "our" community org's but the B and the T are largely ignored and underserved?) I have found solace and help by learning about the gender identity movement-- bis and trans/ gender variant people share a lot of challenges and gifts. I am tired of being people's teaching tools. It's amazing how ignorant people can be, and the stupid questions they ask. I think the frustration is because that I simply don't see the big deal: sexuality is complex but it shouldn't be reductive. You should love and have sex with whoever feels good to you, and sometimes I feel even almost more evolved for thinking beyond the lines of gender expression and gay/straight.
I think the reason why a gay or lesbian person would shy away from a person who is bi is that there is largely no guarantee involved -- even LESS than there is in the case of a hetero or homo relationship, that is. With same-sex marriage still a distant wish, homosexual couplings have very little to symbolically tie them together other than feelings. A bi-sexual person only adds to this uncertainty by admiting to having tastes that (in most cases) oscillate from time to time. It's not that I would DENY that some people find themselves in this position/orientation, but I would not date someone who was bisexual simply on the grounds that they would feel perfectly justified in leaving me when the mood struck them and that would have to be "okay" with me... and it's NOT.
Thanks for your honest and forthright articles on bisexuality. As a monogamous bisexual woman, though, I feel a little left out. It is still assumed that it is easy for bisexual women to come out because they constitute some of the fantasies of straight men. But what about those of us who don't groove on fulfilling Girls Gone Wild fantasies at all and who have simply come to terms with the fact that, for better or worse, we are capable of falling in love with and feeling desire for both men and women (but not at the same time)? I personally haven't fulfilled a lot of crazy fantasies, but have had a very small number of serious and committed (read monogamous) relationships with members of both sexes. And I'm open to looking for that "right person" among both sexes because I know how rare real love can be. So there.
By the way, the feedback from members of the gay community suggesting that bisexuals are likely to leave their partners when the mood strikes are hurtful, if not unexpected. I would think that marginalized sexual minorities could be more supportive to each other...
I am a "bi" girl who has had it quite rough these past few years because of people trying to label me as hetero or gay. I find that I am more attracted to females and if I am honest with myself, men just don't do it for me unless there is alcohol involved. But here's the kicker, I've had more boyfriends because lesbians are less accepting of the bi label. After a rundown of my previous relationships with any lesbian, I get the "oh, she's not a serious lesbian look, and they go after the girl who claims to be a lesbian but has never had any homosexual experience and is a die-hard prude (not to say this is bad, just a little sad). Anyway, I read every essay in this issue and I still felt that bi-sexuals are going to be stigmatized until the queer community finally wraps their minds over the fluidity of sexuality. I, for one, have never felt the urge to leave one sex for the other. If things aren't working with one person, you move on, regardless of the gender of the other person. I feel that the fear that many queer people have of bi people stems from their own insecurities of being left for a hetero and their own sexuality not to be recognized fully. That said, bi people unite. For all the little girls out there who like to kiss their gfs more than their bfs but have a hard time meeting women ready to deal with your open heart, give it time you will meet someone who understands and it's a damn shame that I had to find it in a guy because I miss women. But hey, it's their loss.
Funny, all the posturing and posing. Seems to me, it is just plain dumb nature. Sex is sex. Pleasure comes from many directions, many sources. An individual very likely BLOCKS certain sources due to some threat they perceive. Bi is there if only you are honest and free enough to embrace it. All else is wearing blinders. I'm a male, mature and of broad experience. I've loved people of both genders, lived with both, been rejected by both, excited and seduced by both. What's the difference? The persona inside the physical equipage has no gender. Spirit is gender neutral. Friction is friction.
Personal identity is created by setting limits, drawing boundaries. Fearful people draw tighter restrictions, search for clear cut images to define themselves. It requires an adventurous and courageous spirit to face/accept the nebulous actuality of existence and the fluidity of identity. Gender identity is an ego crutch. Limp or fly free, your choice.
Physically I find men more exciting. Sex with men is more dynamic, strenuous, more purely physical... but women are more emotionally satisfying, deeper connections, more conducive to peace and tranquility.
