Sex Advice From Young Filmmakers

By Jon Blistein

Josie, 23

www.vimeo.com/beastkid

What has being a director taught you about sex?
Someone needs to be in charge, and someone needs to have a vision. Otherwise, the whole thing turns into a sloppy mess.

I'm trying to plan a romantic night with my girlfriend. I'm a pretty laid-back guy, not really into candlelight, but I want her to know it's special. What can I do to set the mood?
One thing I've learned in film is that catering is very important — everyone is happier when there’s good food.

What's the greatest sex scene in any movie?
The scene in Ice Storm when fourteen-year-old Christina Ricci, in rainbow toe socks, seduces the neighbor’s young son in his parents' bed. Nothing is sexier than the loss of innocence.

My boyfriend and I just graduated college and he's been asking me to move in with him. We just started dating a few months ago, but I need a place to live. I know conventional wisdom says wait, but I want to go for it. Is that a mistake?
If you live in New York, it's never a mistake to pay less rent. Move in with him and use your savings to buy enough booze and drugs so you don't get sick of each other. 

When my girlfriend and I are having sex, I'm always afraid I'm going to do or say something that will kill the mood. This makes me really tense, and everything goes downhill. How can I relax and just enjoy myself?
Try figuring out ways to think less in general. Watching reality TV is good practice.

Sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex, he can get a little over-excited, making it an uncomfortable experience for me. How can I bring him back to earth without making him feel bad or killing the mood?
Sneeze, cough, queef, fart, or cry — all non-sexual body functions sort of bring you back to the fact that you’re just bags of flesh bumping into each other. Crying will definitely bring the mood down a notch.  

My boyfriend is bisexual and recently has been interested in bringing home another man. This violates my idea of monogamy, but I also worry that this is an itch I can't scratch, so to speak. Should I just go for it?
The whole point of monogamy is to have itches you can't scratch. Unfulfilled sexual urges are the trade-off for stable love. If the idea turns you on, go for it. Otherwise try watching bi porn together. 

I love it when my girlfriend goes down on me and she's really great at it. The only problem is she seems very insecure and always worries that I'm not into it. I'm starting to wonder if the truth is that she just hates it. How I can convince her to be more confident in her skills?
Maybe you're not very good at showing your appreciation. Try being more vocal: breathing, sighs, and compliments show you're clearly enjoying yourself. When in doubt, reciprocate. It sends the clearest thank-you message. 

What's the best way to ask my boyfriend to use my vibrator in bed?
Say, "The props department put this here for our scene," with a mischievous smile. If he's cool, he'll just go with it.

For the past few weeks I've wanted to ask out this girl at work, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to try and date a co-worker. Should I put my fears aside and go for it?
This can only end badly. Either things will go south and your work situation will get tense and awkward, or you'll wind up in love, together 24/7, with no escape from each other and your relationship will suffer.  On the other hand, sex is better than money, so if you’re not that crazy about your job, go for it.