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36

Hypothesis:
As someone who knew he was gay from age eleven and was also born by c-section, I was both confident and content with the fact that I had never come into contact with a vagina. But what would I discover if I actually gave this whole "woman" thing a try? After all, I think women are awesome in general, so maybe having sex would turn my "like" into "love." Would I enjoy it? Could I increase the size of my dating pool? With grim determination and thoughts of liberated sexuality, I set out to see.

Materials:
1 (very willing) woman
1 gay man
3 gay porn magazines
1 bottle of Jack Daniels

Method:
Most people agree that it's possible to know you don't like something without experiencing it, like rock climbing or The Hills. So while the idea of female genitalia wasn't gross, it was about as sexually enticing to me as a paperweight. And so — while I had made out with girls in a we're-drunk-it's-funny kind of way — I comfortably stayed away from any downtown action.

The only problem with this lack of experience was that, as an emotional masochist, one of my favorite pastimes was developing doomed crushes on straight men. These would often be guys I was good friends with, who appreciated the way I helped them with their girl troubles (and missed my occasional grimaces of soul-crushing pain). While I would never say this to them — the straight male is a fragile and easily frightened animal — I'd think to myself, "Well, how do you know you wouldn't like making out with me if you've never done it?" I knew it was wildly hypocritical, but that didn't stop me.

So, in an effort to put my money where my mouth was (or wasn't), I decided I would have sex with a girl. It wasn't going to be easy. While in eighth grade girls often went crazy for the safety and dependability of a soon-to-be-gay guy, currently the ladies are not banging down my door. I figured two things: one, this would have to be a girl who was well aware that I was gay. No point in getting someone besides myself hurt in the process. Two, I'd want the actual experience to be as spontaneous as possible. I'd need to keep my wits about me, as I had long ago turned off the part of my brain that noticed any sort of interest on the part of womankind.

Setup:
All the requirements were fulfilled one particular Friday night. Jenny was not only a good friend, she also had many of the things I look for in a guy. She is taller than I am (not hard, since I am quite short), easy-going, and a hard drinker. That drunken night at my apartment, our conversation turned to our own personal sexual frustrations, which, in your early twenties, is like saying "our own personal oxygen." And that's when I saw my chance to literally do it for science.

"I've been a bit curious, about um... havingsexwithagirl."


"Well," I said, "I've been a bit curious, about um." I clammed up. "Uh, um, uh..." I felt like a fifteen-year-old boy. I said in a quiet mumble, "...havingsexwithagirl."

She looked nonplussed. I drunkenly explained about my straight-guy philosophy, and the nature of my experiment. She considered for a moment. "Well... sure. Why not?"

And so it was on.

Results:
We started slow. If this was going to happen, I was going to do it right, goddamn it. We made out on my bed, and it felt like freshman year of high school for both of us. This was the territory I was familiar with. Normally making out with a girl was sort of fun, but knowing that it was the first step in a larger process made me hyper-aware of everything that was different. There was no stubble, for one thing, which I actually missed. And I wasn't sure if I was supposed to touch her boobs — how would I even do that? My arms moved gracelessly, looking for some nook between our bodies to exploit.

Still, the lead-up was not the point, so soon our clothes came off, and it was time. I reached into my drawer for a condom, and had the luck to pull one out that I'd gotten at a sexual-health event a couple of weeks before. The wrapper was adorned with a rainbow background and a stunning picture of a man's ass. It was both perfect and completely inappropriate. On it went.

And then I did it, full-on genital penetration. I know that there was probably a lot more preparation I should have done — going straight from making out to sex seemed like a leap you're generally not supposed to take — but it was truly a now-or-never moment. If nothing else, I was generous with the lubrication — having had nothing but gay sex, it was de rigueur. And if there was anything like an improvement over sex with a guy, it was that the concordance of male and female genitalia — both being towards the front — made missionary-position sex slightly less awkward. To my mind, though, the actual feelings in my junk, through the double screen of alcohol and latex, were pretty much the same. The whole act had a mechanical quality. Make sure you do this, make sure you touch that, and you're in business. Once again I found that boobs only served to confuse me. I knew that they were supposed to be star players in this whole sex-with-a-woman thing, but I was on top of her. How could I touch them without doing the sexual equivalent of a one-handed push up?