For those interested in significant details: I raised two children, a son and a daughter. Both identify as bi. I am generally monogamous in the serial sense. I focus on one individual and build as best a relationship as possible. Losing focus and desiring another person means ending that outgrown relationship. As a young child I recognized emotional and physical desire for both genders. I never desired a cohesive, three party relationship. Neither sex leaves me feeling incomplete. Significant or not, I have always been categorized as a very creative individual of a driving and willful personality. I am a painter, an author and have been an executive with a Fortune 500 company as well as a consultant to many manufacturing companies. I believe totally in the creation of one's own destiny and individual power over circumstance. And No, I don't believe in (nor respect) gay or straight. Faulty labels, both, born of self deception. db
I am 79 years old, always, horny, probably born horny.Ate my first pussy at 5 years old. Been married 56 years. Had numerous affairs, all of long duration from 6 mohths to over 30 yaers. All have been hetrosexual until a few years ago, when I entered the swinging way of life. Of course all secret friom my wife who lost ALL interest in tenderness, love. passion and of course sex. Thirty-six years ago I started havingaffairs. They were more than sex. It was a deep emotional, financial and sexual union. It was plainfrom the start, that only fun and games, no devorce etc.All of the women were in complete agreement. At a swinging party when everyone was doing someone, it only seemed natural to grab a nearby guy cock and start sucking it. I acutully enjoyed it. Since then I have had sex with men only rarely. I have been done in the ass, and I have done the same, but mostly I would suck a guy off. They were all friends of mine. No strangers, or glory hole activities, etc. My current partner 25 years young wqas never into swinging, but wanted to try it. So we did she liked it and we have had several great encounters. I mether on the internet 9 years ago. We have enjoyed each others company, she has been moe of a "wife" in the trued since, than my own wife. She enjoyed being with a woman for the first time and has enjoyed several times since then.This life style has served me well, I have had a good sex life and made a lot of women happy. I always tried to give more than I recweied. Help tem get better jobs, do their "honey do jobs", loan them money, let them use my credit cards. Tey always paid me back. But with tis "semi-bisexual" pesonality I have described ahs served me well. I would encourge all men and women to at last sampe it. Harold in Texas (no other identification please
I enjoyed reading Mike Albo's column "Brave New World" about his desire to be in a relationship with a bi guy who was women on the side, but only women. I don't know if a bisexual guy is really the answer for you, but these kinds relationships do exist.
I'm bisexual and I've had serious relationships and sexual encounters with both men and women. Although I'm attracted to men and women more or less equally overall, my relationships with them have been fairly different. The best dynamic I've had so far was in a committed but open relationship with a gay man. Although I was free to play with other men, I wasn't interested at all; my man satisfied all those needs. But I did enjoy having the opportunity to have casual experiences with women.
So in effect, I was monogamous with men and non-monagamous with women. For me, "gender monagamy"--as you put it--was ideal. And no, I don't think you're being biphobic, anti-women, limited, or dim. As long as you recognize and appreciate the diversity of sexuality out there, there's nothing wrong with having a clear idea of what would be a good arrangement for you.
To JTM: You say "I would not date someone who was bisexual simply on the grounds that they would feel perfectly justified in leaving me when the mood struck them and that would have to be 'okay' with me... and it's NOT." You're free to make that choice, but I find that to be a really odd assumption on your part. I wouldn't feel at all justified on leaving my partner on a whim or a mood swing, and most bisexuals I know wouldn't either. And although my desires fluctuate, they've never fluctated to the point that I lost all interest in one gender or another. This really has more to do with your own fears than bisexuality itself.
To DDTnNY: If your sexual identity works for you, so be it. Just be aware that for many people, it's harder to say "I'm bisexual" than to say "I am gay or lesbian". Whatever currency bisexuality buys in the straight community is more than made up for the flack we get from the gay/lesbian community. So yes, true bisexuals do exist and it isn't the cop-out it may seem to be.
I've been "out" as bisexual since i was about 16, now I am 27. I've always gotten a lot of prejudice on this issue from gay and straight people alike, most of whom do not believe bisexuality exists. Here is the short of it: I simply find people attractive, and i always have. I love men and women quite equally. The experiences are different but both can be quite exciting and meaningful, not to mention fun :) I'm certain I will always feel this way, and I'm proud to say that I'm bisexual.
To the person who would never date a bisexual person because you assume bisexuals could always leave you when the mood struck them for someone of the other sex: wake up. If you are heterosexual and dating another heterosexual, they can leave you if the mood strikes them too. If you're gay and dating another gay person, they can leave you if the mood strikes them too. You can't assume someone, because of being bisexual, will leave you because of their sexuality. People leave relationships period. And sometimes people leave relationships not to enter into a different one. Ever think about that? Maybe they just discovered they didn't like you at all. I'm bisexual and I have been in serious relationships with people of both genders, never bisexuals themselves, and let me tell you, I've been left, not always been the leaver. So it goes both ways, so to speak.
