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What Is The Deal With Neve Campbell's Breasts?

Posted by Brian Fairbanks


Seriously, maybe it is because I, Scanner Brian, am a male person, but I cannot quite wrap my ignorant head around these photos of Neve Campbell topless, at long last, in the new movie "I Really Hate My Job."

All we can say is: Now we understand why she didn't want to take off her top in "Wild Things." We thought it was because of that whole "Party of Five" do-gooder, non-Britney Spears kind of image she set for herself as an actress, but it turns out she may have just thought that her breasts would not be applauded by Hollywood. Who cares? She shouldn't worry-- if they're real, they're better than any of the 98 different versions we've seen of Pam Anderson's...

So, um, are those actually normal breasts? We're kidding-- the problem here is that we spend our days enjoying endless boob parades, featuring breasts that are almost always doctored, pert, and ready for primetime (porn) in some way. This could explain why, when faced with these photographs, we may react with a disturbed cry of terror. PS: Part of the problem with these pics is not the breasts-- it's that her head appears to be superimposed on someone else's body-- the photo just has that look about it. Wanna bet these are fake?

More on this unnatural disaster, via the Sun.



Emily Farris said:

Most real girls' boobs are lopsided, dude.

April 25, 2008 5:40 PM

mam said:

People are so used to boob jobs that they can't handle the real thing. What a shame! It makes it hard for the regular gal to measure up.

April 25, 2008 6:23 PM

porkchips said:

lopsided is one thing. those are deflated footballs.

April 25, 2008 7:04 PM

flexibull said:

Haven't any of you ever seen inverted nipples before? Jeez louise. Maybe they're not perfect, but they're not deformed for chrissake.

April 25, 2008 8:26 PM

Jen Lollipop said:

theyre not that bad. ive seen much worse.

April 25, 2008 8:39 PM

meganco said:

Brian, I've seen plenty of normal titties, and I'm on your side with the wtf factor here.  Did they run a stripe of crappily blended makeup down her cleavage to accentuate it?  I'm thinking yes, which would help explicate the situation.

April 25, 2008 9:28 PM

ulltravylette said:

I really wish there were more penises on display in movies  so we could analyze size, shape, etc.. like we do with women's breast.

April 25, 2008 10:38 PM

hotformathletes said:

Hooksexup is no place for petty judgments about the way people look naked. This is a site about <i>everyone</i> getting laid.

April 25, 2008 11:32 PM

SkyPork said:

Okay, come on now!  Those boobs are great!  The lighting is a bit weird, and she's not in a pornorific pose; maybe that's everyone's issue.  If she iced her nipples and arched her back, she'd look amazing, believe me.

April 26, 2008 12:17 AM

Monique said:

I've been coming to Hooksexup for years now and I used to appreciate that all kinds of women were appreciated in all their sexy shapes and sizes. Not everyone's idea of beauty is a size 0 and has double D tits with platinum blond hair and Brazilian bikini wax. How disappointing that Hooksexup is starting to sound like so many others and holding up women to impossible standards.

April 26, 2008 12:56 AM

jay said:

Any standard is "impossible" when applied to someone who does not naturally have a body type that conforms to it.  Should we just stop having preferences?

And we do not need to see more penises in movies.  At least until a comparable number of vulvas appear onscreen.

April 26, 2008 5:14 AM

yocat said:

Dang Monique... I gotta agree with you... AGAIN! What the hell...

Damn and nothing's wrong with her boobs, she just looks like a real human being! But yeah we know what kinda women Brian prefers obviously, so I'm not that surprised... it's kinda a shame though.

April 26, 2008 5:39 AM

nicolette63 said:

Yeah, this post is not cool.  She is attractive and nitpicking body parts is not the way to make a women or women in general feel sexy.  

April 26, 2008 7:30 AM

Wrongo said:

They're perfect becasuse they are real.  Much better than softball sized and feel fake boobs.

April 26, 2008 10:03 AM

The Dreaded Rhubarb said:

Breasts are not my area of expertise but even I know that that's what you'd expect the breasts of a 30 something women to look like, if she's worked out and maintained low body fat all her life and not had surgery. I agree that whoever did the body makeup did a really bad job.

April 26, 2008 11:12 AM

token said:

Hahah.... There was a movie with Steve Martin and Sarah Jessica Parker [LA Story?..I can't quite remember...]  Where, offscreen, Steve asks Sarah 'What's the matter with your breasts?

After a beat, Sarah replies "They're real...".

Leave Neve alone...even if her breasts aren't perfect, the overall average of her parts is 'pretty great"....

April 26, 2008 11:13 AM

stephenlynn said:

Yes she has inverted nipples, which are kinda cute.  Also, it looks like she's had a breast reduction.  Remember she was a ballet dancer much of her life--breasts are not appreciated in the ballet world.  If you have breasts and you want to be a dancer, you either strap them down like a drag king or cut them off.  

Besides, most skinny women who actually have real boobs have deflated looking boobs.  That's why they all get boob jobs.

I think she looks pretty good.  She has the breasts of an athletic thirty-something who has taken good care of her body.  The film still doesn't look like it's from some teen comedy, so if you find her breasts disturbing you should give that movie a miss and go jack off to your Girls Gone Wild videos instead.

April 26, 2008 1:28 PM

Steph Dee said:

I totally agree with Monique.

