What do you do for a living?
I am an MC, human beat-boxer, and live-concert host.
Has that ever got you laid?
As a matter of fact, it has.
Do tell.
The craziest story I have took place in Shanghai, China. I was actually at a club as a resident, and the nightclub put us up in a house as opposed to a hotel. So one of the nights I get done with my set, and one these ladies kept flirting, and flirting, and flirting. I'm like cool, whatever, I'm working, I'm doing my shit. So I get done about three o'clock in the morning. I get in the house about five, and like all the lights were off — but they were on when we left. I was like, oh shit, somebody broke into the house. So I'm turning the lights on and checking what's going on and I go in my bedroom and there is this young lady, naked, in my bed waiting with candles! I'm like what the hell?
Did you know her?
No, I did not know her. I'm like yeah, no, this is work, this is a black man in an Asian land and I'm American; shit can happen. I don't want to be Michael Fay, that's all I'm saying. So I'm like, "You gotta go." She said no and just dropped to her knees and started blowing me right there in the middle of the room. And I'm like maybe...
Maybe you can stay.
Maybe you can stay for a second. And then I'm like, you know, maybe I can get in, get off, get done. So I'm like, the least I can do is buy you breakfast or something. And she's like, ugh, no no, and got up, put her clothes on, and left. I was like, before you leave at least take some of this: I tried to give her some mouthwash. At first she tried to refuse it, but I was like no, you need to take this. So she took a few swigs, gargled, and spit, 'cause I don't need a Tiger Woods walking around in China as the result of a blowjob.
Did you ever find out where she came from?
It turns out someone who didn't like her had sent the girl to my place to try to get me "caught up," so it got nipped in the bud and a few days later I found out who.
What do you like in a lady?
Above all, intelligence, a sense of humor. After that it gets physical. I love long hair, a beautiful face — size or body type does not matter to me. I'm attracted to faces and hair. I'm not a booty man, but after that I'm into titties. Ds are better; I like to motor boat.
Do you have a weakness? Is there something where you are like, "Oh fuck, I'm going to fall for this one."
A woman who loves the Philadelphia Eagles, that's it. I'm from Philly originally. If she can name a player pre-Randall Cunningham — if she was like, "Bill Bergey was the shit" — I would be like, fuck, you know about Bill Bergey? Shit, oh oh oh. My knees would get weak and all of a sudden I would be like, I don't know what we are doing, but I have to fuck you right now. Who cares if we are in public.
Have you ever hard especially good dates or bad dates?
Not ones I'm about to indulge. Let's just say Seattle, Washington, is a great city.
So what do you do for a living?
I work at the mall.
Does that get you laid at all?
No. Well, I get numbers, but only from really creepy old guys. But it's not a sexy place for me.
What do you do when a guy gives you a number?
We keep it and prank-call them later.
What does do it for you?
Personality. They have to be funny and they have to hold a conversation.
Have you had any really good dates?
One time a guy bought me a muffin. It was my favorite, blueberry.
Did you hook up with him?
Yes, just for that muffin, yes, I did.
How did that happen — did he take you out?
He didn't really take me out. We were just at Dunkin' Donuts and he got me a muffin.
Did you give him your muffin?
Ha, yeah, I kind of did. It was a muffin of love!
What does a guy have to do to impress you?
Um, if he has a car, I guess I'm impressed by that. If he has a job I'm double-impressed. That's like the saddest thing I've ever said.
Have you ever offended anyone in the bedroom?
Probably. I've said things I shouldn't, like making jokes about his penis.
What kind of jokes can you make about a man's penis?
You know, like "Aww, that's cute." Once I was like, is that real? And he was like, yeah, and I was like, wow. He was nicknamed "Thumb" for the rest of his life. Everyone called him it, even people he didn't know. I ruined that poor boy's reputation.
Do you have a favorite hook-up story?
I don't know, maybe a threesome.
How did that happen?
Well, I was drunk, and I had liked this guy for a while. Then he came back from Florida and I kind of threw myself at him and then my friend did, too.
Are you guys still friends?
Me and the girl are. The guy's a scumbag.
What do you do for a living?
I am training at a French bank.
Does that get you ladies?
I am with someone for two years now.
What do you like about ladies?
