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    Patrick, 27

    You engineers always have a contingency plan, right? How do I bail out of an obviously unsuccessful date?

    Be freakin' honest. If the date is obviously unsuccessful, talk about it. If your date is just nervous or skittish, take a moment to give him a chance. This shows how human you are and ends the notion of such a pretty girl being an unobtainable anomaly. Be very clear about whether you're willing to date/meet/speak/hang out anymore. Establish the level of contact you want. Be nice.

    I have a really tight-knit group of friends, and my man doesn't seem comfortable around them.


    How can I help him feel like a true part of my posse?

    The engineer derives comfort from unchanging physical principles. People, especially women, change all the freakin' time. You are the leader in this domain. The engineer is likely putting himself in the situation as an observer. Take his hand and physically lead him from conversation to conversation. Get him to interact with you in their presence first; friendship with the rest of the posse comes with time. He cannot see himself as part of the pack unless he is at first kindly brought in as a cub.

    I've just been dumped in the worst way, and am feeling a bit vengeful. Should I give in to these feelings?

    You might want to ask Dr. Phil.

    I'm actually in my garage, building weaponry after years of being picked on.

    I'm so intimidated by the bar scene, and I freeze up when a girl I'm interested in is surrounded by all of her friends. What's the secret to breaking the ice with a large group of gorgeous gals?

    Honey, you just asked the wrong guy. If I knew how women worked, I would have built my own a long time ago. Actually, I would have built more than one. Here is what doesn't work: opening jokes; lush, loose chest hair combined with a mustache; having your friends dress up as ninjas and "saving" her life.

    I get the feeling that I've scared off women in the past with my intensity. How can I make sure that I'm not coming on too strong?

    Intensity comes with insecurity. The best thing to do when you don't know how to act is to pretend to be completely amused. Keep smiling as though there is a secret that only you know. You'll be surprised by the results. You may even start to have fun.

    I often ruin the mood during sex by saying inappropriate things, such as "Would you mind not putting all your weight on my stomach? I may upchuck all over you." I want to distract myself by focusing on dirty talk. How should I ease into some down-and-dirty wordplay?

    Replace what you say but keep the meaning. Instead say, "I like it better when your weight is lower." There is no easing into word play. You're going to say something stupid and funny along the way. Just make sure it isn't somebody else's name.

    Peter, 23

    Engineers are adept at selecting the right tools for optimal functionality. What would you put into a first-date emergency kit?

    Fine wine, a smooth jazz CD, road flares, a jumper cable, two reflective blankets, a snake-bite kit and a box of Ghirardelli chocolates.

    You engineers always have a contingency plan, right? How should I bail out of an obviously unsuccessful date?

    Bail? Heck no! Unsuccessful dates are fusion reactions wherein awkwardness and forced dialogue combine to form hilarity. You owe it to your friends to stick it out, and then report every gruesome detail the next day over omelets and diner coffee.

    My man and I are always working. We barely have time left over for each other. It drives me crazy that he thinks that watching CSI together is sufficient for bonding. What's an ideal quickie date for us?

    Rooftops: They involve "sneaking" somewhere, you can stare at pretty lights (stars, buildings) and talk, you can bring alcohol, and you're a hop, skip, and two zippers away from an ultra-exciting "we're hooking up outside!" experience.

    Sometimes I feel less-than-sexual, and all I want to do is cuddle. My boyfriend often misinterprets this to mean that I'm looking for some "sexy time." How can I be sure I'm sending the right message?

    Be honest. Your boyfriend will interpret cuddling to mean "sexy time." He will interpret hugging as "sexy time." Simply looking at him means "sexy time." Not looking at him means "sexy time." Just had "sexy time?" Great, that means it's time for "sexy time." It doesn't take much to get us thinking sex, so just tell us up front.

    I'm intimidated by the bar scene, and I freeze up when a girl I'm interested in is surrounded by all of her friends. What's the secret to breaking the ice with a large group of gorgeous gals?

    See the Pick-Up Artist methods as illustrated by Mystery, because those are some impossible odds and you are going to have to cheat.

    What do you look for when choosing your ideal wingman?

    Must excel at shirtless homoerotic volleyball, gaining missile locks on Iceman and avoiding canopies while ejecting.

    I'm in a monogamous relationship, but continue to have dreams about my ex. Does this mean anything? How can I explore these feelings for my ex without hurting everyone involved?

    You guys broke up for a good reason. And if it was a dumb reason, you still shouldn't get back together, because that never works out. There are 301,139,947 people in the U.S. There is going to be another person perfect for you, somewhere out there.



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    ©2008, Inc.

    Commentarium (2 Comments)

    Dec 01 08 - 9:39am

    I am in love with Peter and Patrick. Although I live in Europe, it would be sweet to be a mail-order bride for either one (or both). Any hope?

    Dec 05 08 - 5:21am

    i agree, i'd hit on patrick in a heartbeat!

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