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    From The Guinea Pig Diaries by A.J. Jacobs. Copyright © 2009 by A.J. Jacobs. Reprinted by permission of Simon and Schuster, Inc.

    It starts out innocently enough. My boss at Esquire tells me he's asked the actress Mary-Louise Parker to write an article.

    My boss tells me that I'll be her editor on the essay. The topic? Well, that's not clear yet. It's my job to talk to her and figure it out.

    So I e‑mail Ms. Parker (mentioning I'm a fan of her work, of course). She suggests she could write an essay about what it's like to be an aunt. That doesn't seem quite right for Esquire. She tosses out another couple of topics that sound like they'd put my boss into a stage three coma. I start to get worried.

    Well, Mary-Louise says, what about this: she could write an essay about what it feels like to pose naked. Now we're talking. I tell my boss — who asks the natural follow-up: will she pose nude for the magazine? The article would need art, after all. I call her back. She agrees.

    I have to restrain myself from getting down on my knees and making a burnt offering to this woman. She has just guaranteed my holiday bonus.

    I'm about to hang up and tell my boss the good news. But before I can, Mary-Louise has one little — by which I mean deeply disturbing — request.

    "I was thinking," she says, "that as the editor of the piece, it would make sense for you to appear naked as well."

    "I thought maybe I should choose the photo of you that

    "I was thinking," she says, "that as the editor of the piece, it would make sense for you to appear naked as well."

    runs," Mary-Louise continues. "So you can really experience that loss of control and possible objectification."

    I can't remember exactly how I reacted to this. But Mary-Louise — in the essay she wrote later — gives a description that sounds pretty accurate. She wrote:

    I was met with some sputtering and somewhat choked, mortified laughter, the way people laugh when they feel suddenly light-headed, or when they view something both compelling and grotesque, like, say, two cats having sex, or a child vomiting into his Easter basket. [A.J.] said he would get back to me.

    I'm relatively new to Esquire, and don't have the Hooksexup to say no. So a few days later, I find myself in a cab on the way to the studio with the magazine's design director, who keeps assuring me that there will be nothing edible on my solar plexus and no Mapplethorpian whips in my orifices.

    In the dim, hangar-sized studio, they pour me chilled
    photo: Nigel Parry
    sauvignon blanc, put on a Norah Jones CD, hand me a white terry-cloth robe, and apologize for not having a fluffer. Everyone has a good laugh at that one.

    They still have to adjust the lighting. So I pace back and forth in my robe. When I'm nervous, I often put my hands in my pockets. This time, I have no pockets. I ease myself onto a round, red cushion (which I hope has been dry-cleaned since the last photo shoot), cross my legs, and try to look dignified.

    The photographer is a kind, salt-and-pepper-haired Scotsman named Nigel Parry.

    He keeps telling me to relax.

    I concentrate really hard on relaxing.

    "Try to relax yer face," he says. "You look like yer constipated."

    The thing is, it's not really a relaxing situation. In addition to Nigel and his camera, the room has five assistants and a couple of random onlookers. I can't help but notice that all of them are wearing clothes. Whereas I'm not. The balance of power is radically off-kilter.

    Comments ( 9 )

    Sep 10 09 at 10:40 am
    EE

    I'm actually quite impressed that A.J. Jacobs wrote a piece for Hooksexup. He's the highest profile author that I've read here.

    Sep 10 09 at 2:48 pm
    DDD

    Just another reason to absolutely adore Mary Louise Parker. I love that she's feisty enough to demand this. Billy Crudup is a bleepin' idiot.

    Sep 10 09 at 11:30 pm
    lil

    this makes me want to pose nude. in grainy black and white...

    Sep 11 09 at 10:14 pm
    LkR

    Aww, no weenie shot? Rip-off.

    Sep 11 09 at 11:15 pm
    ajp

    he didn't write FOR Hooksexup i actually remember reading this 4 odd years ago in esquire.

    Sep 19 09 at 10:30 am
    DMT

    LOVELY.

    Dec 03 09 at 6:43 pm
    deli

    I love this book. It's hilarious. More men should pose nude so they know what it feels like!!

    Dec 31 09 at 6:34 pm
    AR

    It's too bad A.J. can't write to save his life. Maybe he should go back to reading the entire dictionary.

    May 05 10 at 1:47 pm
    geebee

    A Scotsman called Nigel? Must be a typo.

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