I am a 55 year old male and I have always been attracted to men...physically. Emotionally I have always wanted to be with a woman..and married to a woman. Does that identify me as bisexual? Sex is sex...it's a physical response for men. Does it matter who is pleasuring you as long as you end up with an orgasm? My wife accepts me as a bisexual since we were engaged in a threesome many years ago and we have talked about it openly; I think she enjoyed watching. Recently she has enjoyed Queer as Folk and enjoys watching men make love! She loves the penis! She is very accepting and that is psychologically very helpful for me. At times I do feel "guilty" about being sexually attracted to men. Am I cheating my wife from full intimacy and commitment? It can be very confusing. What is not confusing is my lust for the male body...I can't change that. That is how God made me. Religiously and spiritually I do not have any guilt (although it was a long road to get there due to my strict Catholic upbringing!). I feel sexual preference is a result of brain formation as is everything else. We must respect all people for what they believe and feel as long as they can respect the boundaries of others. Vive la sex!
Thank you for the great articles on bisexuality. I'm a fifty-something male and wrestled with the nature of my sexual identity for years. From a youthful not even thinking about it I went through "I'm straight" to "I'm gay" to "maybe not gay" to "I'm straight" to "I'm gay after all" stages so many times my head still spins. All I knew is that I could be with a man or a woman and feel the same things; the joy and love of a powerful connection, the mutual lust, the happy touching, the passion to make someone feel fantastic, the implicit trust, the allowance to command and submit, the shared surprise at an unexpected discovery. Even my fantasy life and erotic dreams traveled all possible paths, as they still do.
What did I do with this hoard of riches? Not nearly enough. Because I suffered the lack of understanding, bemusement, and outright hostility of both straight and gay communities each time I "switched," I tended to keep two distinct groups of lovers and friends, one thinking I was straight, the other, gay. I tried very hard to keep these groups separate, not always successfully, sometimes with comic, sometimes tragic, results.
About ten years ago I had the great fortune of meeting a married couple who each declared themselves bisexual. They are younger than I am, but they became my mentors in the political thicket surrounding bisexuality.
I no longer pretend I'm anything other than I am - a bisexual. A friend of mine, a bi woman, once told me that she didn't feel affection should be determined by physiology. Yes, exactly. I believe that humans, like their primate cousins, are naturally bisexual, and that efforts, intentional or not, by gays or straights to get bisexuals to declare their orientation is just a smokescreen of uncertain genesis.
I find the NY Times study to be elementary at best. It measures bisexuality on a level of men's visual stimulation only. Having accepted myself as bisexual for many years now, I have gone beyond that to self examine the many dimensions of my sexuality. I would have to say that I have accepted for a long time that I am more attracted visually to males, but I am left more satisfied physically with the sex act with a woman, that being my wife. Perhaps it has something to do with my finding anal sex unappealing. While I find sex wih my male friend very enjoyable, it is frankly a bit more physical work for me, and I need it in far smaller doses.
Also, would that study even apply to women if they could "get it up"? Most studies that I have seen indicate that while men are more apt to be stimulated visually, women are more aroused by foreplay both emotionally and physically. I think that study was incredibly biased. Why do we even need more studies to tell us if we exist or not? Kinsey figured it out way back in the forties. If we all indeed fall somewhere on the scale of one to ten, it would indicate that we would be by far in the majority.
Bisexual is a difficult terms for many to understand. Being bi, I explain to people that I don't see a gender in a person, I only see a person as a person. If it happens to be a he, so be it or vice versa. I am picking and choosing to be with the person because of who he/she is not what they have in their pants.
People also asked about the physical part, I told them that yes, sex is different with a male vs a female, sex is about getting off, on the other hand I prefer making love and that is not gender depended.
It's been a while, so thanks for covering this! I was a BUG (bi until graduation) and in the ten years since then, I have only made out with a few women. I prefer relationships with men and sex with men, but every once in a while I'll lust after a woman (just like I'll lust after a man) but not act on it. I've always found women's bodies more attractive than men's, and it's the women in porn who 'do it' for me (who says women aren't visual and don't get off on porn?) but I'd rather date a man. Does this make me bi? Was I just experimenting in college? What about my love for breasts, hips, and the soft kiss of a woman? I miss that, but I think it's like missing the unkown when in a monogamous relationship, no matter straight, gay, bi, whatever.
While I prefer women and their bodies there is something about a big hard cock. Even now and then I like to watch gay sex tapes. Growing up, oral sex with guys was common and easy. Sex with a woman was the real prize. My first kiss was a guy. I still think about sucking him. I loved it.
