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Sloppy Seconds: Chris Brown's Mystery Woman Revealed

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

Hillary Clinton told everyone about falling in love with Bill Clinton. Of course, they only want to hear about how she fell out of love with Bill Clinton.

By the way, where did Rielle Hunter get the name Frances Bean from?

Young women mistakenly think men want potential female partners to drink them under the table. Got that?

Is the future of the conservative movement this woman? Whatever it is, we're getting tired of hearing that its next round of leaders are all women. After all, every one of them turns out to be a porn star (Stormy Daniels, Sarah Palin, and this Russian woman-- just check out that tiny photo near the top.)

Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley will battle for the love of Dylan Thomas in a new film. Winner, no matter what the historical evidence: Knightley. 

A guy claims he successfully shipped himself from NYC to Vegas. We'd almost care except... he's a magician.

It always surprises us to see people driving along without a care in the world when their cars are wobbling violently from a flat tire. Turns out, they're probably wasted.

Why has it taken Congress so long to do anything to protect whistleblowers? What year did the Pentagon Papers come out again?

And the other woman in the Chris Brown-Rihanna story is revealed to be... his manager. (He may have had an affair with her at 16, Rihanna may have hit first, and a million other drops of bullshit that don't change the fact that he needs prison time.)

 

Related:

Teacher In Lesbian Sex Scandal Story Not Helping...

Woman Leads Cops Right to Her Liaison with Previous Victim

The UK Babies Having Babies Plot Thickens

Keira Knightley's Latest Nude Scene Kinda Puts Us To Sleep

Germany's Biggest Sex Scandal Comes To A Stunning Conclusion


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

GeeBee said:

I am sick of Keira Knightley and her insipid performances.

March 11, 2009 8:37 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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about the blogger

Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

Colleen Kane has been an editor at BUST and Playgirl magazines and has written for the endangered species of dead-tree magazines like SPIN and Plenty, as well as Radar Online and other websites. She lives in exile in Baton Rouge with her fiance, two dogs, and her former cat. Read her personal blogs at ColleenKane.com.

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