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  • Kids' Games too Complicated for Kids



    Since I try as hard as I can to be a well-rounded gamer, I like to experience as many kinds of games as possible. Take Fallout 3, for example; I was once highly allergic to non-linear, Western RPGs, but in the past two weeks I've invested over 50 hours into Bethesda's little masterpiece. And I had the same intentions when I picked up Viva Pinata: Trouble in Paradise--I had no idea if I would like the game, but the endless amounts of praise it received (from adults, mind you) convinced me to buy it at a budget-friendly price. I'm not averse to kiddie games, but I was initially worried that maybe Pinata was going to be a little too simple for my gaming tastes.

    But when I got through the game's all-too-brief tutorial, I could only think one thing: "Children are supposed to understand this?"

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  • Ghostbusters: Slimer Edition to Come with Free Plastic



    What you're looking at right now--courtesy of 1UP.com--are the various plastic trinkets bundled with Amazon.com's Ghostbusters Exclusive Slimer Edition (not pictured: LEGO ripoff figurines of four random ghouls). How much would you pay for a collection of plastic trinkets that could easily find their way into your average McDonald's Happy Meal? 10 dollars? 20 dollars?

    How about 70 dollars?

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  • Vandal Hearts Resurrected, Has Terrible Character Art



    You’d never suspect that, once upon a time, strategy RPGs were a rare and beautiful beast. Twelve years ago, you wouldn’t open a magazine and think, “Ah, yes, I see. This month there are thirteen different Game Boy games coming out from Namco, Square, Inis, Nippon Icchi, and Atlus that will allow me to train tiny warriors to walk across a colorful grid to slaughter evil beasts. Oh, look, there’s six more on Sony’s Playstation and nine more on Sega’s Saturn. Can’t wait to see next month’s haul. I’ll be moving across those grids and having fun until the sun goes out, by gum!” It just didn’t work like that. There were only a few of them. There was Tactic’s Ogre, which was made by Yasumi Matsuno. Then there was Final Fantasy Tactics which was, um, made by Yasumi Matsuno. But then there was Vandal Hearts, a dead ringer for Matsuno’s SRPGs that was, in fact, not made by Matsuno.

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  • The End to Microsoft SpaceBucks?



    We can all agree that digital download marketplaces have been one of the best advancements of this console generation; sure, we sometimes get gauged on horse armor and whatever Namco-Bandai's got up their sleeve, but a lot of this gen's best games would be MIA if they couldn't be bought for a small, download friendly fee. The only problem with this--on XBLA and the Wii's Shopping Channel, anyway--has been the necessity of "points," the fake console currency purchased using real money. In theory, this is a nice way for console manufacturers to enforce one consistent form of exchange throughout many territories, but the fact that both Nintendo and Microsoft make you purchase points in prescribed amounts means that nearly every purchase nets you a tiny remainder of useless change.

    Nintendo may be unapologetic in their use of funny money--the launch of the DSi introduced a new form of currency separate from the points you purchase with your Wii--but Microsoft seems to be taking baby steps with the new XBox Live Arcade store on Amazon.com.

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  • The Four Greatest Videogame/Drug Combinations of All Time (Speaking From Personal Experience)



    The world’s worst fears are true: you need to take drugs to play Grand Theft Auto. The only way to get the most out of your time in Liberty City is to eat ecstasy, let the chemical take hold, and swim in an ocean of thick joy as you wreak impossible acts of havoc on the digital world’s citizens. I’m sorry I’m stealing your car, I need it right now, but I looooove you, man. Just the way it is, I guess. Bold choice, Rockstar! I kid. It was no doubt an unpleasant surprise for Richard Thornhill, a father of two, to open his recently purchased copy of GTA and find four mysterious pills sitting in the game’s case. I can’t imagine the confusion and fear. My god, what have I touched? Is this poison?

