Please Advise: I feel too young to marry my perfect girlfriend. Should we break up?

yes.

I'm sure to a lot of unhappily single people, I sound like a whiner who wants to have his cake and eat it too. <----- this

Honestly: Why the fuck was the first idea you had to break up with her? Did you consider, you know, talking to her about the fact that you feel like you're being pressured to rush into things while you're too young? That's a really reasonable thing to think, and you might be surprised -- she might have been thinking the same thing.

You are probably right about being too young to get married, especially if you feel too young to get married. (If you're actually just hung up on the number "thirty," that would be a different story -- but it sounds like you're using that as an explanation as to why this feels so wrong to you.) But you are wrong about the false dichotomy you arranged for yourself here: Either (1), you break up with her, or (2), you sign on for a long term commitment that you aren't really prepared for, and pretend that your mixed feelings have just gone away. Let me give you some other options -- you don't have to take any of them, but just know that they're out there. You could open up the relationship, and start casually seeing other people while still being primarily committed to her. You could spend some time away from each other (the term I would use would be "take a break," but everyone seems to translate that as "stall before breaking up," which is not how it should be) -- go on separate vacations, spend more time with friends. You could have an understanding that marriage may come at a later time in your (still committed, closed) relationship, but it's not a pressure that you want in your life right now. You could move out -- the fact that you can live together well is great, but it's true, it can pressure people into commitment that they don't really want; and if you ever do get married, hey, you already know that you live together beautifully! You could put the relationship on hold for a period (a year, two years), and then see where you two are, and how your feelings have changed.

Maybe she won't be cool with any of that. Maybe she'll freak out when you talk about the fact that you're not ready for marriage. Maybe she'll be totally open to trying whatever you want. But TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.

You feel your relationship has reached a crossroads and you need to make a move one way or another? I can't relate. She's a human being not a box of brownie mix. Is she past her expiration date? If yes then do what I do, use milk instead of water... oh wait I'm still talking about brownies.

A few years ago, I lived through a situation very similar to the one you describe. My girlfriend and I had met in college and had been dating for about 4 years; the relationship had gotten progressively serious; we had moved in together when I was 23 (she was 25); everyone just assumed that we would get married soon enough.

But in the span of about one week, two important things happened. First, my girlfriend and I were chatting with a middle-aged couple, and I realized that I felt as if I was living the life and relationship of many (but by no means all) 45-year-olds, not a 23-year-old: monotonous, familiar, complacent, boring. Second, an acquaintance casually started flirting with me, and I caught myself wondering about what single life would be like again. I realized not only that I found this new girl attractive (harmless enough), but also that I was considering the possibilities of acting on the attraction. (I never did act on it.) I spent about a month agonizing over the kind of questions that "Two Cakes" is asking now: How could I be unhappy in my "amazing relationship"? And if my wonderful girlfriend doesn't make me happy, then will anyone else? Shouldn't I be happy in the relationship that I have? What if single life sucks and I regret breaking up? Should I be satisfied with general contentment in my relationship, even if it never entails the blissful happiness that we experienced at the beginning?

I abruptly broke up with my girlfriend shortly afterward -- one day she asked me what was wrong, and I just said that I wanted to break up -- and the subsequent fallout was one of the worst experiences of my life. I broke her heart; she hated me for it, and for a while I hated myself. How, I wondered, could I have thrown all of that away? Had I made a huge mistake? Eventually I learned that the realizations which initiated the break-up -- that I wasn't ready for serious commitment, that maybe I wanted to explore and pursue other relationships -- were intuitive reactions to complex issues in the current situation. My girlfriend and I had lost touch with each other, with our relationship, and with ourselves. Perhaps my we could have taken some time for self-reflection, articulated our problems and concerns, and worked through them together. But the fact that we were unable to do so reinforced the whole point, at least for me. I wasn't ready for the kind of commitment and effort that such a serious relationship demanded; I wasn't mature enough to endure a period of difficulty and resolve issues without knowing whether things would return to the way they once were. In short, I wasn't ready, at 23, to accept a relationship in which I felt content, but not really happy.

