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  • 8-Bit Love: The Ten Greatest Vintage Game Songs to Have Sex To, part 2

    Cyriaque Lamar is a New York-based writer with a New Jersey-bred weltanschauung. He’s had original work published at Cracked.com and performed at The New York International Fringe Festival. Cyriaque is thrilled to contribute to 61FPS, as it brings him one step closer to his childhood dream of living on the set of Nick Arcade.

    5.) Final Fight CD – “Walk In the Park (Bay Area)”



    System: Sega CD (1993)
    Sounds Like: A sweaty nooner with Don Johnson.
    I always loved the premise of Final Fight. The idea of a city’s mayor stripping down to his underjohns and beating the shit out of unemployed people in order to stimulate job growth was really ahead of its time. Wait? Mike Haggar was actually fighting to save his daughter from an evil street gang? And here I thought the game was some kind of radical Objectivist propaganda. This Bay Area theme is classic whatever console you play Final Fight on, but the Sega CD version pushes it to the limit with gale-force porno guitars. Seriously, these riffs are like an F4 on the Fujita Scale. In my mind’s eye, the person who would get the most out of this track wears a ton of sea foam green and frequents Fort Lauderdale whorehouses. Sometimes, you just gotta be that person. When it comes to the Sega CD, the only thing sleazier is Night Trap.

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  • 8-Bit Love: The Ten Greatest Vintage Game Songs to Have Sex To, part 1

    Cyriaque Lamar is a New York-based writer with a New Jersey-bred weltanschauung. He’s had original work published at Cracked.com and performed at The New York International Fringe Festival. Cyriaque is thrilled to contribute to 61FPS, as it brings him one step closer to his childhood dream of living on the set of Nick Arcade.

    There are three reasons this list exists. First, I felt obliged to highlight 61FPS’s distinction as the gaming apparatchik of an internet sex publication. Second, I wished to showcase the unsung virtuosos of yesteryear who made masterworks using a limited palette of sounds. Finally, I intend to rebut those critics who still dismiss video games as low culture. Using the below examples, I intend to reclaim the carnal legacy of video games by evincing how early console music illustrated the gamut of human sexuality, from atavistic, heteronormative modes of eroticism to polymorphous perversity as delineated by Freud.

    Plus, the thought of people sticking penises into vaginas to Nintendo music is funny.

    10.) Radical Dreamers – “The Girl Who Stole the Stars”



    System: Super Famicom Satellaview (1996)
    Sounds Like: Koyaanisqatsi composed on Mario Paint.
    Since roughly 95% of all human lovemaking involves someone with a XX chromosome pairing, I thought it necessary to seek out my female associates’ thoughts on which game music best applies to amore. The suggestions I received were few yet incisive — responses ranged from “the Kid Icarus theme” to “Who the eff effs to video games?” Ultimately though, I deferred to my own instincts and picked this pan-pipe jam from the Japan-exclusive, text-based sequel to Chrono Trigger. Composed by the legendary Yasunori Mitsuda, “The Girl Who Stole the Stars” is easily the most romantic theme on our list.

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  • FMV Heaven: Panzer Dragoon's Opening Theatrics

    As far as I'm concerned, nobody has the right to laugh at you if you picked the Sega Saturn as your horse in the 32-bit console race. The Saturn was home to Panzer Dragoon, a series that wholly deserves to be thriving today. Unfortunately, even the memory of Sega's dragon-shooter is filmy; though game nostalgia is big business, Panzer Dragoon games have not haunted us beyond a weak attempt here and there, and we're sadder for it.

    3D games in the 32/64-bit era tended to be afflicted with the Uglies. It was an awkward, transitional phase for gaming that was worsened by developers who fought against console limitations instead of working with them.

    Panzer Dragoon worked with the Saturn's limitations. The shooter's visuals might not be as impressive as they once were, but there's no mistaking the care taken with the art direction, especially in the opening cutscene (thanks in part to creative contributions made by French artist Moebius, whose Arzach comic series served as the main inspiration for Panzer Dragoon's arid, rocky world).

