Q: What’s the best way to pick someone up at a nudist event? A: You won’t have to worry about that.
This weekend, The Young Nudists and Naturists of America had a fancy dinner party at a loft in Manhattan’s financial district. Everyone was naked, of course. We sent our best endowed writer to check it out.
Jerry, 40
Why are nudists better in bed?
Because they know their bodies, and they’re comfortable with them. They also know how to interact with people very easily.
What's the best way to pick up someone at a nudist event?
Say, “Hi, my name is Frank… Sausage." No, just kidding. The best way to pick up someone is to give them a good hello, and a hug. And make sure that your quads touch. Then say hello and smile again. I think the person will get the picture.
I get easily aroused — sometimes for no clear reason. What happens if I'm at a nudist event, and I get an erection around someone I'm not attracted to, or worse, someone I am?
If you're attracted to someone, you might just want to sort of stay there, and try and calm yourself a little, so that it goes down. At least the person knows you're interested.
How long do I have to wait before I asked out my sister's ex-boyfriend?
Six to eight months.
I am not a fan of women who don't shave. Nothing personal — it's just a preference. I don't want to go home with someone, find out she's unshaven, and then offend her. How can I meet shaved women?
I think you should do it yourself. Shave her yourself.
I think it's really important for a young woman to learn about her sexuality. Is it weird to give my seventeen-year-old daughter a vibrator?
Adolescents and teens can explore sexual things on their own. I think vibrators are best left for people who are much older.
I dated a professor, while I was in his class, secretly. He broke up with me, and now I've found out that he's dating another student of his. Should I report him?
I don't think you can really do anything about it. If the school officials find out, they might end up asking you questions, too.
I'm a married woman who's no longer sexually compatible with her husband. Is it better to have secret affair, and lie, or leave my husband and fuck up my kids?
Oh, wow. You're going to either have to do some heavy masturbating or invite a third person in with your husband's consent. And then maybe you can swing a little bit.
I'm gay man and I just found out my partner used to "date" older men for money. I wouldn't mind if he was broke and doing it out of necessity, but he was a student at a good college. I'd like to let bygones be bygones, but it's driving me crazy. What should I do?
You should leave the baggage alone. There's nothing you can do about his past. All you can do is invest in the relationship in the present.
Olya, 25
Why are nudists better in bed?
I've never slept with a nudist, so I wouldn't know.
I'm interested in attending my first nudist event, but I’m really insecure about the size of my penis. What should I do?
Would you feel better about yourself by flaunting it and standing proudly up to the world, or by hiding and pretending it is what it's not? Chutzpah is a lot more important than material reality.
My girlfriend is a nudist, but I'm not into it. I'm not comfortable letting her attend nudist events by herself, and I'm not interested in going. Is it crazy that I want her to hang out with me, with her clothes on, instead of a bunch of naked strangers?
Loser.
What's the best way to pick up someone at a nudist event?
I wouldn’t worry about that so much. You probably won't need to try too hard.
I am not a fan of women who don't shave. It's nothing personal — just a preference. I don't want to go home with someone, find out she's unshaven, and then offend her. How can I meet shaved women?
This is why you go to nudist events. It's all out there for your eyes to see. There are no surprises later, no false advertisements.
I think it's really important for a young woman to learn about her sexuality. Is it weird to give my seventeen-year-old daughter a vibrator?
No, no. It’s not weird at all. Not at all.
Eirik, 39
Why are nudists better in bed?
Because they look better naked.
I'm interested in attending my first nudist event, but I’m really insecure about the size of my penis. What should I do?
You should be at peace with your penis.
My girlfriend is a nudist, but I'm not into it. I'm uncomfortable letting her attend nudist events by herself, and I'm not interested in going. Is it crazy that I want her to hang out with me, with her clothes on, instead of a bunch of naked strangers?
Well, most girls look better naked. I would appreciate that.
What's the best way to pick up someone at a nudist event?
I'm researching that myself at the moment.
I get easily aroused — sometimes for no clear reason. What happens if I'm at a nudist event, and I get an erection around someone I'm not attracted to, or worse, someone I am?
An erection is a natural occurrence. Girls know that it happens, and they take it as a compliment.
How long do I have to wait before I asked out my sister's ex-boyfriend?
A very, very long time.
I am not a fan of women who don't shave. It's nothing personal — just a preference. I don't want to go home with someone, find out she's unshaven, and then offend her. How can I meet shaved women?
You could just present your dilemma to the girl that you meet. Maybe even in the first sentence, so that you know you're not wasting your time.
I dated a professor, while I was in his class, secretly. He broke up with me, and now I've found out that he's dating another student of his. Should I report him?
No, you should be kind and not judge, lest you be judged yourself.
I'm a married woman who's no longer sexually compatible with her husband. Is it better to have secret affair, and lie, or leave my husband and fuck up my kids?
Definitely fuck up your kids.
I'm gay man and I just found out my partner used to "date" older men for money. I wouldn't mind if he was broke and doing it out of necessity, but he was a student at a good college. I'd like to let bygones be bygones, but it's driving me crazy. What should I do?
You should let him have his fun, and try to come to terms with it. And if you can't, that's really your problem.