Self-doubt is a nasty, nagging thing, and it's important to listen to and trust your instincts. If you catch yourself daydreaming about single life or a possible romantic interest, then your relationship may not be as "amazing" as you think; problems may exist, and you may not know how to identify or articulate them. There is a fine, but recognizable line between noticing an attractive girl who walks by and considering whether you'd be happier with her than you are with your girlfriend. Ask yourself what you're doing. If you're doing the latter, then your instincts are probably directing you toward a break-up. And if you follow them, you won't be doing so for "no reason"; you just may not grasp the reasons until you've gained a better perspective on the relationship. Lacking a concrete reason for electing to end your relationship, in other words, is not a sufficient reason to continue that relationship.

Moreover, you have to decide whether you owe it to yourself, not your girlfriend, to fight for the relationship. The question isn't whether you're in love; you may have fallen out of love for any number of reasons. The issue, rather, is whether you are willing to do what is necessary to affirm and strengthen your commitment to your girlfriend -- to fall back into love with her. If I could re-live my previous experience, I would probably try to communicate better before impulsively initiating the break-up. But I also realize that I needed to endure the pain of the break-up in order to learn how to communicate better, how to recognize the difference between a relationship that I want to fight for and one that I don't. You may not have good reasons for wanting to break up, but at 24 you don't necessarily need them. Indeed, breaking up may be what you need to do to understand why the break-up was necessary -- why the relationship, for some reason, wasn't quite right -- in the first place.

You will do your girlfriend a huge favor by being honest with her: whether that means explaining how you don't want to continue the relationship because something isn't right anymore or confiding that you're having doubts about your relationship and the seriousness of your commitment to each other. Too many people ignore what their instincts tell them and fail to communicate effectively with their partners. Many pursue a relationship in which they aren't entirely happy, allow it to grow progressively serious because of the pressures of conventional social narratives, and wind up causing more long-term damage (depression, mid-life crises, adultery, separation, divorce, etc.) than a break-up at 22 will cause.

Whatever you decide to do, don't cheat on your girlfriend. Pause; reflect; communicate; and above all, trust yourself. You know what to do; you just need to realize it.

if it was so amazing you wouldn't have doubts now..I ended my 5 year relationship (i'm 23 now) for very much the same reason and now i'm happier than ever enjoying the single life...i just couldn't imagined being all the time with only one person. take a break, you'll find someone better when you're ready

so many people on here in their early twenties, invested in 5-6-7 year relationships, talking about marriage. to all y'all: DON'T DO IT.

i was that girl. got married at 23, thinking i knew everything about everything, thinking i had the best of all possible relationships. but thing is, unless you're going to move to a conservative, early-marrying, early-procreating society, it's just unbearable to be settled and domestic and monogamous through your twenties. you cannot imagine, if you marry that young, the desperate longing you will have for your single friends' lives a couple years down the road, when you've been banging the same person for nigh on ten years. and just try changing the terms of the relationship then, when neither of you have the life experience to imagine all the other possible permutations of relationships that exist.

the marriage was terrible, the divorce (at 26) even more so, and although it's all better now, i put myself through a ton of angst and paperwork that wouldn't have been necessary if i just had the sense to NOT MARRY THE GUY.

It's "eat my cake and have it too". You can have a cake and then eat it and there's nothing exceptional about that request. It's the other way around because if you eat the cake, you no longer have it, and you can't have both.

On your deathbed, which will you most regret? The sins of commission or the sins of omission? I suspect the latter, so don't get married. But accept that you have no "right" decision here.

Not that this is the declarative statement you're looking for, but is there any reason you feel so compelled to be married or be broken up? At your age, yes, I would have felt too young to get married, but unless she was one of the people saying "why aren't we married" it wouldn't have changed my approach to the relationship.

In contrast, if you're saying you feel constantly compelled to sleep with other women AND you've spoken to her about whether that's a sexual need that will ever be satisfied while you're with her, it's possible that you should end your relationship. If you're just not ready to be married and you've told her that (at least twice), there's nothing wrong at all with staying in a committed relationship that doesn't get you tax or health care benefits. You have no obligation to be married at 24, or 27, or 30.

You should break it off, not because you're not ready but because you don't appreciate (or deserve) the relationship you have and that's not fair to your girlfriend.

My experience was that I met my wife in college at 19, dated her until I was 20 when we got engaged, and then we married when I was 22. Our relationship has only gotten better since then. In the very beginning *she* worried that I would regret settling down so early, but neither of us has ever doubted our own decision (not that it felt like much of a choice). In fact, since our first meeting fifteen years ago, I've never been able to imagine being separated from her without feeling physically ill. If you don't feel that - if you can still imagine yourself happy on your own - let her find somebody else.