    The game's opening cinema doesn't burden the player with much in the way of text beyond a brief summary of events. Despite the brevity and the relative blandness of the character models (intentionally dull colours, low polygon count and textures, jerky movements), the hostility and danger of the environment is conveyed perfectly. Early in the cinema, a friend of the hero's is picked off by a scuttling crustacean with a large stinger. The hero chases the sand-crab into some ruins, where it's quickly preyed upon by a much bigger, even deadlier shelled beast. But within seconds, that monster is slain in the crossfire of a dragon fight, which is merely one far-reaching tentacle of a world-consuming war.

    “No,” Panzer Dragoon says to the player, “the world you're about to explore is not pro-human.”

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  • Vandal Hearts Resurrected, Has Terrible Character Art



    You’d never suspect that, once upon a time, strategy RPGs were a rare and beautiful beast. Twelve years ago, you wouldn’t open a magazine and think, “Ah, yes, I see. This month there are thirteen different Game Boy games coming out from Namco, Square, Inis, Nippon Icchi, and Atlus that will allow me to train tiny warriors to walk across a colorful grid to slaughter evil beasts. Oh, look, there’s six more on Sony’s Playstation and nine more on Sega’s Saturn. Can’t wait to see next month’s haul. I’ll be moving across those grids and having fun until the sun goes out, by gum!” It just didn’t work like that. There were only a few of them. There was Tactic’s Ogre, which was made by Yasumi Matsuno. Then there was Final Fantasy Tactics which was, um, made by Yasumi Matsuno. But then there was Vandal Hearts, a dead ringer for Matsuno’s SRPGs that was, in fact, not made by Matsuno.

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  • Trailer Review: Bayonetta



    You’d think that with time and experience and the accumulation of knowledge, a man would move past certain things. He’d start to develop more refined tastes that reflect a growing passion for life’s finer stuff. You’d think he’d exhibit a predilection for more metered explorations of the human experience, subtle meditations on adult relationships and history. You’d think that witches who have guns built into their shoes, who get naked while attacking monsters with their hair wouldn’t be the sort of thing that would interest him.

    Nope. Bayonetta is about as cultured as I’m likely to get.

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  • In Defense of the QTE: Ninja Blade



    Now that the man’s winding down his career, let us honor Yu Suzuki for his most important contribution to game design: the QTE. Hey now. I can hear you rolling your eyes. We might be sick of pressing the X button every single time Crystal Dynamics wants Lara Croft to kick a tiger with style, but the quick time event provides us with some of videogames’ most satisfying thrills. They aren’t inherently bad. They’re just implemented very, very poorly. This week, you’ll be able to walk out into the world and pick up a copy of From Software’s Ninja Blade. Hell, you can go home right now and download a demo of Ninja Blade just to have a taste. One level is all you need to exemplify just how good quick time events can be in a game.

    Here’s why.

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  • Sega's Yu Suzuki Steps Down

    Yu Suzuki is perhaps one of Sega's biggest names; with titles like Out Run, Hang On, Virtua Fighter, and Shenmue under his belt, he's left his mark on the industry with some technically innovative and memorable video games. But since the Dreamcast failure/Sega-Sammy merger, he's been quiet in his role as the company's R&D creative officer--so quiet, in fact, that Sega of America CEO Simon Jeffrey once believed Suzuki was no longer employed by the company at all. He's since realized his mistake.

    Jeffries' comment may have been a bit misinformed at the time, but with Friday's announcement that Yu Suzuki is indeed stepping down from his position at Sega, the company's American CEO may want to consider starting his own Psychic Friends Network.

    According to GameSpot:

    [T]his week Sega parent company Sega Sammy announced that the designer has stepped down--the publisher used the word "retired"--from his position as a R&D creative officer with the company. However, he isn't departing Sega entirely. A Sega of America representative confirmed for GameSpot that Suzuki will stay on with the publisher in a diminished capacity, continuing on as manager of the R&D department for Sega's AM Plus division. To date, AM Plus has released a pair of Japanese arcade games, the touchscreen fighter Psy Phi, and the character-driven racer Sega Race TV.