    There’s nothing more noisome than someone telling you that drugs of any stripe enhance an experience. Oh man, you can’t listen to Dark Side of the Moon if you aren’t stoned, man. Shut up. You’re a moron. I would, however, be a liar if I said that I haven’t had a marvelous time playing videogames while using illicit substances. Yes, like President Obama, I too inhaled during the heady days of my youth. Amongst other things. Let us take a brief stroll down memory lane. I will be your pharmacological guide across the gaming landscape.

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  • In Defense of the QTE: Ninja Blade



    Now that the man’s winding down his career, let us honor Yu Suzuki for his most important contribution to game design: the QTE. Hey now. I can hear you rolling your eyes. We might be sick of pressing the X button every single time Crystal Dynamics wants Lara Croft to kick a tiger with style, but the quick time event provides us with some of videogames’ most satisfying thrills. They aren’t inherently bad. They’re just implemented very, very poorly. This week, you’ll be able to walk out into the world and pick up a copy of From Software’s Ninja Blade. Hell, you can go home right now and download a demo of Ninja Blade just to have a taste. One level is all you need to exemplify just how good quick time events can be in a game.

    Here’s why.

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  • The 61FPS Review: Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard



    Longtime Simpsons writer George Meyer once stated “Cleverness is the eunuch version of funny.” And Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard is just that: clever, but not funny. The game starts with a promising premise: after a long career with many titles under his belt, titular video game action hero Matt Hazard finds himself unemployed as the result of some poor career decisions. So when an opportunity to revive his popularity arises, Matt jumps on it—without realizing his new starring role is a trap concocted by former Hazard gamer Wallace Wellesley, whose life was ruined by the extreme difficulty of Matt’s games. What follows from this setup is an action game starring an action hero who’s world-weary and well aware of his genre’s tropes; but for as much promise as this idea holds, it’s really just an awkward, toothless, and unfunny framing device for a lousy third-person shooter.

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  • Whatcha Playing: Dead or Alive Xtreme 2

    When I tell you that I am playing Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 I know that the first thing you think of is “there’s only one reason to play that game in 2009.” But it’s not what you think, honest. Yes, it’s an archaic collect-a-thon that was excoriated by the press for a variety of reasons both just and unjust. But the Xtreme series actually does manipulate the player in fascinating ways. Xtreme 2’s failure to appeal also speaks to the failure of some modern gaming conventions, and specifically suggests that maybe Achievements shouldn’t be mandatory on every title under the sun. If we can all disregard the nauseating breast physics for a second (and I understand this is very, very difficult) I’ll try to explain.

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  • Recession Gaming Deals: The 360 Arcade Pack-In

    If you're anything like me, you probably don't have a lot of extra money to spend on entertainment. But the savvy among us know that it's not necessary to spend the standard $59.99 retail price of a new game to have fun. Everything from Steam's weekend deals to console digital download services prove that you don't have to go into debt to waste away a few afternoons. But sometimes, cutting out the middleman isn't always involved in finding amazing gaming deals; cheapskates are often welcome in the wonderful world of brick and mortar retail, as long as no one knows how truly poor we are.

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  • My Name is Joe, and I have a Metagaming Problem.

    I’ve been bouncing around my backlog lately, and it’s become problematic. This is not because of the backlog itself, though I will not lie: my backlog is dark and deep, a German forest in the middle of the night. By the time you get to 2004 you can no longer see sunlight. By the time you get to 1995 there is no way out, your breadcrumb trail having been eaten by PlayStation launch titles. You will be scared and alone, having no choice but to turn to torturing analogies for comfort.

    My point, and I think I have one, is that pulling games out of my archive requires some kind of path, some kind of genre or theme like “games with robots in” or “games by that one developer I like to pretend is my friend”. So I’ve chosen a path.

    It is Achievement Points. And it is ruining everything.

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  • The 61FPS Review: Star Ocean The Last Hope



    Star Ocean 4 is a tragic creature. It’s not a great game, nor can it even see greatness from where it is now. Instead, it feels like it was dragged, kicking and clawing, away from greatness by wicked beasts that feed only on the worst excesses of Japanese pop storytelling.

