"Tell me something - When the lights are out do you still shine like a star?"
In the middle of an otherwise friendly non-sexual conversation she says, "You know, you're very sexy." I offer a fake laugh and a lame half-hearted thanks. She reiterates,"Yeah, you're very sexy."
Unsuccessful Pickup Lines
"Got any registered sex offender in you...?"
"Get in the van"
"Hey baby, how bout you sit on my lap and I'll touch you like Santa did?"
He says "love, I'd love to get into your knickers" she says "No thanks, one arsehole is enough for me!"
"I sure like a girl who can parallel park."
The worst pickup line that a guy has ever said to me- "Your bum, my face". Obviously, this one didn't work. - chantel
"you look tired...how bout you come take a nap at my place" - nate
"awh man, I just pooped my pants a little... you're not into that? are you?"
9 out of 10 times this won't work... that one time you better hold on!!
him: "hey, you like apples?"
her: "yes"
him: good, cuz I am going to flip you over, fuck you in the ass and cum on your back, how you like them apples?"
"I've got a shovel & two bags of lime in my trunk, wanna fuck and help me dig a shallow grave?"
Some drunk guy at a club came up to me with this one: "Hey, my phone doesn't work.. can I use yours? Then can I have your number?" - Crum
"Nice shoes, wanna f*ck?"
"Excuse me miss, are you a feminist?"
"Yes, why?"
"Because I'd like to backlash your booty like you were Susan Faludi."
The previous exchange, which actually happened to me at the Science Museum in Boston a few months ago, was initiated with gentlemanly aplomb by a (supposedly) twenty-five-year-old MIT graduate student. I was wandering through the history-of-film exhibit when he glided toward me and posed his query with a rasping tone. His supreme self-confidence and utter suaveness — not to mention his deadpan expression — was just astounding, as was his ear-to-ear grin at my subsequent inability to make a witty rejoinder. I stared at him before walking away. He followed me, telling me of his graduate student status, and asking if I would be interested in participating in his "study," or, failing that, to go out to dinner with him that night. This all sounded highly dubious, but to soften the blow of turning him down, I mumbled something like, "At least your women's-studies course hasn't gone to waste."
Somehow, I don't think he believed me. — Elizabeth
Not for nothing, but that line is stolen from MC Paul Barman, the Jewish Ivy League rapper extraordinaire.
Back when I was in high school and going to all-ages clubs, I had a Navy sailor (about nineteen years old) tell me he was disease free. — Christine Hathaway
I was at a club to see the Donnas around the time of their second record. I saw the drummer walking around before the show, so I walked up to her and said,
"Hey! I saw you at that Scorpions concert last night."
"What? What are you taking about?"
"Yeah, I saw you there because you rock me a hurricane!"
She laughs. "Hold on. Don't move." She runs over to the merch booth and gets two of the other girls. "Quick, tell what you just told me."
I said it again, and they all laughed at me.
Me and the drummer girl never hooked up.— E. Casey Leydon
"Were both your parents retarded? Because you seem like a special girl to me."
(I have NEVER used this nasty line. I have seen it be inflicted on a poor girl by a frat boy in Atlanta. Yikes.) — Rusty Halo
Your daddy must have been a burglar, because he stole the stars from the sky, and put them in your eyes. Also, he's being led away in cuffs.
ummmm, sorry about that.
...
AWKWARD!' "— Put-down artist
I heard this one from a friend of mine while living in Texas. She said it was the lamest she'd ever heard: "Damn, that's one lucky pair of Wranglers!"
"I feel terrible telling you this, but if you invite me to the party I may not be able to come"
"Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans."
"Human head wieghs 5 pound....can i see your vagina." I was bored, girl would stop staring at me, so I thought I'd make it fun.-JohhnyDamage
(Stare at her until she says "What!?!") It isn't just gonna suck itself. -Kevin M
"You don't sweat much for a fat bird."
A guy at a bar walked up to me (we both had black eyes, mine from bumping into something in the dark) and told me he got his in jail fight where he just got out of, all this while trying to put his arm around me!
"Don't scream"
Guy asks me to dance ... I like the song, so I say sure. Out on the dance floor, Loser Boy leans over and says "I like to watch your titties bounce." Honestly ... titties? Is this ninth grade? I threw my hands in the air and walked off the dance floor, shaking my head.
-
This girl approached me at a bar and started up a conversation. While we are talking, a Springsteen or Bon Jovi song comes on. At some point I mention that I'm from Jersey.
Her: "Oh, 'sorry,' you're from Jersey?!? Haha. What, uh, 'turnpike are you on the highway?'"
Me: "You mean 'What exit are you on the Parkway?'"
Her: "Right. That."
Me: "Get the fuck away from me."
then i punched her in the mouth and smacked her in the face with my 5 inch cock
If you're gonna try and dis' me, at least get it right, bitch. I didn't care if she was the hottest thing on the planet. Girl better have some sharp wit.
-
As a blonde American girl in Italy, I received a number of truly terrible pickup lines. Here's my favorite: (works best if delivered in sleazy Italian accent): "So, we have the sex now, yes?"
"If I gave you my number, would you call me?"
"When can I see your beautiful face next to my face?" ( It's not the accent, and yes I date outside of my face...but dude I just want to pay for my fuckin gasoline.)
I said this to the cashier at the mc donalds I was ordering at: "hey, Can I have some hotcakes?" "what?" "Can I have some of YOUR hotcakes? Cause your hot and your cakes!" he gave me free gherkins so I guess it kinda worked :) ----- MY NAMES LAURA MILLER