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You might not know this, but Thanksgiving is the best holiday of the year. You don't have to buy a gift for your most annoying family member or send your boss a cheese log. You don't have to pretend that the ten-year-old girl dressed up as Britney Spears is appropriate or deserving of a mini Snickers bar. You really don't have to fast. No, this is a holiday about three simple things: eating, drinking, and merriment.

If you haven't realized that yet, it's probably because you're doing it wrong. Maybe you're still stuck in the old family rut — dutifully flying home for a few days each November to eat turkey with mom, dad and great-aunt Mildred. And it's probably fine; the food is good, the conversation might be somewhat lively (especially if Mildred's had her schnapps), but you're still secretly counting down the minutes till everyone goes to bed and you can have a smoke and a proper-sized glass of wine. Or, maybe you're one of those Thanksgiving deniers who just pretends the whole thing isn't happening, staying at home and eating turkey lo mein with your cat.

Either way, you're missing out, and this year it's time to break the cycle. And it's not as hard as you think. Here are five ways to host your very own kick-ass, grown-up Thanksgiving dinner.

1. The Game Plan

I just wanted to roast my bird without having to agree on a safe word first.

Divide and conquer: for your first time, it's probably best to tackle Turkey Day with a friend or two. A roommate or a significant other are natural choices, but anyone you can work with will do. Start at least a few days in advance and divvy up the labor. If you don't know how to go about this, watch some reruns of Top Chef's "Restaurant Wars" — you need a front-of-house person, an executive chef, and, if you've got a third, a sous-chef. As my roommate and Thanksgiving co-host, Joanna, put it: "You be Tom, I'll be Padma."


For our first Thanksgiving, Jo and I didn't start planning until the Monday before. For us it was just right, but if you and your friends are grown-ups with busy lives, you might want more time. As far as guests go, don't bite off more than you can chew. Between six to eight guests is manageable, but fewer is better if you're unsure. If you're having trouble deciding on a number, count how many clean forks you currently have in your silverware drawer and subtract two.

Always confirm your guest list. You know how nice restaurants call you the day before your reservation? Do that. It doesn't have to be super-formal, but since it's considered poor form to turn people away at the door, it stops your friends from having to eat on the floor. I, on the other hand, checked in with my Padma about the guest list around 11:00 a.m. on the day of. She informed me, very nonchalantly, that both Kevin and Brett were bringing dates, and so we would be nine, not seven. I informed her, rather chalantly, that we only own seven chairs and she had failed in her duties. After a bit of shouting, we tried the nice folks across the hall, who luckily lent us a couple of folding chairs. But if you hate your neighbors, figure these things out in advance.

2. The Bird

Focus most of your energy on the turkey. Even if everything else goes wrong, your guests will still be happy if there's an edible bird. Which is why you should practice. Think of cooking a turkey as losing your virginity, and Thanksgiving as prom night. You can wait until the big day to give it your first shot, but the stakes are a lot higher and the disappointment will be much keener if you crash and burn. Or set off the building's fire alarm.

I did a dry-run the Tuesday before. I rejected the first few recipes I found online. They seemed full of oblique S&M references: pin it down, truss it up, stuff the cavity. I just wanted to roast my bird without having to agree on a safe word first. I finally found one that seemed pretty G-rated: preheat to 450 degrees, stick it on a baking sheet, "massage butter all over the breasts and legs" (okay, PG-13), and shove it in the oven.

Unless you have been to culinary school, buy a meat thermometer. Until my test run, "meat thermometer" sounded more like a bad high-school grunge band than anything I'd want in my kitchen. Your recipe will probably give you two ways of telling if the bird's done: subjective (the meat is soft and the leg bone twists easily) and objective one (when the thermometer reads 175 degrees). On my first shot, I assumed I could ignore the thermometer, just like I'd skipped the kneading my butter with fresh tarragon "several days in advance." After the recommended amount of time, I pulled the turkey out. I poked it: soft. I twisted its leg: easy. But when I cut into it, I discovered gross, translucent, pink meat. Back into the oven it went. By the time it was finally done, I'd made so many cuts I'd have been better off serving it as a seasonal bowl of turkey fried rice.




        


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14 Comments

Nothing beats Thanksgiving TV marathons wacked out on Triptophan and booze. Good call.

RM commented on 11/23

Having just coordinated my family (early)thanksgiving just this weekend, I'd say one of the best deterrents against "Slow Turkey" Lag is a small set of appetizers. Some chips and salsa and some cheese go a long way in buying you time. Hummus is always a good way to go too.

MJR commented on 11/23

That Joanna girl sounds hot. I don't think I'll ever have a normal turkey day for my entire life, but if I did I think it'd go a lot like this.

JFP commented on 11/23

That is one big, expensive turkey. Heritage bird? Hand fed with grain? I've recentgly learned that all turkey is good turkey if you slow cook it in turkey fat.

bkr commented on 11/23

Duck fat

bkr commented on 11/23

I think the aforementioned joint is a very essential element to a successful thanksgiving.

pip commented on 11/23

A 60$ bird? Dang. As a frequent hostess, I would be put off if someone invited me over and then asked for money. I'd rather just bring my own booze and a side dish.

SD commented on 11/23

This is by far the best article I've ever read about hosting your own friendsgiving as a boozeloving twentysomething. So exciting and informative, I almost want to cancel on my parents!

ALDV commented on 11/23

I know what you mean, I've also been asked to bring a donation to a dinner party and been unsure how I feel about it. But I think that's just convention. If they're providing most of the food and the wine, $20 is not such a big deal, considering what you'd end up paying for it if you did it yourself. Plus, I think the point of this article is how to throw a thanksgiving if you're young and maybe a bit broke - better to have a bunch of friends pitch some money and make it happen than be put off from having the party to begin with because it costs too much!

FM commented on 11/23

Also, I agree. Joanna sounds like a mega-hottie! Don't know why I think that, maybe it's because she's described as some sort of Polish Padma.....both of which are super hot!

DD commented on 11/23

I gather that this writer has some foul experiences with Bird Day that have needed improvement and he clearly has hatched some new ideas to ameliorate these for this year. This is an example of how different birds of a feather, don't stick together...all in all, the makings of a wonderful event. I will come and participate anytime invited

POP commented on 11/23

Wow terrific as a mom of 5 kids and mostly single and a very busy integrative pyhsician. What a terrific writing this is!

HF commented on 11/24

Aunt Hennie, is that you?

KB commented on 11/24

Haha, I can so see you having exactly this sort of Thanksgiving, Ben! I think I'll take you up on the idea next year or when I'm back in Europe trying to take a bit of America with me :)

LMAR commented on 11/24
 

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