If we don’t see the reverse cowgirl in Vancouver, we’ll be disappointed.
To commemorate the start of the 2010 Winter Olympics, let’s take a moment to celebrate all the mighty athletes who are competing. No, not in Vancouver — on YouTube. Because let’s be honest, if you’re over the age of fifteen and not currently following a six-hour-a-day workout regimen, you can never represent your country in the Olympic games. But you can organize your office mates into a crew team and “row” vigorously around the cubicles. In honor of all the men and women who didn’t make it to Canada this year, we bring you the best of the YouTube Olympics:
Redneck Hillbilly Fat Belly Mud
Diving National Olympics
In which Budweiser-drinking, beer-belly sporting Americans compete by belly-flopping into a pool of muddy water. The exact criteria are a little unclear, but I think the gold goes to Fat Redneck number three. Great utilization of the running start and a perfect ten for belly slap sound on the water.
Office Olympics- Rowing
While they might not be the most athletic bunch, these guys win points for being perfectly synchronized. It also seems like they’ve been practicing often, since the woman at her desk doesn’t even notice, even with their bicycle-riding coach screaming into the megaphone.
The Hipster Olympics
While you were busting your ass at cross-country practice, they were smoking their first cigarettes outside record shops and cultivating an air of aloofness. But that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve their own chance at Olympic glory. Of course, since none of them will admit to being hipsters, the games will have to take place under the assumption that all contestants are participating ironically.
Barback Olympics
This is for all the men and women out there breaking their backs to keep your favorite bar well stocked. The next time you’re lugging another case of Stella up the backstairs, imagine your efforts narrated by a DJ as dozens of beach babes scream your name.
The Unemployed Olympics
Drawing record turn-out this year, these games feature events like “Pin The Blame On Your Boss” and “The Corporate Phone-Toss.” All of the events started late and ran even later, but fortunately, the contestants didn’t care since they literally have nothing to do.
The Sex Olympics
This basically affirms two of my long-held beliefs: one, sex is great exercise, and two, most people do not have the core body-strength actually perform those crazy sex positions. Kudos, though, to the RA here for finding a non-alcohol-related activity that the students actually participated in. Woo, college!