When the Hipster Grifter, Kari Ferrell, popped up on Scanner today we thought she looked familiar. And we thought, "I want to give you a handjob with my mouth" sounded way too familiar. Then we remembered that our friend had posted a Craigslist ad looking for a date to the Langhorne Slim concert a few weeks ago and an Asian girl with chest tattoos had responded to it and used that exact line. We opened up the email (that he had forwarded us, because we always forward each other our online dating prospects) to compare the tats. And we were right.
Full text of the email after the jump.
From: Korean Abdul-Jabbar <[email protected]>
Date: March 31, 2009 5:40:57 AM EDT
To: [email protected]
Subject: I can fight like the devil, or do what I'm told.
Hello,
I haphazardly stumbled upon your ad on Craigslist, and decided to charm you--with my undeniable wit and good looks (see: roofies)--into taking me to the Langhorne Slim show this Friday evenin'. Now, I realize that you have several candidates to choose from and that is why I compiled this nice list as to why I am "The One".
1.) I can solve complex math equations, harpoon a whale, reference obscure movies/books/songs/bible passages/pornos/wrestlers/Christmas specials, and shoot a potato gun all while simultaneously singing the theme songs from nationally syndicated television programs of the late 70's and early 80's. If that doesn't convince you to take me, I don't know what will, but just in case I'll continue...
2.) I commonly say things like, "I want to give you a hand job with my mouth."
3.) I graduated with my degree in Music Theory, Composition, and Production--and minored in Physics. I don't know what I'm trying to tell you, besides that I like useless degrees. Impressed?
4.) I appreciate all genres of music. I know everyone says that, and sure, maybe some of them even mean it--but I DOUBLE MEAN IT (???). Examples: Bonnie 'P' Billy, Mono, Owen, The Books, Curtis Mayfield, The Gap Band, The Zombies, Glenn Miller Band, Russian Circles, Kashiwa Daisuke, The Magnetic Fields, Sunn O))), Botch, Benny Goodman, Murs, Boris, The Hood Internet, Phosphorescent, Muddy Waters, Akron/Family, Refused, Schubert, and on and on and on.
5.) CLAP HANDS.
6.) I moved here about eight months ago, and though I know many wonderful people, have been feeling a bit homesick lately. One of my favourite memories of times too-long-past is dancing in my friend's kitchen to Langhorne's "Checking Out" with everyone I have ever loved.
7.) Even if you have promised the ticket to someone else, I'll still go to the show with another friend, or by myself. Meaning, I am not emailing you just to get an in to the show--though I guess that IS sort of what your post insinuated people do...
8.) I have boobs. [Ed Note: here they are]
Okay, there you have it. The rest is up to you, my friend.
Love,
Kari
Related: