Talking to Strangers: Los Angeles, CA

Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

by Laurenne Sala

Adriana, 30

What do you do for work? 
I'm a freelance art director and a yoga instructor.

Does that get you laid? 
Nope.

Why not? 
'Cause I'm a prude!

Why? 
I guess I judge the idea of doing what I want to do.

Are you saying you're sexually frustrated? 
Yes!

Do you chew a lot of ice? 
Nope. But I chew a lot of gum.

When was the last time you had sex? 
About a month ago.

That's not so bad! With who? 
My ex-husband. Well... the divorce isn't final. We're separated for now.

How's that working out? I'm guessing you miss him if you're still sleeping with him?
Well, I sleep with him because I don't want to have another person under my belt!

How many people do you have under your belt now?
Three?

Are you sure? 
Yes, three. Sure.

Are you just waiting for the "right one" to make sure your numbers don't go up? What are you waiting for?
Maybe I'm waiting for an actual divorce. That might help me feel less weird about the whole thing. Technically, I'm still married, so it just feels weird. No... actually, I think I'm just waiting to stop judging myself for wanting to be with someone else.

Are you saying that you want to be a slut, but you feel bad? 
Yes!

So, if you weren't judging the word "slut," would you be one? 
Yes!

So all you need to do is let go of the stigma and then you'll start having sex with everyone? 
Probably.

How long you think that's gonna take? 
Too long.

How long were you married? 
We've been together for nine years. Married for six of those.

And you still like having sex with him? 
I do! It's amazing.

Wow! After nine years? What's the secret of being attracted to the same person for nine years?
We both just keep ourselves in shape. It's a total physical thing. The emotional connection is what's missing.

I always thought people stop seeing their significant other as attractive once they've known them for nine years. 
Nope. He's hot.

He's hot, but you're divorcing him to find an emotional connection. That takes courage, my friend. 
Yeah. Well... it'll be courageous when I stop sleeping with him.

Sean, 34

What do you do for a living?
I'm self-employed.

Does that help you meet a lot of women? 
Yeah. I make my own schedule, so I'm always out. Anywhere. The library. The club. Coffeeshop. Grocery store. Farmer's market.

That's a good one, the farmer's market. Do you have a pick-up line that you use? "Want to squeeze my banana? It's organic." No? I'm single. 
I don't ever use lines. I'm just myself. Different every time.

Are you dating someone now? 
Kind of. It's complicated.

You just haven't had "the talk" yet? 
No. It's just that she's perfect for me.

I'm not hearing a problem. 
Well... we both have these careers we're trying to pursue. And we love each other too much, so all we want to do is spend time together, and it's getting in the way of our dreams. Love is a distraction.

So, are you just trying to figure out the right balance so you can be in love and work on your careers? 
I don't think there is such a thing as balance. When you fall in love with someone, you can't control anything. If you try to control love, it'll just self-destruct. Love is natural. Love is spontaneous.

Why are you laughing? 
Because I just said that to her the other day, and she called me a "wholesome pimp." She says I always know the right things to say, but I swear it's not planned.

So, are you choosing work over love? 
It's not work. It's just that if we were to get married and have kids, it wouldn't work without us having solid careers. We would want to give our kids a great education. We'd want to have a really fun life. And we just don't have the resources right now.

Are you saying you don't have enough money to be in love? 
No. Love and money are two separate things. When you fall in love with someone, you want to spend the rest of your life with them. And it's not possible right now. I need to get things straight in my life, and love is holding me back right now.

So what are you gonna do? 
I don't know. We'll see. We could take the next six months to just work on our careers, but that's scary. Life is too short. I don't know where my head is at right now.

Good luck. 
Thanks. I love this woman more than any other woman in my life.

Emily, 22 & Chris, 25

How long have you been dating? 
Chris: We just got married.
Emily: This is our honeymoon!

Congratulations! How did you meet? 
Chris: I was running a young adults' church group, and we met through there. We're also both teachers and getting degrees, so I had seen her already and thought she was cute. I asked her out for ice cream.

How did you propose? 
Chris: When I went to her small town, she showed me a really special beach and told me it meant a lot to her, so I always remembered that and that's where I took her when I wanted to ask her. 
Emily: And he asked my dad and everything! He was a real gentleman. 
Chris: I asked her dad for permission in the bathroom. I followed him in there, but I waited until he was done at the urinal.

Did he wash his hands? 
Chris: Yes. He did. We both washed hands before shaking hands.

So what was the moment that you knew Emily was the one for you? 
Chris: I was working at a high school, and I had a very heavy workload. She would come in on the weekends and help me. I don't know if there was one specific moment, but I had a pretty good idea when I saw her at the library filing away books for me.

So, you love her because she helps you with your homework? 
Chris: Yes! In my family, love isn't just flowers. It's sharing the load.

What about you, Emily? How did you know Chris was the one? 
Emily: I think we had been dating for a couple of months when I went to Disneyland with my family. I missed him so much that I couldn't take it.

Did you guys have sex before marriage? 
Emily: No, we didn't! We waited.

So you're each other's firsts? 
Chris: No. She was my first. She had been with some people, but then she had a change of heart. In the Christian community, we say she "got saved."
Emily: In all my other relationships, it seemed like sex was a priority, and not love. So, when I got with him, I didn't want that anymore.

How long did you date before you got married then? 
Chris: One and a half years! It was really hard.

So, it's your honeymoon! How did it go? 
Chris: We're doing all right. We managed to mix it up.

Mix it up? You just started. 
Chris: You've got to mix it up! 
Emily: It's good.