    So its story is almost unfathomably bad. Here is one Edge Maverick, who goes against what his parents wanted for him by being neither edgy or a maverick. Born on a post-apocalyptic earth, he is but a cog in the government division tasked with finding a new home world for the remainder of humanity. A coincidental calamity sees him promoted to captain of his own ship, with his mission clear: mankind is choking on fallout, so go find a new planet for them. Preferably one without giant man-murdering insects.

    He immediately loses the plot. Long before he finds himself embroiled in a conflict for the fate of the universe, Edge is compiling his ragtag team of horrifying cosplay clichés: there’s a winged girl in there, and an embarrassingly clad catgirl, and at least two different varieties of space elf. He takes this merry band of awfully voice-acted annoyances across a series of nearly non-sequitur adventures, none of which have anything to do with colonizing the galaxy. Perhaps because he has confused being the universe’s most incompetent space captain with being a maverick, he messes up nearly all of these missions, which apparently excuses him to spend hours and hours as a mopey drama queen.

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  • The One Thing Games Should Take From Star Ocean: The Last Hope

     

    Perhaps you recall that one cutscene that was posted here a week ago from Star Ocean: The Last Hope. It was a beastly thing from the darkest depths of the uncanny valley, writhing grotesquely in vibrant 720p. Well, it’s even worse in English—I have embedded that version after the jump, and if you think that I did that because I hate you that is completely fair.

    I’m playing the game for a forthcoming 61FPS Review, and thirty hours in the good news is that so far this wins the battle for the “Worst Cutscene in Star Ocean: The Last Hope Award”. The bad news is that the battle for that award is titanic in scale—this game is packed densely with cutscenes, many of them twenty minutes long., and eventually they all combine into a single Lovecraftian horror of wild gesticulation and ear-wrenching voice acting. The producer of the game recently talked about games surpassing film as a storytelling medium. I hope he was speaking in general terms, because his team sure can’t do it alone.

    I’m off topic. “Make sure your cutscenes are consistent in their ability to cause pain” is not the lesson the industry should take from Star Ocean: The Last Hope. Instead, it’s the elegant way the game lets you skip them.

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  • Pools of Sorrow, Waves of Joy--The Beatles: Rock Band Priced and Dated

    MTV Games and Harmonix have dropped a handful of details on The Beatles: Rock Band, the official name of that Beatles game that was announced last October. Key among those details was the fact that it would be called The Beatles: Rock Band. That certainly doesn’t sound like the “new, full-grown, custom game built from the ground up” that was mentioned back then, but I’ve spent the months since that announcement dreaming of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club RTS so it’s possible that my disappointment is not exactly, um, sane.

    I’ll get my other crazy compliant out of the way now, too: the release is scheduled for 09/09/09, which is cute and all but totally conflicts with the Decade of Dreamcast blowout party I have been planning in my mind since, oh, January 1st 2009. But maybe that is just the ship date and everything will be fine!

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  • Jerking Your Fans Around



    Console exclusivity; to gain sole rights to that singular game with hopes for drawing in the crowds. Game and franchise exclusives have been part of the strategy to gain fan following since the first video game machines began competing. In the early days, consoles had pretty distinct catalogs. It was easy to determine what games would appear on what systems and pick where to spend your dollars. These days almost everything not developed by a first or second party is cross platform (for the moment, we will be ignoring the Wii which plays by its own rules). However, don't think for a moment that exclusivity is a thing of the past, it has merely evolved into a new, sinister form.