    I'll admit that Suzuki's games never really appealed to me, but I've always felt some sort of sympathy towards him as Sega's own Gumpei Yokoi.

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  • Recession Gaming Deals: The 360 Arcade Pack-In

    If you're anything like me, you probably don't have a lot of extra money to spend on entertainment. But the savvy among us know that it's not necessary to spend the standard $59.99 retail price of a new game to have fun. Everything from Steam's weekend deals to console digital download services prove that you don't have to go into debt to waste away a few afternoons. But sometimes, cutting out the middleman isn't always involved in finding amazing gaming deals; cheapskates are often welcome in the wonderful world of brick and mortar retail, as long as no one knows how truly poor we are.

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  • Sega, Show Some Decency

    In the many years since Sega's fall from grace, we've seen the company systematically destroy every franchise we've ever held dear for the sake of profit at any cost. Really, the only series that are safe at this point are the ones that are simply too unpopular to bother exploiting. Rest assured, fans of Panzer Dragoon and Jet Set Radio, you are safe. Though, at this point, it wouldn't be too crazy to see Sega sink their greedy talons into franchises that never really had a chance; I honestly wouldn't be shocked if the company announced a Burning Rangers sequel with random dungeons and a snowboarding mini-game.

    Because of the company's desperate status, Sega's had a rather spotty record lately. But one game has seemingly restored some dignity to once-great company: Valkyria Chronicles. In a world of lousy, misguided Sonic the Hedgehog games, it was a breath of fresh air to see a Miyazaki-inspired tactical RPG that brought to mind Dreamcast classics like Skies of Arcadia. Sega's reaction to this newly-restored dignity? "Let's make swimsuit-clad capsule toy versions of these great new characters!" That sound you just heard was the whole world shaking its head in shame.

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  • The 61FPS Review - MadWorld

    First and foremost, let me say this: I loved just about every second of Platinum Games' debut title MadWorld. If you have a Wii and are even slightly interested in over-the-top violence, I say get the game as soon as you possibly can. If you enjoyed the Wii's reigning champ of hardcore tongue-in-cheek violence No More Heroes, you'll find a lot to love in MadWorld. If you're a fan of Clover Studio's past work, in particular Viewtiful Joe and God Hand, you will probably love MadWorld. If you are a fan of Frank Miller's Sin City and/or black comedy, you will absolutely have a blast with MadWorld.

    Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's get into the nitty-gritty.

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  • Dr. Spock vs. The Watchmen vs. Terminator: The New Movie Tie-In



    Nostalgia, as Cole’s post on the ever-ubiquitous Final Fantasy VII so deftly illustrated, is a disease afflicting games criticism. It’s understandable why. The people writing about games today (not to mention the majority of people making them) came of age during videogames’ golden age. It’s no wonder fond memories color their perception of the entire medium. Nostalgia isn’t always a bad thing, especially when it inspires creativity. Just look at Bionic Commando Rearmed. But as Luc Sante says, “Nostalgia can be defined as a state of inarticulate contempt for the present and fear of the future.”

    Me, I love the future. I’m a ceaseless optimist, fueled by the promise of tomorrow, I am. When I feel the symptoms of nostalgia (itchiness, aquaphobia, uncontrollably defending Battletoads, frothing at the mouth) taking over my brain, I remember movie tie-ins. I think about going to Pompey Video and plunking down four dollars to subject myself to The Rocketeer on NES. I think about buying Die Hard Trilogy as one of my first Playstation games. Then I vomit and, like an exhausted drunk, I feel a little bit better.

    The movie tie-in is changing though. While you still see trash like Secret Level’s Iron Man game making millions, the big budget retail rush job isn’t the guaranteed success it used to be. Iron Man may have been a hit for Sega and Secret Level (providing the cash flow to finish the giant flop Golden Axe: Beast Rider), but The Incredible Hulk tie-in, released by Sega just a few months later, sold about as well as cans of Coke II. It isn’t just brand strength and high cost that makes tie-ins a greater risk.

