We have long worried about the sex lives of World Cup soccer players. Should they have pre-game sex? Should they not have pre-game sex? Maybe it is okay to have pre-game sex, but only if it is not “acrobatic” pre-game sex — “regular” pre-game sex only, ruled Brazilian head coach Luiz Felipe Scolari. But apparently, our focus has been too narrow. The World Cup doesn’t just affect the sex lives of World Cup soccer players, says luxury sex toy brand LELO. The World Cup affects the sex lives of us all.
According to their numbers, men are more likely to present their lady-partners with sex toys right before a major sports event than any other time — 4 out of every 5 toys sold globally this week will be dudes buying gifts. In normal times, LELO says, their sales reflect a “typical 50/50 gender split,” and everyone buys sex toys in pretty equal numbers. In sporting-times, though, that changes: during the week prior to any major sports event, guys make up 72 percent of global sales.
LELO explains that this is because during major sports events, men, who like sports, won’t be as available for their partners, who do not like sports, so they buy fancy sex toys to win “brownie sports points” — “I can’t be here for you, honey, but please enjoy this vibrator.” (The majority of toys bought in the pre-game rush are meant for women to use solo.)
I guess this is nice? A nice thing? Maybe? Presents are great. Orgasms are also great. So as long as the guy’s team comes out on top (because the guy isn’t coming or on top, get it?), then everyone’s a winner.