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  • Virtual-On and On: Oratorio Tangram Resurrected on Xbox Live Arcade



    I’m not sure that the videogame fan’s fetish for promotional and limited edition hardware is much of a problem. Most people just love having stuff. Some folks are into shoes. I’m not talking about people who hang out at Footlocker waiting for a fresh shipment of Lebron Signatures. I mean there’s a whole freaky subculture of people who collect and buy custom made sneakers designed by graffiti artists. They spend thousands of dollars on pairs of sneakers. Sneakers they already have. Those sneakers look different than their other sneakers. The things you learn watching Entourage, I tell you…

    The gamer’s most disturbing predilection is his unceasing devotion to brand. Nothing gets our blood going like the latest sequel, remake, or re-release. It isn’t just nostalgia, that ready scapegoat for franchise excitement. The iterative nature of game design (and business) has simply made us gluttons for the familiar. We are addicts for the names we know being followed by ever increasing numerals and for the inevitable resurrection of classic milieus.

    I’m feeling particularly guilty about it today. When it came out last night that Sega’s Virtual-On Oratorio Tangram was getting re-released on Xbox Live Arcade I damn near wet my pants. I’m a sucker, what can I say.

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  • Up All Night: X-Blades and the D-List Preservation Society



    “We need new pornos!” – “Spaghetti Western” by Primus

    Les Claypool was right. We do need new pornos. We need new trashy entertainment that borders on the pornographic. It’s essential. No, seriously. Come back. For all my highfalutin talk about the creative potency of games, I relish those games that might be a little base. A little crass. Sometimes, those games are terrible. That’s a good thing.

    I’ve been suffering a weird fascination with Gaijin Games’ X-Blades ever since it first popped up on Kotaku way back in November 2007, when it went by the name Oniblade. Its origins got me curious. There are hundreds of games out there that, even if you’re a rabid fanboy or a member of the press, you’ll never hear about. Korean MMOs, unlicensed Brazilian Genesis games, and, yes, weird action games from the Eastern Block; it’s impossible to follow everything. There’s just too much. So when something like X-Blades, some Russian paean to Japanese action games, pops its head far enough out of the ground you take notice. Especially when it’s coming out for consoles notorious for exorbitant development costs and marketing budgets.

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  • This is the Reason Why Gamers Aren't Taken Seriously



    Did this image excite you? Well you're the reason why gamers lack cultural legitimacy. 

    Just joking. There are many more reasons why gamers are looked down on, but our fetishization of collectables, skins, and assorted promotional hardware is one thing that sets us apart. Who cares about the color of a console?

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  • Where Is SSX?

    Let me ask you a question, EA Canada: must it all be so gosh darned realistic these days? I’ve played Skate and Skate 2. Cool games. Cool games that helpfully reinforce, digitally, that my brain is not ready to take up skateboarding. The sheer amount of things I need to take into consideration whilst performing a simple trick in Skate terrifies me. If I tried to do this in real life, and I had to think about all the different things I was asking of my body, a plank of wood, some wheels, and gravity, I would experience complete ego disintegration right before rupturing my testicles on a railing in some public park. Why oh why can’t you take me back to the good ol’ days of extreme-with-a-capital-TREME sports, EA Canada. Why can we not head back to the mountain for some good times with a new SSX, the awesomest fake snowboarding game of all time?

    SSX 4 showed up on a few release lists back at the end of 2006, right around the time that the Xbox 360 was ending its first year and just before the release of the Playstation 3. These were the systems said to be home for such a wonderful sequel. Alas, that game was never ever officially announced and has failed to materialize since. A sort of remix of SSX 3, SSX: Blur, came out for Wii in March 2007 and it remains the single most frustrating game I have played in my entire life.

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  • Rite of Spring: Flower and What’s Lacking in the Romantic Games Movement



    Last week was full of everything you want out of a vacation: a change of setting from urban sprawl to glorious mountain range, rancid air exchanged for clean winter wind, great food, better scotch, and the best company. Of course, there was also a smorgasbord of great portable games. Retro Game Challenge, Atlus’ under-the-radar curiosity My World, My Way, and Kirby Super Star Ultra made for marvelous palette cleansers, washing away the last traces of Epic Holiday Gaming morsels still stuck between my gaming teeth. It was restful, brief, and rejuvenating. When I returned, I knew that it was going to be time for 2009 hardcore gaming to go into high gear what with Street Fighter IV and a Killzone 2 demo waiting, but the first thing I had to spend some time with was Flower. As soon as it had finished installing, well, it felt like my vacation had just gotten an extension.