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  • Dear Virtual Console: No More Alex Kidd Games, Please

    It's incredibly easy to bitch about Virtual Console, especially when you consider all of the notable games currently missing from Nintendo's digital download service. We're nearly two-and-a-half years into the life of the Wii, and still, no Yoshi's Island, no Majora's Mask, and no Earthbound. Yes, I went there; and I'd go back again if I had to. The absence of games that desperately need to be made available to Wii owners only becomes more tragic on the weeks when, like a turd sliding down the leg of a homeless man, the powers that be decide to release titles that should never be remembered, even in disgust. Ladies and gentlemen, with this week's selection of Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars, we are coming dangerously close to having the tracksuit-wearing monkey-boy's entire catalog available to a contemporary audience, and that ain't right.

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  • Watcha Playing: Sonic Unleashed (Wii) and Sega's Design Difficulties



    First an admonishment to Sonic fans. Granted, my observations are limited mostly to message board comments, but it seems to me that there is a certain segment of the Sonic fandom that will absolutely not be happy with Sonic unless he is running at high speed around loop-the-loops. Imagine if Mario fans turned their backs on the character every time he tried something different, and demanded that he stick to stomping on goombas. I admit I'm an outsider who's never been a Sonic fan, but I almost feel sorry for the little blue insectivore to be so hobbled, like a character actor forever doomed to reprise a signature role.

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  • Namco, Why You Gotta Make Me Hit You: Sonic Co-Creator’s Unnecessary Pac-Man “Comeback”



    Namco has hired Hirokazu Yasuhara to create a new Pac-Man to celebrate the little yellow glutton’s 30th anniversary in 2010. Namco chief of operations Makoto Iwai told Gamasutra that they’re making the game as a comeback vehicle for Pac-Man, to try and make him a relevant icon in today’s game market. When it comes to making great character-based games, you can’t do much better than Yasuhara. Yuji Naka’s gotten most of the glory, but Yasuhara was the real brains behind Sonic the Hedgehog’s glory days. He acted as director for the original Sonic trilogy on Genesis, was lead designer for Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles, and headed up Sonic’s unfinished Saturn debut, Sonic Extreme. After leaving Sega, he joined Naughty Dog and acted as a designer for Jak 2 and 3 as well as Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune. That right there is a flawless pedigree, a veritable trail of excellence blazed across a decade and a half.

    Why in the hell has this man been hired to make Pac-Man relevant again when Pac-Man’s creator already did just that two years ago? Someone please tell me how it makes sense to hire one of the best platformer designers of all time to make a freaking Pac-Man game? History has shown that a Pac-Man platformer is a terrible, terrible idea. Oh, you don't remember?

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  • Watcha' Playing: NiGHTS Journey of Dreams



    I'm on jury duty. Yep, I've been doing my civic duty since last week which means I've been going to the court house instead of work. I really did not want to get picked for jury duty but it's actually kind of nice. The experience is rather interesting and the hours are rather short, especially since I don't have to drive my typical 45 minute commute. I've been taking advantage of the extra time by digging into my backlog and pulling out a game I've had for months: NiGHTS Journey of Dreams.

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  • Miami Law: Welcome Back Victor Ireland of Working Designs

    Somehow I missed Victor Ireland’s re-emergence last December. I shouldn’t be too surprised. It might be big news to me, but the return of a niche industry icon best remembered by a handful of geeks for his American localizations of niche videogames ten years ago isn’t exactly Edge Online headline news material. It’s sidebar at best.

    For everyone reading who doesn’t smile when they hear the word Alundra, here’s the score. Victor Ireland co-founded Working Designs. After opening in 1986, Working Designs was one of the only publishers in the Western world devoted to localizing strange Japanese games, particularly those JRPG things we enjoy so much here at 61FPS. Working Designs translations tended to be a bit strange, littered with juvenile humor and American pop culture references. They serviced a very small audience; not only were they putting out games in an unpopular genre, they had a habit of releasing them for doomed consoles like the Turbo-Grafx 16, Turbo CD, Sega CD, and Sega Saturn.

    Working Design’s golden age was when they started releasing Playstation games at the end of the 1990s.

