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Joe, 28

What would you do if your significant other suggested that the two of you visit a swingers' club?
I'm not so sure that would be for me. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I'm kinda more about being with my significant other, and her only. If I'm unable to keep it spicy enough on my own, then there's something wrong.

Which jazz instrument best represents the tone you like to set on a first date?
Upright bass, I think. Smooth and consistent, but able to throw in a few surprises along the way.

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Usually, the bass is pretty clear about what it's doing and leads others in the right direction. A good bass player makes things very comfortable. The bass to me is the foundation of a jazz group, and it's important to set a good foundation of things to come in a relationship.

I feel as if my man doesn't pay attention to me. He's constantly forgetting plans we've made or things I've said five minutes earlier. He jokes that it's his ADD. I'm still hurt, because I feel as if it's a sign that he doesn't care. Am I overreacting?
He's either a huge space cadet or he really doesn't care. Either way, I think there is no excuse for that! Maybe it's because I tend to pay great attention to detail and remember almost everything, but he's got to pay attention more.


The girl I'm seeing makes significantly less money than me so, naturally, when we go out, it's always my treat. I'm not made of money, though, and my wallet is starting to feel the strain. Do you have any ideas for cheap but unique dates?
Why not make dinner once in awhile, but make entirely too much food? It may cost you just as much for the evening, but you will leave yourself with meals for the next three days, which will save you dinero in the end! I've only met a couple of girls who didn't love the idea of me cooking for them! Afternoon picnic in the park. Sounds corny to guys, but girls may see it as cute/romantic. You can do it with lunch meat and a couple of rolls!

Back when my girlfriend and I were still living with our parents, we had sex on a fairly regular basis, despite the necessity for door locks and quickies. Now that we've moved in together, she's never in the mood. I'm beginning to think it was the thrill of possibly getting caught that revved her engine. How can we make sex exciting again?
If it's the thrill that she's missing, maybe try doing it in "strange" places, where you would still run a small risk of getting caught but hopefully not arrested! In a changing room at your favorite store, or in a random room or closet at an event. I don't really have any experience with that kind of stuff, but maybe that's because I'd be too scared to get caught!


Yoon, 36
yoonsunchoi.com


Jazz musicians are known for their improvisational skills. How do you improvise when a date goes wrong?
Sorry to disappoint, but jazz musicians have as much trouble improvising as anyone else when they're away from their instruments. I do remember being one month shy of eighteen and getting kicked out of an attempt to see a restricted movie. My date and I ended up at some ridiculous film — Police Academy 5, maybe? — and made fun of it the whole time. Good times.

You've got rhythm. . . you've got music. . . you've got a hot date. . . who can ask for anything more? If you were to put together a survival kit for your night on the town, what would it include?
The great advantage to being a woman is being able to carry a handbag filled with survival tools. I would bring condoms, a travel-size toothbrush and toothpaste, hairbrush, perfume, fully charged cell phone to text your best friend about how hot your date is, Advil in case you wake up hung over and realize you've made a terrible mistake, and enough cab fare to get you from Bay Ridge to Washington Heights. 'Cause you might want to get away quick!

What would appear on your ultimate playlist of seduction?
Actually, I wouldn't put any jazz on my playlist. I would get distracted and start listening to the music instead of focusing on my date. But for all those non-jazz musician folks, I would suggest selections from John Coltrane's "Blue Train," Chet Baker's "It Could Happen To You," Bill Evan's "Alone," Antonio Carlos Jobim's "Elis & Tom," and João Gilberto's "Live in Montreaux," just to get things started.

The girl I'm seeing makes significantly less money than me so, naturally, when we go out, it's always my treat. I'm not made of money, though, and my wallet is starting to feel the strain. Do you have any ideas for cheap but unique dates?
On a jazz musician's salary, I have an abundance of experience finding cheap ways to spend the evening. A lot of the museums in Manhattan and Brooklyn usually have a freebie night. The first Saturday of the month, the Brooklyn Museum is free and they have tons of free concerts and events happening. The Museum of Natural History has jazz concerts and it's usually pay what you can. There are tons of jazz performances that are very cheap — a lot of the time, it's either no cover or pay-what-you-can. On the warm nights, you could take your date for an evening walk on the Brooklyn Bridge, share your iPod headphones, and dance real close.

I have a serious, live-in boyfriend, but find myself flirting with men at work. Is it a sign that the relationship I'm in is not the right one? When do flirty e-mails and lunches-for-two cross the line into emotional-cheating territory?
Flirting with other men doesn't mean your relationship is the wrong one. We all feel attraction to other people, and that's cool. But does your boyfriend know you're this way? If not, and he'd be upset, it sounds as if the cost of behaving this way is secrecy — and that's not cool.

My man likes trashy reality TV, but I'd rather be watching the Cartoon Network. How do we resolve this problem? And what does this say about our compatibility?
Why do you need to resolve it? My husband and I rarely agree about that stuff and we're happy as clams.



        




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