    The game is exhilarating. Having grown up in rural upstate New York, the contrast of Flower’s city-bound preludes and its soaring bucolic playgrounds pulls at very specific heartstrings in me. The game is brief but I’m no less taken with it. Jenova Chen and ThatGameCompany are damn good at eliciting just this sort of emotional response with their games. Their debut Cloud was rich with the same bittersweet catharsis that characterizes Flower. Both are something like the game equivalent of a symphonic poem, their fluid flight-based gameplay replacing music as the visceral informant of a visual/audio narrative. They’re games unified in subject too; Cloud and Flower chronicle escapes to a pure, natural world from metropolitan confinement. They are concerned with beauty and simplicity.

    I wouldn’t say that Chen and TGC started it, but they’re certainly poster children for what appears to be a burgeoning romantic movement in game design.

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  • The Console Wars Made Adorable

    Everyone gets embroiled in a console war once in a while. We have some kind of inborn instinct that causes us to rush to the defence of our beloved consoles as if they were a damsel cornered by a dragon. It's interesting to wonder what system-associated developers like Miyamoto think about such behaviour. “What, do you people have deep-rooted problems revolving around peer approval or something?”

    When you think about how silly the console wars ultimately are, you really do have to duck your head in shame for participating (shortly before you go back and do it all over again). Or, sometimes, you might receive another reminder of how easily we can all get along if we just try. For instance, through an art project.



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  • Whatcha Playing: Far Cry 2

     

    I know, I know. This is a week of enormous wallet-destroying power, and I should probably be playing Street Fighter IV or something. I’m saving myself for tonight’s release of Noby Noby Boy, actually, but in the meantime I’ll be enjoying something a little bit more mainstream. Surely you won’t deny me the pleasure.

    And besides, Far Cry 2 is about the best the industry is currently offering to the typical testosterone-filled gaming male at the moment. It’s a confident and meticulously designed work that is happy to eschew the status quo for a better way. Here’s why I think Far Cry 2 is the future of the shooter.*

    *: Note that I am talking about the single player elements of first-person shooters only. The internet would have you believe that most people play their shooters online these days. This is a lie. The internet is where people play online shooters, so it’s not exactly an unbiased sample.

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  • Ghostbusters: There Are No Words For How Good Bustin' Makes Me Feel



    Guest contributor Adam Rosenberg resides in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, where he slaves away daily as a contributing editor for UGO’s Gamesblog as his dog Loki looks on in bewilderment. In addition to the noble pursuit of video games, Adam enjoys spending time with fine film, finer food and his fine fiancée Bekah.

    I haven’t seen shit that will turn you white. The shit I have seen, namely a fresh build of Ghostbusters: The Video Game for Xbox 360 and PS3, will make you green. With slime. And envy.

    Last summer, a preview build featuring a portion of the widely seen New York Public Library level made the gaming press rounds. The unfinished code appeared out of thin air, its sender listed only as “Evil PR Monkey”. The demo was raw. Very raw. But not so raw as to diminish Ghostbusters’s promise. There were Ray Stantz, Egon Spengler and Winston Zeddmore (noVenkman in the demo), fully voiced by Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson. Aykroyd and Ramis’ script, even just that tiny chunk, was characterized by the same wit that made the original films such classics. Then a few weeks later, Activision announced that, following their merger with Vivendi, they would not be hanging onto the Ghostbusters license.

    News on the game since, even following Atari’s confirmation that they would be publishing Ghostbusters in June 2009, has been disturbingly light. No more of the actual game has been shown since that messy preview code. Until last week. While I didn’t actually get to go hands-on with it, I did get an eyes-on playthrough of the remainder of that library level. And now… well… I ain’t afraid of no Ghostbusters.