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  • Virtual-On and On: Oratorio Tangram Resurrected on Xbox Live Arcade



    I’m not sure that the videogame fan’s fetish for promotional and limited edition hardware is much of a problem. Most people just love having stuff. Some folks are into shoes. I’m not talking about people who hang out at Footlocker waiting for a fresh shipment of Lebron Signatures. I mean there’s a whole freaky subculture of people who collect and buy custom made sneakers designed by graffiti artists. They spend thousands of dollars on pairs of sneakers. Sneakers they already have. Those sneakers look different than their other sneakers. The things you learn watching Entourage, I tell you…

    The gamer’s most disturbing predilection is his unceasing devotion to brand. Nothing gets our blood going like the latest sequel, remake, or re-release. It isn’t just nostalgia, that ready scapegoat for franchise excitement. The iterative nature of game design (and business) has simply made us gluttons for the familiar. We are addicts for the names we know being followed by ever increasing numerals and for the inevitable resurrection of classic milieus.

    I’m feeling particularly guilty about it today. When it came out last night that Sega’s Virtual-On Oratorio Tangram was getting re-released on Xbox Live Arcade I damn near wet my pants. I’m a sucker, what can I say.

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  • Up All Night: X-Blades and the D-List Preservation Society



    “We need new pornos!” – “Spaghetti Western” by Primus

    Les Claypool was right. We do need new pornos. We need new trashy entertainment that borders on the pornographic. It’s essential. No, seriously. Come back. For all my highfalutin talk about the creative potency of games, I relish those games that might be a little base. A little crass. Sometimes, those games are terrible. That’s a good thing.

    I’ve been suffering a weird fascination with Gaijin Games’ X-Blades ever since it first popped up on Kotaku way back in November 2007, when it went by the name Oniblade. Its origins got me curious. There are hundreds of games out there that, even if you’re a rabid fanboy or a member of the press, you’ll never hear about. Korean MMOs, unlicensed Brazilian Genesis games, and, yes, weird action games from the Eastern Block; it’s impossible to follow everything. There’s just too much. So when something like X-Blades, some Russian paean to Japanese action games, pops its head far enough out of the ground you take notice. Especially when it’s coming out for consoles notorious for exorbitant development costs and marketing budgets.

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  • Sonic's Secret Past

    The ins and outs of Sonic the Hedgehog continuity have mostly been a mystery to all but the most insane fans of the franchise, mainly because Sonic's story really hasn't been all that consistent over time. We've gone from a little blue dude running on checkerboard-patterned dirt to emo inter-species love stories without any explanation as to just how this drastic change makes any sense whatsoever; and let's not forget about the multiple cartoon series and Archie Comics that make pinning down one true story of Sonic nigh impossible.

    But from the character's very inception, he did have his own "bible," which is essentially a guide to ensure that the Sonic characters, as well as the setting they exist in, remain consistent regardless of who's handling the property. Over time, the mishandlers of the Sonic franchise have veered very, very far away from what the universe is supposed to be; but, thanks to some leaked documents from a NEOGaf user aptly named TheSonicRetard, confused gamers worldwide can catch a glimpse of Sega's intentions for Sonic from day one.

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  • Fez May Finally Be More Than a Totally Sweet Demo



    For awhile there back in 2007, it was looking like blending 2D and 3D in a single game was going to be a bonafide trend. Super Paper Mario was the highest profile experiment in dimensional puzzle solving, but it was Zoe Mode’s overlooked Crush that really demonstrated the lasting potential of the new genre. Shifting the levels between sidescrolling, overhead 2D, and full 3D made for some inspired level design and hair-pullingly difficult puzzles. When the Independent Games Festival rolled around at the beginning of 2008, it looked like the 2D-3D mash-up was finally going to have its masterpiece in Polytron’s Fez. Fez mixed the same sort environment manipulation from Crush with deliciously retro graphics and sound. It looked awesome. Then it disappeared. I was sad.

    Gaming gods be praised! Fez has re-emerged, like a glorious sleepy groundhog signalling an early spring of sunshine and raw joy!

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  • WTFriday: Sega's Turd Polish

    Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week.