You mean physically? Physically, good looks. Other stuff: if she is funny and we feel comfortable.
Where's the craziest place you've had sex?
My girlfriend's dining-room table in front of the Louvre. She lives by it and there are a lot of people outside.
Do you think people saw?
You can easily see inside, but I don't know if anyone saw.
Was that part of the thrill of it?
At first no — but after a while you kind of notice.
  
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AK commented on 12/10But I would probably do Bruno anyway
EB commented on 12/10I haven't read your article but I was wondering if Hooksexup laughs while it asks these deeply personal questions. Some people do.
EE commented on 12/10A lot of these people seem like they're name dropping when they're talking about places in Europe ... "the Parthenon in Greece," "in front of the Louvre" ... I know two of the people are from Europe, but what's Laura's excuse?
PO commented on 12/10I hate Antwat. I'm not sure why. He seems like a French republican to me. Maybe I just need to eat something.
dj commented on 12/10Maybe you need to eat some Antwat. mmmmmm.....
UR commented on 12/10Drez and Milaka are interesting characters, the french dudes are boring and quite annoying. Laura is Kind of cute, I don't really care for Sara
itr commented on 12/10Sara is interesting to me. She seems straight and yet wild at the same time. Thoughts?
LM commented on 12/10"A lot of these people seem like they're name dropping when they're talking about places in Europe" Maybe they have Roman hands and Russian fingers...
CEC commented on 12/10I'm trying to think what I would do right now for a blueberry muffin... Like PO I, too, need something to eat.
CJ commented on 12/10Maybe they should interview actual adults and not people just emerging from adolescence.
GD commented on 12/10This Dres Tha Beatnik. That's some life. I gotta get into that whole spittin' rhymes racket.
RB commented on 12/10Why are the prettiest boys so dumb and also boring? Bankers who like skinny girls with ass and tits? Seriously.?
aa commented on 12/10seriously. interview ppl who have been around the block.not nineteen year crackers.
EJE commented on 12/10I think the interviews were done in France - that would explain the "place-name dropping". This series was fun - there were some interesting perspectives. I agree with EB - I can't imagine asking strangers questions like this!
IAB commented on 12/10Does anybody else thing that Bruno looks like a male Hermione Granger? And I like how they spelled Antwan like that. Makes him look like even more of a douchebag.
IMW commented on 12/10Sometimes the interviewees are a little older; last time at least half were 30+. Mostly a bunch of babies this time around, though, which explains why they aren't so interesting.
JJM commented on 12/10Dres Tha Beatnik is fucking AWESOME. And that lighter? Sick photo.
KT commented on 12/10"How do you impress a woman." "I get naked." Ya gotta love the French.
ON commented on 12/10Bruno=Douchebag
ON commented on 12/10Bruno=Douchebag
c commented on 12/10Dres Dres Dres. I'd let you undress me. Problem is you'd find an A cup.
c commented on 12/10Although the fact that he even considers that someone would try to impregnante herself from the fruit of a blow-job shows him to be a tad paranoid? Then again, given the circumstances... Mouthwash as contraceptives. New. Interesting. Weird.
BAS commented on 12/11I'm with c. Like the Chinese girl had turkey baster in her hand bag. I can think of an easier way to get pregnant than giving a boy a blow job.
COM commented on 12/13I love the fact that the pub behind Laura is called Bull McCabe.
L commented on 12/14I find Dres just as affected as Antoine. Only it's cool to be a black rasta guy and not a white banker.
Go commented on 12/15Oh man Dres... BRAVO!
JLS commented on 12/15Laura and her bf are my best friends. They traveled Europe together this summer. Thats her excuse. <3
RCM commented on 12/15I would do it with you on a log!
DTB commented on 01/12@C, GD & BAS... This is DRES... I know that it's crazy to read, just imagine how crazy it was to actually be in the experience!! LOL!! I'm not a Black Rasta... don't let the Hat fool Ya... LOL!! That was a great Man-On-The-Street Interview. Glad to be able to do it... You guys and everyone else that cares to watch can see the rest of My trip to NYC here... https://thebeatnikchronicles.blogspot.com/2010/01/beatnik-chronicles-followthehat-nyc.html The Series is called The BEATnik Chronicles - FOLLOWTHEHAT (NYC) Edition. take care You guys!!
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