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  • Fez May Finally Be More Than a Totally Sweet Demo



    For awhile there back in 2007, it was looking like blending 2D and 3D in a single game was going to be a bonafide trend. Super Paper Mario was the highest profile experiment in dimensional puzzle solving, but it was Zoe Mode’s overlooked Crush that really demonstrated the lasting potential of the new genre. Shifting the levels between sidescrolling, overhead 2D, and full 3D made for some inspired level design and hair-pullingly difficult puzzles. When the Independent Games Festival rolled around at the beginning of 2008, it looked like the 2D-3D mash-up was finally going to have its masterpiece in Polytron’s Fez. Fez mixed the same sort environment manipulation from Crush with deliciously retro graphics and sound. It looked awesome. Then it disappeared. I was sad.

    Gaming gods be praised! Fez has re-emerged, like a glorious sleepy groundhog signalling an early spring of sunshine and raw joy!

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  • The Five Characters You Won’t See in Street Fighter IV

    Written by Cyriaque Lamar

    On February 17th, a numerical Street Fighter sequel will come out in America for the first time in ten years. In an act of unprecedented video game democracy, the good folks at Capcom allowed fans to vote for the characters that would appear in the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 versions. Their shortlist included such perennial favorites as the panties-flashing Sakura and the leotard-clad M16 agent Cammy. As in the 2008 presidential election, sex appeal commanded the polls.

    But what about those fighters who didn’t make the cut? Join me as I take a look at Street Fighter’s lesser-known pugilists and postulate why these lovable losers didn’t earn a silky-smooth 3D sheen.

    Rolento

    Who?
    Rolento debuted as a boss in the 1989 arcade beat-em-up Final Fight. As a boss character, he was entitled to certain amenities players were not, such as a baton, incendiaries, and a subscription to the Ginsu-Of-The-Month Club. When he turned up in 1996’s Street Fighter Alpha 2, he returned with all of his thwacking, exploding, and stabbing habits intact.

    Why He Should Have Been in SFIV
    Rolento is an absolute hoot to play. For a game full of high-flying karate-men, it’s surprising that the most agile character is the guy with grenades strapped to his pectorals. Rolento’s moves include a wide array of flips, rolls, and the ability to use his baton as a pogo stick. Playing him is like playing a paramilitary spider monkey. Furthermore, his backstory is hilariously bad even by Street Fighter standards. As he puts it, Rolento aims to create a militaristic new world order free of “panty-waist politicking”.


    Revolutionary rhetoric.



    Why He Isn’t
    We suspect his absence has something to do with all those unfair knives, grenades, and super moves involving trip wires and impaling opponents with crane hooks. The moment you bring a goddamn crane to fisticuffs is the moment you’ve left the realm of “street fighting” and gone headlong into “demolition derby” territory.

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  • Trailer Review: Demon’s Souls



    From Software, you guys got some weird in your blood. Who in the hell makes console exclusives these days? Not only that, who in the hell makes exclusives for every console on the market? And who in the hell makes console exclusives that are spiritual successors to cult hits that were console exclusives in the previous generation? You guys, whew, you guys are nutty. You’re nutty nut bars and I love it.

    It’s a big month for From Software. Just last week in Japan, they released Ninja Blade on Xbox 360. Ninja Blade is a third-person action game that is a modernization, in both tone and technology, of their Xbox-only franchise Otogi. Today, they released Demon’s Souls in the land of the rising sun. Demon’s Souls is the Playstation 3 version of From’s PS2 oddity King’s Field, a series of distinctly western RPGs full of the dungeon crawling and character customization Elder Scrolls fans go ga-ga over.

    As you can see from this trailer, Demon’s Souls is a real odd duck.

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  • WAKA, WAKA: Pac-Man Championship Made Old School-er



    I was a little sad last month when putting together my closing-yet-incomplete thoughts on the games of 2008. During those twelve glorious months, the majority of the games I played to completion were from 2007. (The way 2009’s going at this point, it looks like this year’s going to be just the same.) So when I was thinking of the games that sparked my brain the most last year, some were sadly excluded from mention. My game of the year for 2007 and probably the game I played the most in 2008? Pac-Man Championship Edition.

