Is the Unstoppable trailer supposed to be so funny?
1. Unstoppable
In the trailer that inspired this list, an unmanned freight train carrying hazardous chemicals is improbably on the loose traveling northward at fifty miles per hour. What will it kill first: a horse, schoolchildren, or Denzel Washington's career?
2. Armageddon
Up to second twenty-nine, you're thinking the only possible explosion in this movie is happening somewhere around Liv Tyler's cervix. But you're wrong.
3. Desperado
Gunslinging (even from a guitar case, ese!), explosions, and forced entry all in time with Tito Puente. How do you say WTF in Spanish?
4. Crank 2: High Voltage
An accented protagonist can't save every film, especially when it's an action movie about a man literally looking for his heart. On the bright side, there's a character named Poon Dong.
5. Anaconda
Jennifer Lopez is a scientific researcher who's traveled to the unknown Amazon to prove the existence of a long-lost tribe. And that's the believable part.
6. Passenger 57
A hijacker is caught and taken to trial… on a plane. Passengers, prepare yourself for bad puns, obvious plot lines, and a possible cameo by Kenny G.
7. Under Seige
Movie tagline: "Never underestimate the strength of a food-service professional when a battleship armed with nuclear weapons is hijacked."
8. Jurassic Park 3
Turns out, those long-clawed dinosaurs with a brain the size of a walnut are smarter than primates. Let's go to their island!
9. Double Team
This was originally a porno starring Dennis Rodman as RuPaul playing Dennis Rodman.
10. Double Impact
Van Damme times two! Double the fun! Van Damme plays twins! It's The Parent Trap with guns! Damme!