Talking to Strangers: New York, NY

"She makes me nervous, which told me I must really like her..."

by Ben Kassoy

Lola, 27

Are you in a relationship right now? 
Yes.

How long have you been together? 
Uh, maybe five months. I'm sorry, I have a man's mentality, so it's hard for me to remember the time and date of things.

How did you meet? 
We met about five years ago, and I gave her my glove outside a venue. She was outside talking, and I noticed she wasn't wearing any gloves, and it was cold. I only had my gloves, so I gave her one of mine. She hasn't forgotten it to this day.

After you gave her your glove, what happened? 
We saw each other at different times for many years, before we had the opportunity to go on a date together.

So what was your first date? 
Technically, our first date was when she asked me to meet up with her after she was getting a mani and a pedi. We met up, and she had a scooter. I met up with her, walked with her, and then she showed me the sights and scenes even though I already lived in Chinatown, so I already knew all that stuff. We went to a special bar of hers for a couple drinks and then we took a walk, and then we both were trying to ride on the scooter together.

You rode on the scooter together? 
Right by the river, we rode the scooter together. It was like a walking scooter, a Razor scooter, yeah. And we almost fell a couple of times. That could have been disastrous. 

At what point did you know it was going to turn into something? 
I guess I kind of always knew. After five years, the same person always remembers that you handed them a glove — and that was our first meeting. I've never had that in my life. I did like her for a long time. I just went through so many life changes. You know how when you watch Forrest Gump, and you see how they're separated in different decades at different times of their lives? It was like we were both growing until we matured enough. And we're still growing.

What kind of growing and maturing did you do during that time? 
I had to stop being an asshole. 

We all have to stop being assholes. 
I think I was always a happy-go-lucky person, and then I went through a real down point in my life. And when I saw her, she was always like sunshine, and so I had to remember that that's okay. That it's okay have to have sunshine — not just this stern thing. You've got to be optimistic once in a while, and maybe the universe will listen to you more. I appreciate that from her.

When good things happen to you, it seems like the world is a good place. 
Yeah, it's nice to have these moments where you block out everything. It's like having your earphones on when all these things are going on on the subway, and all you hear is what you're listening to. It's like this moment of stillness.

When you think back on the last five months, what's been the best moment of the relationship? 
I met up with her, and we went for a walk at Battery Park. We were walking out of the park, and I was talking a lot, because I tend to do that when I'm really nervous. She makes me nervous, which told me I must really like her, because I'm rarely nervous, ever. So, I was talking, talking, talking — and she reached over and kissed me. I wasn't expecting that at all. And then she held my hand and was like, "Walk me to the subway." I was like, "Okay."

Michael, 22

What do you do? 
Jeez, I just lost my job today.

Wow, sorry to hear that. We don't have to talk about it. Are you in a relationship? 
No. Things come, things go. Let's just say, I had it good for a while. I had a job, I had about six people I was with at the same time. And then, everybody moved out of New York City, and then the last one started going out with this, like, idol rock star of mine, and it's been a terrible two and a half months since.

Before everyone left, how did that look? 
Just being able to call anybody on any day of the week, have them come by, and have intimacy and some sort of bond. It's hard to find somebody who's great, so having a lot of people is good. Everybody's a little different, and everybody has something to offer. I'm not saying I wouldn't be in a monogamous relationship, but it works out when you can hang around. It was great, but I feel like the ride's over, and I've got to move my life forward. Inevitably, the last girl, the one with the rock-star boyfriend, is the one who I'm actually pretty bummed about. Everyone else just moved. She's the only one who's still in New York. 

So, she's with a musician that you really like? 
She's with a musician who I'm absolutely obsessed with and I've been friends with for like, eight years. It sucks, you know. He's probably the most talented person I know. I know a lot of people who do a lot of interesting things, and this guy is like, number fucking one. I plug him to everybody, just because he was making great records. He made five great albums in a year — unbelievable albums — and it's like, jeez.

How did she get together with him? 
She kind of knew I was messing around with other people, and that was a problem, the fact that I didn't want to be in a monogamous relationship. But it sucks because she made a choice over me. Like, specifically, "I choose him over you." Straight up. We had been together on and off — it was a great thing we had.

So you were a fan and a friend of his? 
Yeah. I put out his first record, actually. Like, six years ago. And she's been in my life for about three years, and we'd been romantic for about a year. 

What did you do to try and get her back? 
Just tell her. I mean, I am who I am. But, he's fucking phenomenal, too, so it sucks. I started having these very lucid dreams. These crazy dreams, night after night. Unbelievable. I had these dreams where I'm holding this dude and singing one of his songs to him. It was so real. And then I see him at this anniversary show in real life. And I see her, and I talk to her. We were still in this weird thing; it was only three weeks after. He comes up to me and is like, "Yeah, man. Sorry things are what they are." And I was wasted, and I gave him a big hug, and it was like, "It's cool. It's fuckin' cool, don't worry about it." I've been bummed out since. I still am. I've been on the internet looking at their lives. As much as I can find of them, I've been obsessing over. I don't know, it's fucked. I don't know who I am. It's the most cliché thing to say, but you wake up every day with a stranger in your bed, and that stranger is you.

Cristina, 41

So, you're married? 
Nope.

You're not married? I thought you said you were waiting on your husband. 
Well, we've been together ten years, so I call him my husband.

How did you meet? 
Through a friend. We made out. We met at a Halloween party. This is kind of embarrassing.

What were you dressed as? 
Sleeping Beauty. I had a nightgown on.

And what was he dressed as? 
Nothing. He was just himself.

So, what was your first conversation like? 
Actually, we first met during 9/11. He worked down in Wall St., so we went down to see everything that had happened, like, two days after.

Wait, so you met him at Ground Zero or at a Halloween party? 
We got together at a Halloween party, but that was a month later. We met on September 13th.

What did you see at Ground Zero? 
Tanks. It was cloudy — it was horrible. It was like a war zone.

And what were your initial impressions of him when you were first down there? 
It was endearing. He was crying, obviously, because he'd known people who were in the towers. He was on the subway on his way to work that day, so he was saved. So it was hard, but I liked seeing that part of him. It was love at first sight. When I first saw him, I just had this vision of seeing him for the rest of my life. It was two different sensations, seeing the disaster and feeling this new feeling toward someone that you know it's going to turn into love.

What happened between then and Halloween? 
We didn't see each other until Halloween. He broke up with his girlfriend, and then we got together.

What was it like seeing him — 
After a month? Can you imagine, after a month of lusting after somebody, seeing them at a party?

So what happened that night? 
We made out, but nothing more than that.

And? 
And we kept going out, and then I moved in with him, and then we broke up. I moved in pretty much right away. We went out for about six months, then we decided it wasn't going well. We moved in together again in 2004, and that was it.

How were things different the second time you moved in? 
The time we were apart, we got to know each other really well as friends, and it changed. I think the love was always there, and we got to know each other as friends and we opened up. We were able to build a relationship that way. It was hard then, but it's been totally positive, because it was the first time I was able to open up with a man as a friend and as a lover. I was never a friend with any of my ex-love interests.
That's why we've been together for ten years, because we were friends, first and foremost.

Have you considered marriage? 
Yeah, we have, but we're kind of lazy. It's not a major issue. We're together. We're a family either way.