Comments ( 36 )

I agree that using a condom doesn't really give you the full extent of how wonderful a vagina can feel, but with a normal condom, at least you get the basic idea. And heck, the author probably uses condoms for anal, so he's used to that. It just dawned on me, though: given the "male butt" logo on the package, did the author use extra-thick condoms, the ones designed specifically for anal sex? Those are TERRIBLE for vaginal sex. Thick condoms suck to begin with, and a super-thick condom could easily make a vagina feel no different from an anus (since you're not feeling all that much to begin with), eliminating one of the best parts of heterosex. Anal sex is great fun and ridiculously hot, but on a strictly tactile level, vaginal sex without a condom (or with a sufficiently thin condom) is close to the Platonic ideal of Nice Places To Put One's Penis. It'd be a shame for the author to go to all that effort, only to do the equivalent of going to an acoustic concert wearing industrial-strength earplugs.

I.D. commented on Oct 08 09 at 12:16 am

Lame. Not going down on a girl during sex is like watching a movie with your eyes closed.

feet commented on Oct 08 09 at 12:41 am

while the conclusion was foregone (he's GAY, y'all. condoms or no condoms, anal, oral, vaginal, mutually masturbatory, whatever, he's not sexually attracted to/isn't into bangin' chicks), the experiment itself was brilliantly executed, thoughtful, and well-written. good on ya, dude.

cm. commented on Oct 07 09 at 3:17 pm

Did you give her a Dirty Sanchez?

dSc commented on Oct 07 09 at 3:34 pm

nice one. bold and honest. interesting read, thanks.

bm commented on Oct 07 09 at 4:01 pm

After reading this, I'm petty sure the last dude I made it with is gay too

tk commented on Oct 07 09 at 8:00 pm

Marc, I thought this story was hilarious-- in the right way. Thanks for sharing.

BF commented on Oct 08 09 at 11:50 am

Interesting article -- as a "straight guy", it's something I've always wondered as well. People on both sides of the fence are so afraid to bat for the other team that they burn their bridges before they hatch. For anyone to say that they are exclusively straight or exclusively gay seems shortsighted somehow. (You know, "says the straight guy"...)

MG commented on Oct 08 09 at 5:03 pm

Did you give her a Dirty Sanchez?

dSc commented on Oct 08 09 at 11:08 pm

dSc, please stop asking that. This is an actually well-written article, so don't bring it down.

htw commented on Oct 08 09 at 11:23 pm

There is no real commitment to wholeheartedness here. I see only reluctance at every step. I'm 100% straight and I think I could have better and more passionate sex with a dude than the author's half hearted fumbling with this woman.

dre commented on Oct 09 09 at 8:38 am

dre -- In that case, I'm gonna have to reduce your 100% by a few points, because I was in fact surprised by how much more able to try to do this with a woman he was than I would be willing to do it with a guy. So no, you're not 100% straight.

SG commented on Oct 09 09 at 10:35 am

SG -- I think it depends on the definition. If one is completely repulsed by the sex act with a member of the opposite sex (or a member of the same sex, depending on their "starting point"), I think that is more of a mental problem. I'm not saying that homo- or heterosexuality is a mental illness. I am saying that a failure to recognize academically that the sensations experienced through a physical expression of sexuality that differs from your own can be pleasurable demonstrates and ignorance or intolerance that runs deeper than any social experiment can overcome. There are several reasons that prevent me from trying it, but they're primarily based on social reasons, not a presumed inability to experience pleasure.

MG commented on Oct 09 09 at 1:17 pm

I think you may have had a way better time had you decided to try your experimen with a queer femme top. That is, if you are a bottom. She would have taken care of the situation, made you feel like a princess and fucked the shit out of you. Straight as can be!

Mama commented on Oct 12 09 at 12:42 pm

Correction: Perhaps you should have had sex with me!

Mama commented on Oct 12 09 at 12:43 pm

I'm surprised to learn that nipples don't play an active role in gay sex. I'm male, and (potential TMI warning) my own can be terrifically sensitive. I could also suggest that you should have spent a LITTLE time reading up on basic female anatomy as it applies to sexual intercourse, but then there are plenty of straight men who need to do the same.

RR commented on Oct 12 09 at 3:04 pm

SG- The test of how straight you are is not how repulsed you are by sex with the same gender. The test is how turned on you are by those of the opposite gender in conjunction with a lack of desire for the same gender.

dre commented on Oct 12 09 at 4:35 pm

I've never believed that a person's sexuality could be summed up with one word.

TM commented on Oct 12 09 at 6:00 pm

I never thought I'd enjoy sex with a guy (I'm a girl). But I let myself try it. What did I discover?

I just like sex, good sex, in general.

Now, if you lined up a guy and a girl and asked me who I wanted to have sex with, I'd still choose the girl (after I made sure a 3some wasn't possible).