    You'll have to excuse me for returning once again to the 90s promotional video well for this week's WTFriday; I can't help the fact that said well is seemingly bottomless. But to tell the truth, there's also something about the production quality of these promos that amuses me to no end; it's almost as if the multi-million dollar marketing teams I assume they paid to put these things together only had one idea written on a whiteboard in giant letters: "MTV-STYLE EDITING." So I guess it's more than fitting that such a worthless, gimmicky editing technique was applied to a video about the worthless, gimmicky console add-on known as the 32X. Yes, I went there; and I don't think anyone really minds, because the world's only 32X fan is as elusive as Bigfoot himself. But wherever this mysterious creature is, you can bet he has a constant loop of this running in his cave.

    Video after the cut.

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    Posted Feb 13 2009, 12:00 PM by Bob Mackey with | with no comments
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  • NYCC 2009 - Sega <3s Wii

    The Wii was big at New York Comic-Con. While I didn't actually keep count, it seemed like there were more Wii controllers set up at game booths than any other type of controller. Nowhere was this more apparent than at Sega, who always had a huge crowd, put on quite the show, and had exactly four games on display, all of which are Wii-exclusive.

    Here now is our exclusive developer commentary video, featuing Denny Chu for House of the Dead: Overkill, Eric Nofsinger for The Conduit, and Elvin Gee for Sonic & the Black Knight:

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  • Mario and Sonic Coming To Canada

    I guess I'm still a child at heart, because earlier today I was all, “Oh wow, Sonic and Mario are coming to Canada!

    When the Pope or the Queen comes to Canada, it's like, eh, who gives a toss. But fictional video game mascots? I am so honoured.

    I'm also a little sore. Mario and Sonic at the Winter Games (unofficial title) will be taking place in Vancouver, most likely because that's where the 2010 Winter Games will be occurring. Toronto just barely lost the 2008 Summer Games to Beijing, which is where Mario and Sonic first went head-to-head in the kind of foot race we dreamed about as children.

    (According to sales figures, they're still running that foot race on a track paved with dollar bills. Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games remains a top-seller for the Wii.)

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  • Screen Test: Battle Rage



    I miss you, Virtual On. We used to have some good times together. Whenever I see a giant robot blowing up another giant robot, I think of your shimmering façade and the delightful competitions we engaged in, oh so long ago. Do you think of me too, Virtual On? Do you imagine us, twin-sticks in hand, trading shots across sun-drenched battlegrounds, strafing about one another with our hearts on our sleeves? Or have you forgotten our love, drowned beneath a thousand closed arcades and forgotten console ports? When I look at Battle Rage, I think of you, and wonder if I can find comfort in the arms of another.

    *ahem*

    Up until a few hours ago, I had never even heard of Battle Rage. If the screens don’t make it clear, Battle Rage is a Wii game about giant robots beating the crap out of each other. It’s made by Polish studio Destan and it reminds me a lot of Virtual On, almost entirely because of the similarity between the robot in the following shot and Temjin.

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  • Let’s Tap Comes to America, Brings Amazing Theme Song With It



    Yuji Naka would like to remind that you should not, under any circumstances, call it a comeback. He has been here for years, spending his precious hours rocking his peers and putting various suckers in fear. The creator of Sonic the Hedgehog, producer of Nights and Burning Rangers is going to take this itty bitty world by storm. Have no doubt that he is just getting warm.

    Yes, Naka and his new studio Prope (pronounced Pro-pay) are bringing their family-style mini-game collection Let’s Tap to North America. Its wacky little box too. If you haven’t heard of Let’s Tap before, it’s understandable. The game hasn’t gotten too much press since its announcement last September or even after its December release in Japan. Check this trailer for the awesomest theme song in history.

