Laura, 30 Volunteer with the Obama campaign in Philadelphia
I've been on three dates with a guy who seems really into me, but he hasn't tried to sleep with me. Do you think he's being a gentleman or is he just not that into me?
It depends on if he seems interested in another date. My boyfriend didn't even try to kiss me on our first date. On our second he was a perfect gentleman; he tried to kiss me on the cheek and I was petrified. But then he asked me out again so I knew he was interested. But I assumed he either wasn't attracted to me or was gay.
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And it took a while for us to even kiss.
I met a really cute guy at a bar last week. We had really great conversation, then made out a little. But I found out by looking at his Facebook page that he's conservative. I'm a staunch liberal, and have vowed to never date Republicans, but I really like him. Should I give it a try?
Ugh. [laughs] I would say give it a tryyyy. . . Maybe go out and see what it's like. And I would do a little digging and ask a few questions and find out how conservative he really is and then go from there. I've met some younger guys who've voted Repulican and say they're conservative, but when I talk to them it becomes clear they're still carrying around their parents' politics. They haven't really discovered their own beliefs yet. So I'd definitely feel it out.
I'm in-between apartments, sleeping on friends' couches, but I'm going on a date with a girl I want to take home this weekend. Would it be too shady to take her back to a hotel? It depends on the girl. But you risk making her feel like a whore. I would explain the situation and if she's clearly interested in going home with you, I'm sure she wouldn't be that opposed to it.
The guy I've been seeing for a few weeks hasn't replied to my last email, but has updated his Facebook status since then. Should I be worried?
I'd be worried. Clearly he's been online and had access to a computer and had free time on his hands if he's updating his Facebook status. You can try engaging him on Facebook if he seems to be really available to that. If that doesn't work, don't send another email.
I went on an amazing first date with a guy. It was obvious to both of us we'd really hit it off. I didn't think I was going to sleep with him, but I did, and now I haven't heard from him in two days. Could it be because I slept with him?
I don't think that the no-sex-on-the-first-date rule necessarily applies anymore. He might just be trying to give you the idea he's playing it cool.
Eric C. Stroker, 26 Field organizer in North Dakota and Wisconsin and Selectman in Morris, CT
What has working on a campaign taught you about relationships?
That there are no rules. And it changes some people for the better because it makes them more open and gregarious and open to interact with people. All of a sudden that kid who went to a small liberal-arts school in upstate New York gets thrown into a big city halfway across the country, and he can come out of his shell differently because he's with these people non-stop. Maybe he gets into a relationship in the campaign and when he goes back to his real world he's going to see a girl and think, "Why not? I have that impulsive nature now."
I'm in-between apartments, sleeping on friends' couches, but I'm going on a date with a girl I want to take home this weekend. Would it be too shady to take her back to a hotel?
Yes. I wouldn't ever suggest that. Unless it's a really fancy, nice hotel. But even then it's a waste of money. Just be honest and tell her you're crashing on a buddy's couch. If you're on the campaign and staying with people, you don't want to take a girl back to the couch of a host family, but if you're staying with a friend or another campaigner, that's just your life. If it's a dealbreaker, maybe you're better off without that person.
I'm a girl who always offers to split dinner on a first date, but I'm pretty broke lately. Is it okay to let a guy pay without putting up a fight? Let him know things are tight. And if dinner was $50 and you have $10, offer to buy dessert or coffee or a drink after. You're not spending as much as you would if you split the check, but you're still making the gesture.
The guy I've been seeing for a few weeks hasn't replied to my last email, but has updated his Facebook status since then. Should I be worried?
Boys and girls were able to get along and make sweet love and babies for thousands of years without email and text messaging. So to let that stuff be some kind of issue is just foolish. Maybe you need to readjust your priorities. If you're that worried about a guy contacting you, call him.
I've been dating a guy for two months. It's been nothing short of amazing. He just got a job offer in another city. He wants to continue our relationship long-distance but I'd rather just move with him. How do I tell him that without sounding like a creepy stalker? Maybe he doesn't want you to abandon your life just because something is changing for him. But if you're willing to relocate and move, just say, "Hey, I think this is great and we've been having an amazing time. If you want to keep this thing up, I'm willing to relocate." It's definitely a good way to judge the relationship. You put everything on the table. Just be prepared for the fact that he might not want that. He might want to see what's it's like in a new city and see if he can find something new or different or better. Or maybe he just wants to explore without worrying about anything other than the new job and the new place.