I got married when I was 23 and she was 21. Too young? I don't think so. We were together for 8 years by then (since I was 15 now I'm 32), I was already in a very good position in the company I work so money was not an issue.
It was perfect and has always been (my definition of perfect is not an argument-fight-free-relationship cause it's very rare if not utopic).
But the problem with most of the people is the fact that they are afraid of what they are missing or will miss. Many people think I'm crazy saying I wasted my youth on only one girlfriend (I had only two before her) but the truth is I don't feel like wasting anything. I had this wonderful person with me all the time so why should I be out there every night trying to have fun with people I barely know and are not so great as she was?
But back to your issue... You don't have to ger married if you don't want to. It's been four years but time shouldn't be a reason for getting married (I know sometimes it is but it's not your case).
You are in a great relationship. Are you missing anything? Are you curious about other women or want to be with them more than you want to be with your girlfriend? And more important: do you feel like wasting your time?
My advice: if you're having a great time with her, keep things the way they are cause it seems that right now you are not prepared to make any decision (to marry or not). And honestly, I can't see why you should.
Cheers

ok kid, this is how you're going to get your answer, your going to put it to a simple little test that never lie's. the next time you two are making love and right after the love making ends, you will have your answer because at that point your mind/feelings will tell you what you are looking fore because at that point a man's mind never lie's...

I've been in my drama-free and low-impact relationship for almost 15 years (since our early 20s). Sometimes being together is pretty damn exciting, and sometimes other people look pretty damn exciting. Recognize that will *always* be true, regardless of the reasons (it is not particularly related to being young or inexperienced). Also recognize that having a romantic relationship with another person, regardless of the circumstances, will likely fundamentally and permanently change your existing relationship (almost never for the better, let's be honest). And incidentally, if the thought of commitment makes you anxious-- just don't get married! We never did, and don't plan to. It's not like marriage is a guaranteed plan to lock down someone in a lifetime commitment anymore anyway-- it's kind of just devolved into an expensive party. Being with someone voluntarily always seemed to me a better way to say you were committed to someone than a stack of paperwork, and somehow, knowing it's so easy to leave reminds you of all the reasons you don't want to...

Hello self absorbed. Last time I checked, there are two people in a relationship (more if you're polyamorous). All I can see in your letter is "I,I,I, me, me, me." Have you considered asking her how she feels about where the relationship is at and where it is headed? You stated that "people" have been asking when you are going to get married, not your girlfriend. So they pressure that you feel is coming from outside sources and, perhaps, your own head. The fact that you haven't even considered how your girlfriends might feel about all this shows that, yeah, you're right. You are nowhere near ready to get married. You might not even be ready for the relationship that you are in. So ask her. (Confidential note to the girlfriend - when you find out that he has asked a bunch of anonymous strangers on the internet prior to actually communicating his concerns to you, that is totally grounds for dumping his overanalyzing yet still thoughtless ass!)

I guess this is something I don't understand about modern, American relationships. My parents are from another country, and growing up, my ideal relationship was one in which my partner was responsible, kind, good and did not cheat on me, abuse me or generally mistreat me. Things like being "not just content, but happy," (whatever the difference is) seem like asking for too much. Do these feelings even last throughout the relationship? Are they actually good indicators of how long-lasting, close and supportive the relationship will be?

I guess I didn't read the OP's letter and immediately think, "Break up! Good, happy relationships should be physically, emotionally, intellectually, exciting and fulfilling most of the time." A vague, TEMPORARY, sense of regret or curiousity about the path not taken seems normal -- human -- to me.

But maybe my expectations are too low, and I've never had a truly happy relationship. I don't know yet.

You never need to get married, not at 30, not at 24, not ever, even if you choose to stay with this wonderful woman for the rest of your life. Marriage is not a requirement or a symbol of anything except that you allow other people (your friends, family, church, government, etc) to define your relationship. What goes on between you and your girlfriend is your business alone, if you're happy and she's happy, all that other stuff just truly does not matter.

this is more or less exactly what happened with my last relationship and it ended up breaking us up. you know why? if you don't say something about your feelings, SHE WILL STILL BE ABLE TO TELL YOU'RE FEELING WEIRD.

here's the thing, though: sure, a lot of marriages fail because people get married too young, but a lot of people also break up after moving in together because it changes the dynamic. do you see what i'm getting at here?

talk to your lady friend and realize you don't actually have to get married. remember: honesty is the best policy, and it's better to have a little hurt and maybe open up the relationship to random makeouts now than to have a terrible explosive divorce in ten years because you couldn't talk to her about this. she may feel the same way!

