Grandma Carmela Answers Your Sex And Dating Questions
If you're not sure what an orgasm feels like, we found an eighty-six-year-old grandmother to explain it to you.
A little while back, we ran a letter full of unfiltered advice about sex and dating, sent to Alison DeNisco by her eighty-six-year-old Grandma Carmela. Response was enthusiastic, to say the least. But we thought you might have some sex and dating problems that weren't addressed in the letter. So here are your sex and dating questions, answered by Grandma Carmela, with commentary by Alison. Try these on your own grandparents with caution.
Could you please give us your answer on the age-old question, "How do I have an orgasm, and how can I tell I'm actually having one?"
Grandma: Your body explodes, vaginally and clitorally, and you fall asleep afterwards. If you're attracted to your boyfriend it is a natural thing. You can try the top position. There has to be communication — tell him where you like to be touched and kissed.
Alison: I think Grandma said it all — and also, get to know your body and don't be afraid of it.
Do you believe in love at first sight or is it always just infatuation?
Grandma: Yes, yes, yes. I believe in it. You are a lucky man. It is usually "true love." You know immediately that she was meant for you, without ever touching her. Don't throw this away. You're blessed — soul mates are forever.
Alison: I'm not sure why we're assuming this is a man, Grandma, but okay. I have yet to experience infatuation at first sight that actually turns into love, but my parents claim that's how it went for them, so I'm willing to believe.
I'm in a great relationship right now — I've been with my girlfriend for five years. But I'm worried that things are too serious for how young we are. I feel like I'm being rushed into my thirties and a commitment I'm not ready for. I just wish I'd met her three years from now. I don't know what to do — I feel my twenties slipping away and I'm afraid I'm not making the most of them. Any words of wisdom?
Grandma: Your girlfriend wants a commitment after five years of dating? She is right to expect one. You are afraid of commitment, but you are not afraid of using her for sex. I think you feel you have not finished sowing your wild oats. Separate. Date others. This will help you decide if you want to commit totally, or just like the steady sex. I would advise your girlfriend to move on. You don't want the relationship to go further than sex only. Get lost!
Alison: Grandma is making some unfair assumptions here — I'm sure you aren't using your girlfriend of five years for sex (and if you are, well, what Grandma said). Is she asking for a commitment, or is it possible she feels as unsure as you do? You should talk about it, and see how she's feeling. If you're on the same page, it might not hurt to take a break, and see other people (though if she does want the commitment, this could potentially ruin things with her). You don't want to end up resenting her because you feel like you haven't experienced enough — though you should also keep in mind that the late-twenties single life may not be as great as you're expecting.
I've been courting a girl for months now. We spend a lot of time together, and we like each other, but she always tells me she's not ready to date. Do I tough it out and wait until she's ready, or is she leading me on?
Grandma: It seems strange — girls today want a boyfriend so badly, and she's not ready to date? If she were into you, she'd want to sleep with you. Move on — she's wasting your time. Find someone who enjoys your company and wants to be with you.
Alison: Unless she has a very good reason for not being ready, she's leading you on. Why wouldn't you want to date someone who you like and spend lots of time with (if you're attracted to them and connect with them, that is)? It sounds like she's waiting for someone better to come along. I agree with Grandma — move on.