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Five Stories: Post-Breakup Insanity

“It was ridiculous, immature, and downright spiteful. But at the time, it felt right.”

By Hooksexup Readers 

Men Seeking Men

Admittedly, this was probably an immature, ridiculous, and wholly spiteful thing to do after I broke up with my ex, Spence. But God, it was funny.

It was a couple days after we broke up, and I was changing my status of my Facebook profile and trying to untag pictures of him and me. Naturally that sucked me into surfing his profile just to play the obsessive what-is-he-doing-and-I-hope-he’s-in-a-ditch-game. To let you know, it was a pretty bad breakup, cheating was involved — or more bluntly, he cheated — so it did not help to see recent pictures of him in bars, partying, drinking, hanging all over random girls. And I know the way women deal with breakups is different than men do, but his way of dealing seemed to have extra douche-ocity thrown in. You’d think guys from the U.K. would have more class than guys in the U.S. but no, no, that whole manners thing does not go with the accent.

Admittedly, it was immature, ridiculous and wholly spiteful. But God, it was funny.

As I sat there looking at his pictures, I started to get upset. That led to anger, and that led to the sensible-at-the-time thought that I should do something really awful to him. He doesn’t own a car, so I couldn’t trash it, and I couldn’t go and toilet paper his building — his neighbors didn’t deserve to pay for his asshole-ness. Then I saw a link he posted about some place he and his shitty improv troupe were performing, and that got me thinking about how unfunny he is (he thinks he’s the missing member of Monty Python. Well, he’s missing something). And that, in turn, got me to thinking about how he always was playing sucky practical jokes on people. Well, two can play that game, buddy.

So after a shot (or four) of Jameson, and various encouraging texts from my friends, I went onto Craigslist and posted his ad in the “Men seeking Men” forum, and included his real phone number. Just to make it look real, I threw in a Halloween picture I still had from when he dressed up as Lady Gaga. I heard from mutual friends he ended up having to change his number because of it. It was glorious. And if it makes me the crazy ex-girlfriend, well, at least I’m not the lying, stinking, cheater. — Kim Phillip  
Submit to our next “Five Stories” contest! Unlikely First Meetings: Did you ever vomit on a girl at a party, only to end up dating her for six months? Drunkenly sleep with a guy who you told people was “just a rebound,” only to end up marrying him? We want to hear about it! , or send your story to .

Commentarium (55 Comments)

Mar 12 11 - 1:44am

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Mar 12 11 - 3:43am

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Mar 12 11 - 6:38am

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Mar 12 11 - 12:35pm

Another one who likes this series!

Mar 12 11 - 1:58pm

More of this please!

Mar 12 11 - 2:14pm

Love this feature.

Lindsey ( 4th story) is kind of a bitch. If I were a guy, I would stay away from her. Really just unnecessary and immature to pour red wine on the girl's coat.

Mar 12 11 - 3:54pm

I enjoyed reading this, but remember when Hooksexup actually had really good essays from real writers? and good fiction? This stuff definitely has a place too, but man, I do miss the days when Hooksexup was actually more than college kids submitting their stories of having sex for the first time two years ago and looking for validation from others about how lonely they are on "dating confessions."

Mar 12 11 - 7:59pm

Hooksexup runs lots of essays. also, shit's changed since 2001. i miss it too, but c'mon. don't just randomly begrudge change.

Mar 12 11 - 11:39pm

The personal essays section was and still is my favorite. Fortunately, there are a lot of essays and my memory is shit, so rereading some still makes things feel new and lovely.

Mar 13 11 - 3:23am

I completely agree, what I did was mature and unnecessary. But, I was hammered, and hurt and not thinking.
And, heartbreak inspires creativity. At least I got a good story out of it. :)

Mar 15 11 - 9:57pm

At least you were classy enough to not pour it on the outside of her white coat! Silver lining :)

Mar 13 11 - 3:24am


Mar 14 11 - 9:11pm

What happened between you and that guy after all that??

Mar 14 11 - 9:50pm

Both of us still doing our own stuff...
aka things between us are not good. I wish they were.

Mar 15 11 - 6:05am

I'm not entirely sure why I'd read these here instead of going to the bar with my friends and hearing the same stories, but, oh well.

also, I am glad none of these are by fat people. I still think fat people should stay in their houses and not be having sex that the rest of us find out about.

Mar 17 11 - 12:37pm
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Mar 18 11 - 5:02pm

yeah fuck lezley! @Big fatty

I LOVED Lindsay's story. I mean the goal was to relay bad behavior, right? Heh heh, yeah total bitch thing to do, but break-ups are the subject of many a news headline and tortured love song for a reason , right? Plus kudos for not 'fessing up. I totally would have ratted myself out on that one, in a moment of weakness, after a kiss.

Mar 21 11 - 1:18pm

What is very SAD is that if a man gets a lady prenaut with the LAW thats in NOW women canKILL that wonderful UNBORN child THAT has NEVER had a chance to be on earth or MEET his or HER mother INstead if a fight goes on and a break up gos they hurt there EX by Killing the CHILD they both wanted

Apr 13 11 - 10:52pm

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