Distraught birds and bears definitely mourning death of Kim Jong-Il

Everyone knows that that Kim Jong-Il was three things: film buff, preternaturally talented golfer and friend to all living things. So it's no surprise that news of Dear Leader's death has led to a period of grief and collective mourning among the fowl of the air and beasts of the field.

According to the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA):

"At around 17:30 on December 19, 2011, hundreds of magpies appeared from nowhere and hovered over a statue of President Kim Il Sung on Changdok School campus in Mangyongdae District, clattering as if they were telling him the sad news."

And that's not all. Last week KCNA reported that a family of bears left hibernation to do some bearish wailing on the subject, noting:

"The bears, believed to be a mother and cubs, were staying on the road, crying woefully."

Of course there are no photos or video of these stunning events but this isn't some two-bit blog reporting folks, it's the official North Korean state media. As for how these miraculous events (that definitely happened) happened, given North Korea's legendary mis-allocation of resources, I wouldn't put it past them to have trained magpies to clatter sadly and bears to weep for just this moment.

For more check out the Korean Central News Agency, a cutting edge news portal where the name of Dear Leader appears in an appropriately LARGER font than all other words and where you'll find all sorts of hard-hitting reporting and stories with titles like "Hundreds of Millions of People in World Mourn Demise of Kim Jong Il," that are definitely, officially, true.