Love & Sex

Watch: The sublimely ridiculous infomercial for "Tajazzle," the confidence booster for your privates

By James Brady RyanDecember 16th, 2010, 9:50 amComments (12)

Question: How do you sell a product on TV when you can't actually explain (or, especially, show) what it does or how you use it? Answer: Creepy euphemisms with all the subtlety of a sock on the jaw. Which is why this infomercial for Tajazzle lets you know that the Tajazzle system will spruce up your "most intimate" places, like... your shoulder blades! Your toes! That place where your neck connects with your chest! Never feel bad about your inner calf again, ladies.

Come for the wording that calls to mind nothing more than Law & Order: SVU (like "special secret"), stay for the acting so stilted and wooden you'd swear this was a 30 Rock parody:

I know this video is fourteen minutes — and that's just part one! — but let me assure you that if you watch the whole thing, you enter a kind of fugue state in which the idea of a woman feeling more confident about her vagina because there's a crappy crystal butterfly tattooed above it becomes increasingly hilarious.

Comments ( 12 )

Okay, so I'm sitting in some skanky bar, with some skanky chica sitting on the barstool beside me.Then I notice that she's got her skirt hiked so far up her snatch is showing. Apparently, even better, she's got some faux glitter stapled to her, uhh, her what, exactly? Her clitoris? Her labia? Her sntach? Her bunghole? Even better, at the gym they're pulling their shorts down to show me. And for the guys out there not to be left out, you too can be fresh, dry and great.

Twolane commented on Dec 16 10 at 10:33 am

As a dude, the first thing I would think if a woman was excited to show me her Tajazzled muffin is how many other guys have seen or experienced her underpants disco party.

SR commented on Dec 16 10 at 11:21 am

I'd be thinking how unpleasant it might be to have a stray rhinestone under my foreskin.

GeeBee commented on Dec 16 10 at 11:52 am

@GeeBee: toughen up.

Twolane commented on Dec 16 10 at 12:03 pm

I can't... I just can't get past the 30second mark on the infomercial.

mw commented on Dec 16 10 at 1:49 pm

You know what I've often found myself thinking? "I don't know - I mean, this chick is pretty hot and interesting and everything -- but unless she's used a bedazzler on herself, I'm just not into it. If I get her naked and only see sweet, supple flesh - I'm out the door."

anon commented on Dec 16 10 at 2:39 pm

@Twolane, I love the idea of "faux glitter." what is real glitter then? I'm just imagining somebody giving someone a sparkly birthday card and saying, "When times get better, I'll get you the real stuff."

LM commented on Dec 16 10 at 3:24 pm

This is ideal for sending blunt messages to the TSA when you get X-Ray scanned at the airport. Just think of the possibilities!

meh commented on Dec 16 10 at 4:33 pm

Why aren't they showing TaJazzle's true market potential: equal opportunity employment?

James commented on Dec 17 10 at 12:47 am

Good lord, stop stroking that disgusting fake hair!

thinkywritey commented on Dec 17 10 at 9:28 am

Hilarious!

nana commented on Dec 17 10 at 3:44 pm

Imagine your surprise when you have a sparkling vagina! Or mangina! I got a mangina! I'm Old Greeeeeeegg!

Dizzle commented on Dec 19 10 at 1:20 am

Watch: The sublimely ridiculous infomercial for "Tajazzle," the confidence booster for your privates

Comments ( 12 )

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