However women are just better to be with. Guys will flirt or show an erection in their pants but once the thrill of the chase is over and he is sucking me or me him, I lose interest.
when i was 20 i stayed up late with a friend of mine partying, (we,re both guys), it was time to go to bed, so we went to my room and i layed on my bed and he layed on the floor, i was so horney i thought about making myself cum in front of him but decided to lean over and touch his dick, real quick, then layed back down, he didnt pull away, he waited a minute and sat to his knees and slowly pulled back my underwear and put my dick in his mouth, at that moment i realized i had wanted him to do it for soooo long, it was too good for words. now im as horney for girls as any man alive, maybe more, but when he made me cum, i couldnt wait to suck him, and i did, like a wild person, couldnt get enough, we sucked each other in 5 other sessions till he moved away, ive been waitng to suck him for 10 years now, maybe someday..
As soon as I saw the word "bisexuality", my eyes lit up. At 12, a straight friend and I started masterbating openly, beside eachother. Eventually we agreed it would be better to do it for eachother. After that got old, I slyly presented the possibility of a blowjob. I loved sucking him off, the smell and taste of his cock got me instantly hard. I began questioning if I was gay because of how much I loved it. I was very attracted to girls, but I thought that maybe even gay guys found girls attractive. When I learned of bisexuality, I instantly realized that explained it. My friend and I "grew" out of our activities once highschool came. Since then I have had one sexual encounter with a man. He was 56, I was 19 and we met on a chat line and got together within the hour. His cock didn't smell the same, his cum didn't taste the same and I didn't get nearly as horny. I now ask, am I bi, or was it just that one??
This is the most interesting issue to me. As a 55 yr old virgin male and one who has wrestled with this isslue since puberty. I feel alone and at the same time part of a community whose time has come. I came to the conclusion early in life that we all have the ability to love and have sex with either gender. That LOVE after all is what we all look for and where we find it includes many factors, sex is a physical act. As a male I can climax to a visual of a man or a woman delivering stimulation to a man. In real life I believe we are capable of that as well. I look for LOVE and acceptance from a partner who is intelligent, warm,understanding and tender...I hope one day I will find that person and will except which ever gender it comes in. Thanks for giving me hope.
I spent most of my adolescence dating girls but fantasizing about guys. When I got to college, most of the friends I made were bi/lesbian girls and gay guys, so my by senior year I came out as gay. About 3 weeks later, I started having a long-term sexual relationship with a girl (conveniently, my lab partner). Talk about confusing. A few years later, after dating several more women, I started dating men again, and have come to the realization that I am indeed bi. Coming out as bi, after being "known" as a backsliding gay, just made everyone who knows me roll their eyes--they want me to just "pick a side"--the guy I was most recently seeing broke up with me when I told him I was bi. It's not easy for most people to understand, but it's the clearest way that I can identify myself without denying a part of me.
During college, I shared an apartment with a very sexy friend. Each of us had girlfriends, and were enthusiastically hetero. He knew he was good-looking, and wasn't shy about being naked in front of me. I admired his sculpted swimmer's body and perfect penis, and couldn't help but wonder what he'd look like erect. One night when both our girlfriends were gone, we talked about the various things we'd try "just once." He suggested that trying a homosexual encounter "would have to be with a good friend." We were soon in a 69 position, and I was mastering the art of deep throating his perfect erection. We were surprised at how "natural" it felt. Neither of us wanted to kiss, nor did we want anal sex. For the rest of the year, we enjoyed our girlfriends, and we enjoyed each other's cocks. I've been married for over 20 years, and love every minute of sex with my wife. Still, I enjoy the sight of a good looking naked man. And the memories of my friend's penis in my mouth still gets me hard.
I discovered this issue while I was trying to get clear about how I was feeling, and it has illuminated quite a bit for me . As a 32 year old mixed cultured man who has only had sex with women, I've always thought of myself as heterosexual but with an open mind. Perhaps I've been too timid to admit any more! Yet More and more I had to admit that I desire men aswell as women... and whenever I tried to deny this I lost my sex drive altogether. It is only when I admit that I am attracted to men as well as women that i find my sexual imagination is wide awake ... because I can't clearly separate the two identities, and as the term bisexual seems to imply a split, I've recently concluded that I'm just sexual!
Wow, just found this site and it is giving me such peace of mind. I am 64 and for the past year I have been thinking about being with men. I am married, but no sex in our lives anymore. I e-mail a guy I met on line but he is in Florida and I am all the way over on the west side of the country. I am trying to find out how to discreetly meet a man with similar feelings. I want a male for sex and friendship. But I could never let my wife know I might be bi. She would not understand and would be disgusted with me. Same for my children. But is nice to know there are others out there struggling with this problem. Maybe I will be able to find someone someday.
