My First Time

My First Time: Female, 19, Ottawa

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We’re looking for stories about the first time you had sex. Email  with 500-1000 words. (Don’t worry, we won’t print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited.

I was a bit of a late bloomer – but I was definitely never a prude. I started masturbating at five years old. All my Barbies wanted to flaunt off their shiny beige cleavage for Ken and play time usually involved them rubbing against each other on my family room carpet. I scoured my parent’s extensive book collection for any sex scene, whether it was with 19th century lovers or scaly lizard-like creatures, lapping at humans (seriously – that is in a book). If I stayed up late enough, sometimes I’d get a glimpse of Showcase’s Red Shoe Diaries, and would use those graphic scenes to bolster my sexual imagination for as long as I could.

I met Jon in my second year of university. I was late for the first day of my 8:30 am British history class and the only seat was at the front of the room, right beside. I was wearing tight jeans and he sat up straighter when I settled in to the seat. The first chance we had, he started talking to me. He was funny and I was shy, and after a few weeks of weekly classes, we were chatting online and emailing each other. The holidays came and went and I’d spent my break partying and making out with strangers, seemingly preparing myself for the inevitable with Jon.

A few weeks into second semester, I started going to Jon’s house to hang out. We’d eat, watch TV, talk, and talk more. I’d drive home in the icy January early morning, excited, wondering what was going to happen next. One night, close to when I had to go home, he kissed me, and the next minute, I was on top of him, his hands rubbing my corduroy-covered ass. That night I drove home, near delirious, my clothes smelling like him, and my panties completely soaked. Busy with school, we didn’t see each other constantly, but spent each Thursday morning rubbing our legs against each other in class, and the occasional evening in his small bedroom, hands wandering, my own not really sure what to do.

In February, he invited me to meet his friends at a small party and stay over at his place. Terrified, I ate chocolate-covered coffee beans for energy, followed by way too many rum and cokes. In his bedroom that night, he undressed me. I drunkenly insisted I keep my (duck-covered) socks on and then told him I was a virgin. He was surprised and, I think, disappointed. He slid inside me slowly but we were both too drunk for it to go any further. The next morning, he told me he only had the one condom, so we had to look for the one we used the night before. Finding it on the floor behind his bed, he slid it on and we resumed what we had started. It hurt, but it was quick. A quick trip to the bathroom afterwards showed me I was bleeding. Later on, he asked me to give him a blow job, and taking his above-average penis in my mouth, I didn’t know what to do with my teeth. Wincing, he asked me to stop. That night I showed my friends how big his dick was over coffee and donuts.

We dated for a few months after that, the sex becoming more natural to me. I didn’t know what we were for a long time, until I overheard him tell his grandma I was his girlfriend. He broke up with me through email in July, telling me he didn’t want anything serious, and I cried for a week.

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Becoming excited about mindfulness may perhaps appear harmless, but when we get as well pushy about it in our most intimate relationships especially with our partners and spouses it can turn into a supply of relational friction, and even conflict. Do you at times have a sinking feeling that you did not marry the one? Maybe you have married a individual with whom the sex is not normally frequent, passionate, and surprising. But in todays society, it generally has to be the man. And since he may not locate the courage to open up, the scenario ends up in a dead end, with the man remaining lonely and the lady receiving asked out by a more confident man who may well not be as superior of a match for her. The lady who go to the fraternity party could not give such a shy man a look, but he may perhaps be a much better sexual or romantic partner than the extra confident man who will just merely speak to her, lure her in, and then take advantage of her. Heck, the shy man may possibly even make confident that the lady is sexually happy rather than just trying to satisfy himself. But if the woman does not ask but only waits and if shes unwilling to give a shy man a possibility, she will by no means know. Subjects told us that relationships had been not only timeconsuming, but also marked by power inequalities and abuse.

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