Talking to Strangers: San Francisco, CA

Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we've just met.

Eri, 35

Is it harder to date in San Francisco than other places you've lived?
I think it's harder because American girls are less open than the girls I've met in Europe. I was in Stockholm, and girls there would catch your attention and buy you a drink. It was an equal exchange. Here the playing field isn't even like that.

So I imagine you've had a few bad dates. Any horror stories?
Not so much horror stories, just painfully one-sided dates. There was one I went on where I met up with a girl at the Elbo Room for some drinks and she spent the entire time talking about herself.

That is the worst.
Right! She didn't even interject a throwaway question like "How about you?" And trying to hear her over the music was just impossible. I finally tuned out when she started telling a story about her doing coke with some Brazilians.

What do you think is the way to a woman's heart?
I would say through her stomach. That or a nice apartment.

Have you ever been insulted by a girl in bed?
You know, I find that it's really hard to be insulted when you're both naked.

Fair enough. But there must have been an embarrassing moment, right?
Yeah. There was a girl who told me that she couldn't have an orgasm.

So, of course, the goal was set.
Exactly. So I went down on her and all of a sudden she thought she was going to come and she peed. An absurd amount. So much that I had to get a new mattress. It was a snow-angel stain on my mattress.

What happened to the girl?
I broke up with her. But a while later she showed up at my house to pick up a book or something and she brought her parents.

Awkward.
Yeah, the whole time I was thinking, "Your daughter peed on my face."

[Photo for Sarah and Sandra (regrettably) redacted]

Sarah, 25 

What do you do to pay the bills?
Well, it's not paying too much, but I'm a civil-rights lawyer.

How has dating in San Francisco been for you?
I've only been dating in the city for a little over five months. Before that I was dating in the East Bay, L.A., D.C., and Hawaii. I would say that dating here has been really easy for me. But that could be because I just came out right before I moved to the city, and gay dating here is like the easiest thing because its so concentrated to a few hot spots.

So how does that make it easier?
Since the crowd is so small, everyone knows one another, and if you see someone you're interested in, you can ask anyone and they'll tell you if the person is single or attached, and probably list off their whole dating history. In my first week of being in the city I was dating four people.

Has anyone ever done offended you in the bedroom?
Its hard to offend me in the bedroom! I'm pretty flexible. But I will say that I have been offended when guys have tried to sneak it in the back door before we had talked about it. There's enough stigma around anal sex that it should be discussed before tried. So when guys just go for it, I'm like "I'm sorry, what were you thinking?"

That sounds fair to me? Anything else?
Don't check your phone when you're having sex.

When's the last time someone did that to you?
Last night.

Do you have any other dating dealbreakers?
If I find out someone is a Republican, it's off.

Are there any sexual requests that you've made that have gone unfulfilled?
The last time my girlfriend and I had a moving van, I really wanted to have sex inside it, but she totally wouldn't.

Did you ask her before or after moving your furniture?
After.

There's your problem!
I know — next time it clearly has to be sex first then move the house. Priorities, right?

Sandra, 25

How long have you been dating in San Francisco?
Essentially my whole life. I'm a vet. I think it's hard to find someone you are compatible with here. There are a lot of people, but it's hard to find that match.

Do you have any first-date dealbreakers?
A girl needs to stay off her phone. I want her attention for the date, especially a first date. I also would like to pay. If a girl doesn't let me pay, it'll piss me off.

How long have you been in your relationship?
Five months, and we're moving in together this week. But my baby is leaving for a vacation tomorrow and will be gone for more than a week while I move our stuff to the new place. It'll only be like the second time we've been apart overnight.

How are you going to cope?
I'm going to be busting my ass working and moving and we'll video-conference a lot.

Since you'll be living together soon, will there be any changes? House rules?
Yeah, lots of sex!

Is there anything that you've always wanted to have happen on a date?
I'm pretty romantic, so I've done most the things that I've wanted to.

Where is the craziest place you've had sex?
The emergency room. I was in a car accident and my girl and I were on the gurney with the curtains drawn. My girl was the one who essentially jumped me, and we nearly got caught by the nurse when she came back. She apparently thought me in a neck-brace was hot.