Dude, if you don't wanna get married now, you don't have to. Especially if the pressure you feel is coming from your friends and not your girlfriend. If you talk to my mom, you shouldn't get married at all, but that's another story all together. The way I see it, your plan of not getting married until you're about thirty isn't entirely terrible, but i wouldn't break it off with the girl. Four years is relatively short to get married (in my opinion). If you love her, stay with her. If you decide to get married, get at it. Do what you think is the right thing to do.

Besides, in most states, if you live together for more than like seven years, you're in a state of "common law marriage"

I'm one of the ones who faced this same choice and got married at 22 after being together for 5 years. I'm now 25 and divorced. He was emotionally abusive. I had control issues and had a massively overwhelming feeling of being trapped.
At some point we decided to try polyamory in our desperation to find happiness. He decided to date my best friend. It emotionally and psychologically destroyed me watching him give her the affection he'd been denying to me for years. Him screaming at me and her guilt tripping me whenever I begged them to stop killed me too. Eventually I had an affair on a business trip and when I got home he left me.
It sucked. So hard. I have legit PTSD now because I've lost all ability to trust others... the best friend + husband affair = men and women set off my alarm bells. My new boyfriend will do something totally harmless but if it reminds me in any way of my former situation I go into full blown red alert panic mode. His patience & lots of therapy is teaching me to trust.
But you know what? I'm happier now than I have been in the past 8 years. I aged 10 years in 3 months and don't take shit from anyone now. My self confidence is through the roof (what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger...) which makes me irresistibly sexy to men. I'm slowly re-learning how to trust and tons of therapy is teaching me how to make sure I never get in that situation again.

DO NOT EVER STAY WITH SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU CAN'T DO BETTER!!! Do not EVER delude yourself into thinking that no other person would ever love you because of all your quirks. You WILL find love again. You are worth loving and do not EVER forget it. If some asshole forgets that then DTMFA because fuck them for not realizing how awesome you are.

Polyamory may work for some. I was coerced into it so it was some completely bastardized version. I still

Agree 100% with Murmur. You don't even mention if your girlfriend wants to get married. Getting ahead of yourself just a little bit.

"They start asking about whether or not we're going to get married ... "

"They" often ask such questions just to make conversation. Does it really make sense to make life-altering decisions based on small-talk with "They"? Five minutes after you get married, "They" will start asking you when you're going to have kids, not because it's the right thing to do, but because "they" can't think of more intelligent conversation.

What you haven't mentioned is your girlfriend's feelings. Don't be a dipshit. If you're both happy, and she's not putting massive amounts of pressure on you to make a decision you're not ready to make, then just be happy and leave things alone.

Not that you should do anything based on the experience of an anonymous troll like me, but I started dating my wife casually when we were 19, seriously at 21, and didn't get married until 27. We've been married for 15 years, and I've never been more certain about her.

Get married because you're with the right person and it feels like the time to get married, not because of anything "They" say, and above all, don't be a dipshit.

As far as statistics go, young marriages don't hold up as long as people who get married when they're old enough to think rationally, but who knows? Maybe you're one of those golden couples that just proves everyone wrong. But judging by your doubt, I'm guessing that's not the case. You don't want to get married lamenting the fact that you never "played the field". Marriage is a big commitment and takes away the freedoms of being single. Being single can be lonely, but takes away the pressures of living up to another's expectations. Think about it in terms of economics and opportunity cost. Which one is more valuable for you to lose or gain?

I say - don't sweat it. You're right to not want to get married til your late 2os/30s. The 20s are time for trying new things, seeing what lasts and what doesnt, what fails and what works. If you've got this girl that you love and can see as wife potential, but aren't too sure about taking the big leap because you're still young, thats fine. In might be a little biased because I'm in the same situation, but I say, I've got a good thing, lets see if we still connect with each other once we have our careers and long term goals set. Its only logical to me

Talk to your girl about your feelings, and definitely hold off on making any long-term commitments if you feel you're not ready yet.