    No, seriously. That game is pure. Its rules are perfect. Its challenge increases seamlessly along with your skill. Its presentation is a quiet symphony of graphical polish and dynamic sound that encourages as much focus in a player as it does tension. It’s iconic but it’s also a legitimate sequel, improving on one of videogames’ most fundamental forms of play without relying heavily on nostalgia as a hook. It’s better than Pac-Man and it’s better than Ms. Pac-Man.

    Crap, I’m tearing up just thinking about it!

    Siliconera posted up this NES-styled mock up of Pac-Man Championship Edition and it really emphasizes how vital the widescreen format is in making PMCE a sequel that enhances Pac-Man fundamentals.

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  • Whatcha Playing: Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (Again)

    I have a small stable of games I love returning to once in a while, and Castlevania: Symphony of the Night is among them. I own the original Playstation version (the actual original: it lacks the flu-snot green bar that labels it a best-selling re-release) and the emulation that was packed with the PSP's Dracula X Chronicles. I've finished both multiple times, but I decided that wasn't enough, so I downloaded the game once more on XBLA. Having lost my original Playstation at the bottom our sock drawer something like five years ago, it's nice to play Symphony of the Night on a large screen once more. It'd be nice if the Achievements weren't lame, but eh, if wishes were horses, and all that.

    Symphony of the Night is still firmly in the top quality tier of the Castlevania hierarchy, but aging gamers draw in vital nutrients through message board fights about whether or not an esteemed game still deserves its lofty status. Over the past handful of years, Symphony of the Night has ignited similar arguments. Is the game as brilliant as we remember it? Was the Inverted Castle a stroke of game design genius or a cheap trick to extend gameplay?

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  • At Least Batman: Arkham Asylum's Story Will Be Good



    It’s been pretty disheartening to see so many people losing their game industry jobs these past few months. First and foremost, it’s terrible to see thousands of talented people out of work. It’s also tragic to see so many games get cancelled. I’m still upset that Free Radical’s Star Wars Battlefront 3 will never come out. That game looked unbelievable. That’s not always the case with cancelled games though. For example, I think the world’s a better place now that Pandemic’s The Dark Knight tie-in won’t clog up shelves across the land. From the sounds of it, that game was troubled with a capital OUBLED. It’s cancellation also means that Rocksteady Games’ original Batman game, Arkham Asylum, will have a much better chance of getting noticed by the millions upon millions of people obsessed with Bruce Wayne and Joker.

    This new trailer doesn’t have any play in it, so it’s pretty useless for giving an impression of Arkham Asylum as a game. What it does have is plenty of story. Competently written and awesomely voiced story.

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  • Bayonetta: Not As Gratuitous As You Think



    Nah, I’m playing. Bayonetta is totally as gratuitous as you think. Sega came to NYC today and they brought Platinum Games’ Xbox 360/PS3 debut with them. I wasn’t allowed to get my hands on the controller, only a guided playthrough of the game’s first stage, but that was enough to say that Bayonetta’s every bit as over the top as its initial trailer made it out to be. It also looks like a hell of a good time.

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  • Final Fantasy IV the After: Will America Land on the Moon?

    Do you like the moon? Of course you do. You've wanted to visit the moon since you were a child. You want to gorge on its green cheese. Don't contradict me.

    Final Fantasy IV catered to childhood dreams by sending Cecil--and you!--on an adventure that climaxed in the core of the moon. When the world-consuming evil was put back to bed, Cecil had a climax of his own (sorry) and fathered a son with Rosa. “Ceodore” had his own adventure, known as Final Fantasy IV the After: Return of the Moon. But whereas his father was grand enough for the SNES, the DS, the GBA, the Wonderswan, the Playstation and God knows what else, Ceodore got a pat on the head and was sent off to wave his sword and make heroic declarations on cell phones across Japan.

    But as the moon's phases change, so too does Ceodore's fate. Maybe.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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