If, in 1973, you'd asked a writer to envision pop culture circa 2006, would he have predicted online dating, tax-deductible $12 martinis, BlackBerry sex and Gawker? If Voltaire, the VH1 commentator of the 18th century, were alive today, would he declare that if Paris Hilton didn't exist, it would have been necessary to invent her? In this issue, we asked some of our favorite writers to imagine the world of pop culture and nightlife, three decades from now. What they came up with was scarier — and funnier — than a stretch Hummer full of Kevin Federline records. — The Hooksexup staff
The Eleventhby Amanda Boyden 11.08
After celebrity worship becomes the fastest-growing religion.
Pirate Daddy's Lonely Hearts Club Call-In Showby Jardine Libaire 11.09
Transcripts from a Google-FBI Inc. investigation of an underground radio show where callers are encouaged to live off the grid, and disconnect their government-issued emotional software.
Perfectionby Margot Berwin 9.14
An idea with perfect legs: plastic surgery is socialized by the government.
The Girlfriend From Another Planetby Tom Lombardi
In a universe where you can go on a date by swallowing a pill — and where it's illegal to have sex with only one person — online dating gets complicated.
The Man Who Killed (And Saved) Wall Streetby Joel Stein
In a 2033 issue of Fortune magazine, a reporter profiles a man who became a billionaire selling pre-owned celebrity items. In the future, if it isn't endorsed, touched, or trashed by a celebrity, it doesn't really exist.
Love, American Style, 2033by Darcy Cosper
In 2033, swinging has replaced baseball as the national pastime. In Washington D.C. — now a land of legalized VirtualSex clubs and oxygen speakeasies — a guide walks a eager tour group through the Swinging Hall of Fame.
The Upgradeby Karl Iagnemma
After a man upgrades his robot girlfriend one too many times, he starts to need some old-fashioned space.
Don't Let the 100% Divorce Rate Spoil Your Wedding!by Lisa Gabriele
In 2033, statistics show that all marriages fail within two years. Turning a negative into a positive, the publisher of the country's top wedding magazine circulates a staff memo outlining the magazine's new editorial strategy.
Inboxby Douglas Rushkoff
In 2033, age 70 is the new 30.
After the Patriarchyby Jay McInerney
When a male assistant is sexually objectified by his high-powered female boss, he reflects on how male/female dynamics have changed since the '00s.
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