It's not a reflection on your girlfriend - she sounds awesome, and there doesn't have to be anything "wrong" with her or your relationship for you to be having these thoughts.

But you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and why you think you're feeling that way, before your brain (as it often does) starts fabricating problems in her, or in the relationship, in order to justify your urge to look around a bit.

The other thing is that marriage, or a long-term commitment, implies that you're going to have to do a whackload of compromising in order to grow together as the years pass. Have you guys even discussed what your long-term plans for life are? Do you have any yet?

INTC - You're a pussy. Do her a favor and let real man marry your "perfect girl" while you spend 6 more years banging whatever else you can find.

My husband and I first got together when we were both 19, did the long distance thing for a while and moved in at 21. We loved each other, no big problems living together, great relationship. At the time I did not think he was the person I would marry. Although I loved him I did not see myself with him in a forever type scenario for reasons I was not completely sure of and that made me feel extremely guilty. I think that at 21 it was hard to imagine being with only one other person for the rest of my life. So we lived together, moved to several different states, both went to grad school but did not get married until nine years later when I finally asked him. I do not know what if anything changed really. But I am glad we did not get married until we (I) really wanted to --I will say that what finally spurred the idea for marriage was how I saw the relationship fitting within our community and that we already had a strong commitment to each other, if that makes any sense --

Why do you need to get married now? Why not experience you relationship as it is? If you end up staying together, wonderful! If not it will be much better to break up a long-term relationship than a marriage.

I always wonder how life would have been different if I didn't rush in...

First, if you are religious and believe in God, you both are living in sin...second, if you google about how relationships that are founded on living together dont last...it is true...or at lease a good number of relationships that live together first, and then marry, end up in divorce...commitment is hard...you get used to be "free" basically, because you are living together and have the cake and eating too...and you can leave ANY TIME...that when you get married you dont last...I will pray for you two...
When we live our life without God nothings comes out right...GOD first, then all falls in place...hope you make the right choice ...

Every person is different, so there is no golden rule on what to do and what not.

The human psyche forms somewhat of a catch 22 when it comes to love and relationships. Deep down we're all polygamous beings who desire multiple partners over the course of our lives, luckily not necessarily at the same time. Emotionally however we bond in unique ways, creating strong, intimate relations which could easily last a lifetime. The result is the-grass-is-usually-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome: Those who've been single for long periods of time are envious of those that have a special someone whom they can share their days with. While those who really have that someone, will likely at some point grow an itch for wanting to meet new people. I blame natural instincts which haven't quite caught up with social structures and our ways of living.

So in my honest opinion. Wondering how something with someone else would be, is not necessarily an unhealthy sign. But you should keep previous said in mind when contemplating a break up. Are you breaking up because you are not happy with the relationship? Or are you breaking up because you're starting to feel uneasy about being exclusive to one person? The first one, is a no-brain break up (or at least a call for working on your communication). The second one is tough. You wouldn't be the first one who'd break up with the love of their live and end up regretting it in retrospect. Just as you wouldn't be the first one who after 20 years of marriage regretted not having tried on more people for size while he/she was still younger. Either way, if you really love that person, he or she deserves you thinking things over thoroughly before you go breaking his/her heart, and you deserve it as well.

I'll end with saying that "personally" I believe the key in making relationships last, is giving each other enough space. For me an ideal relationship is having enough common grounds, but enough separate as well. To each their own friends to hang out with, their own nights out, their own hobbies, their own things. Don't be afraid to go on a separate holiday or something like that once in a while. But have plenty of common things and people as well, so you can build around those as a couple. It's something that requires a lot of trust, but it will pay off. Being apart raises a need to be together, while being together raises a need for being apart. Balancing it, is what keeps the spark going, because I'll repeat: for our biologically predefined brains, the grass is always greener on the other side :)

In my mid twenties, I broke up with my live-in boyfriend who I loved very much, who loved me, and who was my best friend. I freaked out because we were starting to talk about marriage, and I thought I was too young to make that kind of commitment. Now I'm in my early thirties and have had some fun flings and a few other nice boyfriends, but no one I had as much in common with or loved as much as this ex (who has been in a happy relationship with someone else for years now). I threw away the perfect guy because I bought into the idea that mid-twenties is too young to get married, or just to stay in a committed non-married relationship. If you aren't in love anymore, it's time to move on, but breaking up with someone you love because of outside ideas about age-appropriateness is a recipe for regret.