Some people like it, some people don't. We're all different, and that's the beauty of the world.

CJC commented on Oct 12 09 at 7:58 pm

Simply put: Thank you...

SM commented on Oct 13 09 at 1:11 am

I very rarely read articles all the way to the end but this was super interesting! Thx for bothering to go through that!

JM commented on Oct 13 09 at 9:11 am

As a straight man with many gay friends (both male and female) this topic has risen many times. In the past I had questions about my sexuality, and even thought I was falling for a man. I gave it a shot, and much the same as our author discovered that there was something very intrinsic missing. Simply put we are what we are, and I give great kudos to our dear author for giving it a go. (Ps, my male partner found my lack of erection so amusing he actually appologised to me. Talk about embarassing. )
Thanks for showing us that the curiosity to explore does not translate to a different sexuality, just to curiosity.

JH commented on Oct 14 09 at 12:43 am

NN i adore you!

JJ commented on Oct 13 09 at 8:58 pm

Off-topic: I'd do that guy on the magazine cover, he's hot.

JF commented on Oct 15 09 at 2:14 pm

i like guys a lot, but have never ruled out sex with a woman. when i think of a man and a woman having sex, it turns me on as much as two men or two women. i get really interested in having sex with a woman even though i like guys more.
i guess just the thought of doing something that vbiously looks fun makes me itch todo it.

kjjs commented on Oct 17 09 at 7:55 am

Thank you for this article! It was definitely entertaining as I have thought about sex with a women myself. I can that I am pretty odd myself because I like watching straight porn. I love watching the men going in and out of a girl, and as long as there not doing to many close ups of her face and her boobs then Im good. But I could NEVER actually do it with a girl. I have always been more attractive to men and I have more in common with men. You have a good friend there! Im pretty sure most girls would run and tell a friend.

JM commented on Oct 18 09 at 11:57 am

After thinking that I was purely gay from the ages of 12 - 23, a girl chased after me for a while and I gave in. Yes, she knew that I liked boys. When the time came, she simply slid down onto me as I was reaching for the condoms (I was trying to do the right thing!). We had explosive sex. That led to a twelve month sexual relationship.

Now I know that I'm not purely gay. I am slightly bisexual. I prefer guys but I'll be happy to have sex with a nice, willing chick if she wants me and understands the situation.

OC commented on Oct 21 09 at 5:07 am

I have let a few guys guys go down on me. (straight guy here). I don't think that makes me gay or bi. They put on straight porn and I just let go. There is also something about not guys. In the head. like its another dude and you don't have to worry about feelings. Just getting your dick sucked.

KSS commented on Nov 01 09 at 10:15 am

This is a great story. I feel like it should be published in some science journal.

zw commented on Nov 08 09 at 4:21 pm

The thing about it is we convince ourselves to the fact, gay men because of the years of 'finding themselves' & later defending themselves on the choice to come out & be open about their sexuallity. & straight men because most are raised hating the idea. raised to think it's only right when a penis & vagina get together. Women are actually more open to all of it, physical & emotional. Keep an open mind & the limits fade. I identify myself as a gay man. but have experienced deep attraction towards women. & have had hetero sex, i didn't mind it & tried it out a few times. not because it was great. just to see if it would be easier than the first time. I had opened my mind to it. & it was easier. it was better. I enjoyed it. I still will say gay when asked. & don't actively chase women. but if it happens to come by. I wont deny

JC commented on Nov 12 09 at 12:56 am

LOL! good on you mate, I have personally tried this experiment myself, it has never actually worked out though, I just have problems actually getting aroused11110 with women ... and yes boobs are very odd :S

le commented on Jan 07 10 at 6:58 pm

Definitely adopting doggy style would have made matters easier AND put the breasts into play..

ZD4D commented on Jan 12 10 at 12:13 pm

props to you
Personally i am bi so i think your conclusion fits someone who is one way and no real attraction to the other and were willing to experiment to see if that would change
Kudos man

JH commented on Jan 15 10 at 12:47 pm

I would have enjoyed some commentary on the aesthetics of the vagina from Marc's perspective as well as what he thought about the possibility of giving oral.

KW commented on Jan 21 10 at 7:11 pm

I applaud you at your effort. My ex just came out of the closet (it was actually the reason why we broke up) and our sex life was okay. We both got our rocks off but there was definitely something missing and I think we both knew this. If you're not into it, you're not.

CB commented on Mar 11 10 at 4:14 pm

The real test is to taste her.

Redm commented on Apr 13 10 at 3:56 pm

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