I have recently broken up with my husband of two years who desperately wanted to get a diverse without any reason. I know for sure he is not seeing any women, and he loves me very much. I am 27 and very good-looking and madly in love with him. But he just wanted out giving me vague reasons as if we are not suitable and we don
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thank you Hooksexup! as a bi teen, i was confused over my sexuality for years. i believed all the stereotypes that were told to me: that my bisexuality was just a phase, that no one was really bi, that i was just a closeted gay guy trying to convince myself of my heterosexuality. but it didn't really add up, and these articles helped me see that. now i am happy and comfortable with my attraction to both genders.
I briefly scanned a lot of the feedback on this page... Some seem to get it, but most appear to be clueless. I, personally am an out of the closet BI-Male. Which also happens to make things at work less than comfortable at times. I often find myself disgusted by the lack of suitable men in my area, and have even discussed it with a few of my female friends. They usually resort to the old," You'll fuck ANYTHING..." And then apologize the next day ( Alcohol, what a wonderful invention..:-S).
People just don't seem to undersatnd. It is NOT always about just SEX. Sometimes, just as with straights and gays, it IS just SEX, but there also times when it is about EMOTIONS.
My male partner/lover/husband of 3 years identifies proudly and enthusiastically as bisexual. Throughout his life he has had ongoing relationships with women, and ongoing sexual encounters and arrangements with men, from school friends to anonymous rough in beats and glory holes, and everything in between. Some of this has been oral sex, some anal sex. He watches male porn, and loves rimming and anal play when we are in bed. But he is not gay. He feels/knows that he responds erotically and passionately to both women and men, and although the timing and circumstances may be different, he needs both in order to function as a whole.
I identify proudly as bisexual. Yes, i had the lesbian love encounter at university, but a 20 year marriage which followed those years kept me somewhat unhappily with a male partner, who in turn was denying his own bisexuality. But my first woman longings and awareness were as an early teenager, and they remained through the arid later years of my marriage. When I left the marital home, my sex life and longings became something of a smorgasbord, so long, intimate, erotic sessions with women were just as likely as they were with men.
When my Man and I met, we both found in the other somebody we could be completely at peace and honest with. Our bisexuality enhances our relationship. We know what the other needs, we can talk about it with each other (so many men are isolated, guilty, scared), we laugh about it, and we make sure that we both are able to meet our needs for somebody of the same sex. This happens through threesomes and swinging, in situations where we feel sure that the other person/s involved are genuine in their needs and desires instead of just performing for somebody, or ticking something off a list. It also happens through individual arrangements - he has male friends come over for beer, pizza and a blow job; i have spent long afternoons entertaining women. We are committed to each other in what appears on the surface to be an suburban domestic heterosexual existence. But we know that acknoweldgement of our sexuality, bisexuality, is just a part of the glue that holds us together.
There is a collection of short film coming out soon on DVD that may visually help any who deals with straight men & the men who loves them the DVD is called
JORGE AMEER presents STRAIGHT MEN & THE MEN WHO LOVE THEM TOO! ( II edition)
Hollywood Independents in association with Ariztical Entertainment and A.J. Productions presents a compilation of fictional short subject films taking an in-depth look at the complex, volatile and sometimes sexually charged intimate relationships between men...
Many straight Men have sex with other men...these are some of their stories..
CLICK HERE TO SEE THE YOUTUBE TRAILER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7BC_OlAgN0
more info at www.hollywoodindependents.com
Fascinating topic. I consider myself straight but have had several men fellate me (not at once - heh). Two of them were admittedly gay, but the last one lives with a woman and considers himself straight too. He just really likes to perform fellatio. He knows what I like, I know what he likes, and there is no dating, making out, or other attraction. It just works.
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I am a bi-man and have been out and open in the bubble of a somewhat accepting art community. But as I venture beyond that community I am suddenly facing really big prejudices, misconceptions. Because of this I started seeking out other bi men for support. And the truth is the only generalization that can be said is all bi-men are attracted to both sexes. But the diversity is HUGE! I have always dated many more women and a few guys I never fell in love with men. But they have been great friends one is still a friend. But some bi men certainly have a preference for guys. Others are 50/50. Some are monogomous others can not fit into the monogomous box no matter how hard they try - but the same is true about straight and gay men. My only advise is really judge the individual person. Part of the reason for the myth is bi-men and bi-women although in huge numbers are mostly hidden. I am in a bi group that has 350 members but only 16 men or women will actually show up for an event. The rest feel the need to in the closet when that's all we are doing is having coffee or playing volleyball.
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