I am in the same situation. My boyfriend, of 5.5 years, broke up with me three weeks ago because he wanted some time and space to figure things out on his own. We had a great relationship but just too young to think about being together forever. He said that he loves me and doesn't want to break up but stressed out everytime he thought about how long we had been together for. He said he wants to grow up and maybe if we have some time apart it would hit him with some realities. He said he couldn't work out if i was "the one" etc and how was he meant to know if i am "the one". I am upset but understand how he feels. I guess if we are meant to be together- we will get back together. Quote: If you love someone set them free, if they don't come back it wasn't meant to be.

I'm in a similar boat, if not the passenger next to you. I'm starting to learn the hard fact that there's no right time to take the next step, let alone end a relationship. Both will be approached with a great deal of hesitation and uncertainty. In my opinion, the whole catch is figuring out whether or not the change you're contemplating will be more uncomfortable than the position you're in mentally. If equally as uncomfortable, weigh which you feel will be more beneficial to you.
Change is going to happen, whether it's forced subconsciously because you're feeling pressured and unsure, or because you make a decision.

In reality it sounds like you have a perfect situation, however you're inflicting these deadlines upon yourself. It's a societal thing that we all subconsciously toy with at one point or another. Whether it's looking around and realizing people are settling down who have been in relationships less stable and shorter than yours, or hearing about a single friends escapades we all get curious as well as uneasy and borderline insecure with whatever scenario we are in (Especially in the summer). I would hate to say it's only natural, but unfortunately it is.

Curiosity tends to happen when you're comfortable, perhaps a little too comfortable and that may be the issue. Even though things are going well, you start craving that new feeling. That uncertainty. The single life. Because nothing is wrong though, I say rather than trying to rush into a decision, you should try new things again. After 4years I'm sure you've done an innumerable amount of things together, but I'm also certain that there are things you've both been wanting to do and haven't or have done, enjoyed doing and haven't done in a while. Try things out.

No rush to figure things out, if things continue to go well, let them. Don't talk yourself out of a good thing. Also be sure to be honest with your girlfriend about how you're feeling. Don't beat around the bush either, if you have as strong of a relationship as it seems she will be open to hearing what you have to say and may even feel the same way. That in and of itself can change everything.
I found that when I mentioned my uncertainty to my boyfriend, we were both on the same page and a long honest talk ensued that cleared up some things.

best of luck.

Don't listen to any of the losers discounting your difficult position because of there own. The only thing harder than being alone is being with someone you care about, why not have an open talk about it with your girl? Tell her what's up(mostly) and see how you guys wanna work it out. I'm not a fan of the whole "open" relationship arrangement but if you guys decide its for you, why not? But what you do owe her is inclusion in the decision. The bonus to being "too young" is that even if you completely blow it, you have time ahead of you.

BgZHmq Yeah� I read and I understand that I do not understand anything what it is about:DD

As many stories as you've heard so far, you probably don't need another. And yet I want to give you one piece of testimony I don't see above, based on my own experience. I am 44 and happily married to a person I met at 18, and we have an 8 year old daughter. When we hit the same place you are in during our 20s (and nearly everyone does), we did open the relationship up. It was the right thing to do because we would have had secret flings otherwise. (In fact she had already had one by this time.) We had a rocky time of it for a while. We survived it. Officially the relationship is still an open one, although neither of us has acted on this for a good dozen years (at least to my knowledge :)). If either of us did have a fling at this point, it would likely have no consequences whatsoever, because that has nothing to do with the glue of our bond. The conclusion I would want you to reach is simply this: you probably will be unhappy if you never test the waters outside the relationship. You may also be unhappy if you do. But if the relationship is the right one, this is not going to cause a permanent breach.

Whats with all this 'open relationship' jazz. i know it's everyone's preference and all, and im probably just some hopeless romantic with unrealistic expectations...but i just dont understand, and every time i read about it it makes my heart sink a little...is this really the way the world works? why is it so rare to cherish something that really is the most pure, simple, and wonderful, beautiful thing.

Please stay with your girlfriend OP, if you truly love her in your heart, have a serious discussion with her where you can both safely express how you feel and not attack one another, compromise on being able to say whatever it is, unbiased, and to not really take anything to heart; its pretty therapeutic. go to couples counseling or something similar if you can, if it really comes down to that.