If you can't handle real boobs, that's really your problem but keep it to yourself. Don't girls have enough image problems without random weirdo bloggers being like "OMG CHECK OUT THESEEEEEEEEEEEEE" and there's nothing wrong with them.

April 26, 2008 1:49 PM

blondage said:

so sad... this website, and especially this column, which used to be my favorite, has been on a steady spiral downwards for the past year or two. Clearly the person writing this hasn't seen enough real breasts (not airbrushed, photoshopped or surgically enhanced) in real life (not on the interweb or a in a porn mag) to know what a real woman looks like. And it's pretty clear why...

April 26, 2008 1:59 PM

rachel said:

i used to read scanner religiously. now i might check it out once a week or so and end up longing for sarah.  the majority of brian fairbanks posts just annoy the crap out of me. bad political commentary or unintelligent, narrowminded fhm/maxim level posts.

these are pretty good real breasts in my opinion. in my experience most women with real breasts look different from what is starting to be the "norm" based on the prevelence of boob jobs and padded bras. which is just sad because the feel of real breasts is so much better. beauty is so much more than a set of fake tits and a cheesy underwear spread in a boys mag.

April 26, 2008 4:11 PM

Lee said:

Yeah, this post depresses the hell out of me. Her breasts look totally normal to me--I actually like it more than a lot of the mainstreamish porn candy that's gotten posted here more and more. Call me crazy, but I find images of women who are NOT preening and arching and pouting, who instead appear to be independent and natural and naked, to be much more of a turn on.

Can we not call breasts like this "deflated", please? That's a perfectly normal breast shape, fullness, etc. Why criticize the real body instead of, perhaps, calling strangely balloonish breast implants "inflated"? These just look like breasts that don't exist for your arousal, which, again--crazy me!--seems to be a lot sexier.

April 26, 2008 9:36 PM

vivazoya said:

Hello.  This is why I started reading Hooksexup 3 years ago - I enjoy the REAL women and men, not fakey pumped up and airbrushed.  Go back to your cave, Brian.

April 27, 2008 1:22 AM

Jeffrey said:

I think it's quite funny that you link to the article in the Sun which actually says "hey, she looks stunning."

It's sad when a sensationalist gossip magazine is more about real looking women. Scanner just isn't what it used to be.

April 27, 2008 12:53 PM

r said:

is it just me or has this post been altered (with more of a positive spin?) since receiving negative feedback?

April 27, 2008 3:25 PM

J. said:

Yes, you would be correct. The post was altered significantly since he was lambasted for being a tool.

April 27, 2008 6:27 PM

vix_en25 said:

the boobs look ok, it's her hair that could be better. i suppose you would prefer a woman who looks like she had two balloons strapped on to her chest.

April 27, 2008 6:28 PM

lamenteuse said:

I applaud Neve Campbell for keeping what Nature gave her, and I'm sure she looks fantastic in real life, but to be totally honest, something does not look right about this photo. Surgically altered or not, the breasts in this picture seem like they have been airbrushed, touched up with makeup - something! - because they still look unnatural. I highly doubt that they are that smooth and symmetrical off camera...or that the skin below her neck would "naturally" be a shade darker than the skin above. Consequently, I originally agreed with the main theme of this post: that something is up with Neve Campbell's breasts in this picture.  

I also agree with the comments that say that this post (in any of its prior incarnations) had some unsavory connotations, but I don't think it's fair to a) assume with certainty the intentions of the author; and b) make attacks on the author's character based on a 100-word blog post (especially one that makes, more or less, the same type of banal snap judgment that appears on most other celebrity gossip blogs). The post never said that the author was looking for a 36DDD rack or that Neve Campbell had ugly breasts - just that her breasts don't satisfy the typical Hollywood pre-requisites for going topless.

What's most upsetting for me about this post is that it has proven that modern media simply refuses to show truly natural women. The day we see a stretch-mark on a breast will be the day we see cellulite on a thigh...

April 27, 2008 11:09 PM

Lee said:


you're right about the post that appears now--however, that more positive spin was added after these negative reactions.

Just sayin'.

April 28, 2008 5:30 AM

spjv840 said:

they're certainly a lot better than denise richard's ugly boobs. i thought Hooksexup was cool.

April 28, 2008 9:00 AM

Bryan Christian said:

yeah, i'm with everyone else on this one. not cool.

April 28, 2008 10:21 AM

Liz said:

Thanks Scanner for adding another complaint on my long list of irritants about my body.  The media bring us down, and those who critique it are now bringing us down further.  Laudable, Brian Fairbanks.

April 28, 2008 8:52 PM

David said:

I miss Sarah too. And Ada.

April 29, 2008 3:46 PM

Em said:

I miss Sarah and Ada too.

This blog is just one disappointment after another. I keep coming back because either a) it's like a traffic accident or b) I believe in the redemption of souls.

I think I just need to take it off my Bookmarks and get over it. Breaking up is hard to do.

April 30, 2008 11:50 AM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.


about the blogger

Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

Colleen Kane has been an editor at BUST and Playgirl magazines and has written for the endangered species of dead-tree magazines like SPIN and Plenty, as well as Radar Online and other websites. She lives in exile in Baton Rouge with her fiance, two dogs, and her former cat. Read her personal blogs at

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