Norah, 26 Field organizer for the Democratic primary in Las Vegas, NV and Flagstaff, AZ
What's the best way to pick up an Obama campaigner?
Volunteer. Campaigners never have time to date anyone they don't see in the office. Bonus if you shower and dress in clean clothes. No one in the office has time to do that.
What has working on a campaign taught you about relationships?
For one thing, you can't date someone who doesn't understand campaigning. But in the real world, it taught me that there are a lot of men in their mid-to-late twenties who are very driven and motivated to succeed. Eighteen months ago, I thought they were all jerks.
I met a really cute guy at a bar last week. We had really great conversation, then made out a little. But I found out by looking at his Facebook page that he's conservative. I'm a staunch liberal, and have vowed to never date Republicans, but I really like him. Should I give it a try?
Yes, definitely. As long as you can come to a mutual respect when it comes to politics. Agree to disagree. Unless he spent the whole night talking about reversing Roe v. Wade, it really shouldn't be a deal breaker.
The guy I've been seeing for a few weeks hasn't replied to my last email, but has updated his Facebook status since then. Should I be worried? Yes. Working on campaigns taught me that when you really want something, the best way to get it is to continually call until you get it, whether it's an endorsement or a date.
I went on an amazing first date with a guy. It was obvious to both of us we'd really hit it off. I didn't think I was going to sleep with him, but I did, and now I haven't heard from him in two days. Could it be because I slept with him?
It could be. Or it could be that he's busy. The worst thing to do would be to freak out about it. It's better to play it cool, ignore that it happened for a couple more days and then call him to see if he'd like to join you and friends for happy hour. If he doesn't respond, he's not worth pursuing. If he does, then maybe you have something.
Ben, 27 Field organizer for the Obama campaign in Illinois
I met a really cute guy at a bar last week. We had really great conversation, then made out a little. But I found out by looking at his Facebook page that he's conservative. I'm a staunch liberal, and have vowed to never date Republicans, but I really like him. Should I give it a try?
I believe passion overcomes politics. If you can feel it, who cares what you think about it? In the greater scheme of things, it's good for people in relationships to argue, unless those arguments get too heated.
I'm a girl who always offers to split dinner on a first date, but I'm pretty broke lately. Is it okay to let a guy pay without putting up a fight?
If that question were flipped, I'd be able to answer it better.
Okay. I'm a guy who always offers to split dinner on a first date, but I'm pretty broke lately. Is it okay to let a girl pay without putting up a fight?
Between campaigns, cash flow often runs short. I guess it's okay to let the girl pay, but I'd still put up a fight, even if I didn't have the money. But it depends on the type of fight. On the first date, you need to put up an actual legitimate fight. In fact, I fight to pay for it myself even if I can't or shouldn't. But that's a stubborn pride in me. Future dates, we can split it or she can take it, because in the circle of life it all balances out. I really hope you'll link to the Lion King song here.
Done. In a new city for the first time, what's the best way to meet someone for some quick action? Use your network. I don't move to a town without figuring out if I know someone from there. Then I say, "Hey Kyle, you're from Chicago. Do you know anyone fun there to hang out with?" Kyle introduces you to Stephanie. He's also calling Stephanie, saying you should meet Ben. Before you know it, you have a date and drinks, and then it starts raining and you guys are making out in a playground.
The guy I've been seeing for a few weeks hasn't replied to my last email, but has updated his Facebook status since then. Should I be worried?
No. Checking Facebook takes five seconds. Responding to an email takes a lot of thought. You want to be witty but you don't want to be too smart. You want to relate and make her laugh without putting her down. It's a juggling act. Checking Facebook is cheap and easy.
I went on an amazing first date with a guy, it was obvious to both of us we'd really hit it off. I didn't think I was going to sleep with him, but I did. And now I haven't heard from him in two days. Could it be because I slept with him?
Relax. How many people are out there processing this three-day-wait bullshit? Even those people who don't want to believe it still think, "It's Sunday, I can't call her yet." If it's been a week, start stressing. If it hasn't, fucking chill. But if I slept with a girl I'd call her within two or three days. Or, as she's leaving the next morning I'd say, "Hey, why don't you come back tonight?"
Interviews by Emily Farris. Dating Advice From... appears on Fridays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to .
It depends on the girl. But you risk making her feel like a whore. I would explain the situation and if she's clearly interested in going home with you, I'm sure she wouldn't be that opposed to it.