If you have found this amazing beautiful wonderful love that you have, that you have described in your post, and its yours and no one elses, and a love that you truly might only find one time on this earth and you really know it deep down, dont let it go. you'll alter the life of someone who cares about you so much and you might even live a lifetime of regret, alone. sex with a random woman isnt worth it, or betraying your loyalty to your girlfriend by seeking out someone else for 'fun' or whatever. it's like a test almost, of whether you would rather have true love, or this 'freedom'. Whatever it is that you seek, you can get right there with her im sure. she would probably give you whatever you asked. with compromise. even a little time a part does wonders, while remaining faithful to one another- go on a guys night out and get in touch with yr masculinity, call your dad if hes alive and spend time with him and bond with him , try a different position in the sack with your girlfriend, do something spontaneous together. youre probably in a routine rut or something. little tiny things that make a difference in the end.

just keep it simple, stay together, take it real slow at your own pace, and before you know it youre together for more and more years and then youll be '30'! stay loyal, make your relationship now whatever you would initially be trying to seek outside of her..a true love will compromise. im sure if you wanted anything she would give it, so just ask! take it at your OWN pace, and who cares who is asking you why youre not yet married its none of their business. you can just tell them you dont want to spoil the surprise or something silly like that. as long as you and your girlfriend know you love each other, and plan for it someday, thats real keen and swell and will definitely strengthen your bond.

.. i think that the bodies we're given here on earth, are meant to either experience one good thing, or many pleasures, depending on the person and their beliefs...i think deep down most people are in the end searching for love, as the root emotion that motivates most people to date, etc.. and if thats what you eventually want in the end, and you already have it dont let it go !

Communication skills and laughing and having good times are the most important things, and as you get older, the world will around you too, ..people you thought were so young and good looking age, peoples teeth fall out, they get receding hairlines, they have flaws too, just like you, just like the girl who's heart you will probably break if you left her for someone else, or just in general i think.

The body is just superficial. when you connect with someone truly, in their mind, body, heart, soul, thats something so special to be cherished for real, clearly only if its something you want, and your emotional and personal preference. because its not that way with casual sex, it will leave you feeling like shit if both people arent on the same page about it, and sometimes no one is really ever on the same page and someone is left feeling like garbage, used, empty, alone, confused?. Honesty, Loyalty, Monogamy, etc.. seem like the last of a dying breed today with people and how times change, its something i'll never be able to adapt to myself, but i really hope that my words can change something, and make it better in your life.

i think that 'seeing other people' and all that is kind of super played out- if you have what you want in the end, just forego all of the nonsense thats in between and be patient and grateful. none of this 'instant gratification i have endless options' nonsense. especially with technology and the internet. because for all you know, she could literally be your only best choice in your entire life, and you'd pass her up for meaningless nonsense and end up alone.

and if all of these people giving you generations worth of advice doesnt help you, and you still dont know what to do, then just take some time alone. not really to consult with anyone else, but just you this time, inside yourself. go to your favorite place, a quiet spot, relax yourself, and think, kind of meditate in a way, envision your life, and how it would be in a few years, can you see yourself dying next to her? growing old and growing through things with her, together and not apart? i hope so, i hope you dont cop out, i hope you stay and i hope you create a real love story, the kind that old people get to tell when they are old to inspire younger generations to have their own love story one day, and to help show them that things work out even when times are hard when its real true love. and since the stupid internet apparently lives forever, maybe one day when youre 80 you can show her this post and all the stuff people wrote back to you

i hope it works out for the best for both of you sincerely in my heart, because it breaks my heart to hear about breakups, and people going through such heartache.

p.s.) please forgive the intense grammatical mistakes, ie: blatant lack of punctuation, capitalization, as i am almost half asleep and just needed to type this to you

<3 peace and love to you and your girlfriend always

my testimony all thank to ayelala shrine i was in love with a girl name paulina i was deeply in love with her i have tried my best to get her,all my effort was nothing until i meant this man name Dr moon,i explain everything to him and he told me that my problem is solve but i ask him how is that possible he told me that i should not worry again and my problem is over that he is going to cast a spell on her to love me forever.to my greatest surprise within 3 days she came to me and tell me that she love me,i am very happy she is back to me thank you email to contact him EMAIL:[email protected]