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  • The Conduit: High Voltage’s Refined Take on Gaming Comfort Food



    There are a lot of videogames about shooting mean things from space. Sometimes you’re shooting them in space or on the dreary planet from whence they came. Sometimes you’re shooting them in a recognizable city from our planet. Usually, you are allowed to turn their war tools against them. The mean things from space have three stock forms: the beast, the inhuman bi-ped, and the faceless, armored/exoskeletoned mystery (this last variety also covers robots.) The shooting-things-from-outer-space model is the chicken of game recipes, a flavorless, ubiquitous ingredient that is made spectacular only through delicate flavoring. At first blush, High Voltage’s The Conduit looks like grilled chicken breast: you play as a faceless government agent battling aliens on the streets of Washigton D.C. while also uncovering a massive conspiracy. Heat and serve with garnish, right? It’s hard to shake The Conduit’s inherent familiarity even beyond its premise. The game’s menus, control, and enemy design all recall the Wii’s greatest success in shooting-stuff-in-space field: Metroid Prime 3. But even the simplest dish can become a gourmet masterpiece in the hands of the right chef.

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  • MadWorld: Actually a Pretty Even-Keeled World



    Unlike Bayonetta, Sega were all too happy to let me try out MadWorld yesterday. After a quick tutorial in the controls, I was thrown, for lack of a better phrase, into the deep end of Varrigan City. I walked away from the game thinking three distinct things:

    One: Ultra-detailed black and white games are as cool in practice as they are in theory, but I can see why there aren’t too many of them.

    Two: Platinum Games took Suda 51’s No More Heroes combat model and improved its accuracy and versatility in significant ways.

    Three: MadWorld’s kind of… boring.

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  • Bayonetta: Not As Gratuitous As You Think



    Nah, I’m playing. Bayonetta is totally as gratuitous as you think. Sega came to NYC today and they brought Platinum Games’ Xbox 360/PS3 debut with them. I wasn’t allowed to get my hands on the controller, only a guided playthrough of the game’s first stage, but that was enough to say that Bayonetta’s every bit as over the top as its initial trailer made it out to be. It also looks like a hell of a good time.

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  • Pole’s Big Adventure: Sega Rides the Retro Train, Takes Advantage of You



    A couple of weeks back, Sega Japan launched a countdown website sporting a peculiarly recognizable icon: a pixilated mushroom. Instead of the spotted red or green associated with the company’s one-time rivals, this mushroom was purple with yellow spots. It was an ugly little blighter and fueled all sorts of speculation as to what would be shown at the end of the countdown. An 8-bit style Sonic & Mario platformer where Robotnik has poisoned all the mushrooms! An 8-bit style game where Alexx Kidd and Mario open a day spa and compete for Birdo, Athena, and Dig Dug’s affections!

    Okay. Fair enough. I am the only man who thought Sega might be making either of those games. The 8-bit part was spot on though. The game turned out to be Pole’s Big Adventure, an WiiWare original aping early Famicom games in the spirit of Retro Game Challenge. The funky looking mushroom’s a big hint as to what Pole’s Big Adventure is all about, namely messing with preconceived notions based on Super Mario Bros. You don’t break bricks with your fist, you break them by shooting them, and the same goes for getting treats out of question boxes. Go down a pipe, immediately pop back up covered in… goo? The video isn’t clear on what you’re covered in. And when you do find that mushroom out there, it will make you grow until you die. Pretty clever there, Sega.

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  • The Economy Strikes Again: Layoffs at Sega

    In what seems like the worst time ever for employment in the video games industry--aside from the early 80s crash, of course--the bad news doesn't seem to stop a-comin'. And today is no different; a recent news report just came out of Edge Online stating that 30 employees at Sega of America have been given the axe. Here's what a Sega representative had to say about the downsizing (copied from the Edge's report):

    "Sega of America has grown at pace with the booming videogame industry, but at this time of economic recession, harsh retail landscape, and the reality of business challenges to profitability, we must take steps to reduce our cost structure and ensure long-term success."


    Joystiq's take on the matter was a bit perplexing to me:

    In the future, it would be nice to see Sega invest in the promotion of its more unique titles (Valkyria Chronicles says hello) instead of focusing so intently on that past-his-prime blue hedgehog.

    If you'll allow me to play Devil's Advocate here, producing nothing but Sonic the Hedgehog games would probably be the best course of action for Sega (economically, of course) until we get out of this soul-sucking slump.

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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