Dating Advice From . . . Gay Mexicans

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Marcos, 24


I just started seeing this girl and I stumbled upon her surprisingly expansive vibrator collection. Why would a girl need so many vibrators?
Congratulations! You’re dating every heterosexual male’s dream — a girl with a voracious sexual appetite. This means you’re going to get laid on a regular basis, by someone who knows what she’s doing. As for her plethora of props, there are a number of reasons why she’d have so many. Some people buy sex toys aspirationally, meaning even if they can’t fit them into a specific orifice at the moment, they hope to someday. Also, most sex-toy shops have a "no return" policy. And in girl-world, vibrators are often given casually as party favors. Finally, the only thing I can say to make you less anxious is that vibrators are to girls as porn is to boys. Would you want to watch the same porn movie every single time you masturbated?

I’m into this guy who has a girlfriend. Every time I go to one of his poetry readings, he reads pretty blatant stuff about a girl he’s so attracted to but can’t have. How can I find out if this is me?
Seriously? You actually want a guy who has a girlfriend — and is not only pining for someone else, but makes that despicable fact public via an open-mic night? You really want a guy who is too chicken-shit to break up with his current girlfriend and pursue the true object of his affection? You genuinely want a guy who, even if things between he and his current girlfriend ended and you both got together, would end up breaking your heart in the exact same way a few months later? Seriously?

Occasionally I cuddle with my male friends, and my boyfriend doesn’t like it. It’s not a sexual thing for me, but is he right that there’s no such thing as platonic cuddling?
Relationships are about a lot more than sex and you know it. Wouldn’t it bother you if you saw your boyfriend holding hands or hugging someone else, even if he told you it was "platonic?" The next time you feel the urge to cuddle a male friend platonically, call your boyfriend and ask if you can go over and cuddle him. Isn’t that what you’d rather do, anyway?

Why are gay Mexicans better lovers?
As much as I would like to confirm that, I can tell you from personal experience it is most definitely not. However, Nobel laureate James Watson, though widely criticized for his ignorant statements, believed that skin color and sun exposure play important roles in sexual potency. According to him, it’s "why you have Latin lovers. You’ve never heard of an English lover. Only an English patient."

My girlfriend laughs a lot during sex. I’m glad that she’s having a good time, but I still think it’s kind of weird. What’s her deal?
Sex is like an Adam Sandler movie. Some people laugh and some people don’t bother waiting for it to end before walking out of the theater and asking for their money back. If I were you, I’d just be thankful that she doesn’t cry, fart or bleed during it.

Josh, 25



I just started dating a Mexican guy. What’s the biggest cultural difference I should be aware of?
Most Mexican people our age are pretty acclimated to American culture, but their families may hold onto certain traditional values. If you meet a family, out of respect, you might want to offer to do some kitchen work. A big thing in my family is if the girl offers to serve food to her boyfriend, because that’s what the wives do in many traditional Mexican households. So if you don’t want to get death looks from the females, you might just want to offer it, just to be safe. Also, Mexicans are very tied to food. If you don’t compliment his mother’s cooking, she will hate you.

I just started seeing this girl and I stumbled upon her surprisingly expansive vibrator collection. Why would a girl need so many vibrators?
Shouldn’t the question should be why wouldn’t she have so many vibrators? If a guy had the option of masturbating with different hands, I’m sure he would take it. It’s not something you should worry about. A vibrator’s not going to cuddle you, or whisper sweet nothings in your ear. It’s a just a long cylinder that gets inside the vagina. Let’s not give it more power than it deserves.

The idea of using a strap-on on my boyfriend really turns me on, but I’m not sure he’d be into it. What can I do to convince him to try it?

That’s a daunting thing to throw at him. Start with a finger. Then maybe two. Feel out his comfort level. You’ve got to respect his boundaries, but you also want to go for it. And let him know that it doesn’t make him gay. A lot of straight guys worry it makes them gay. But it doesn’t.

How can I pick up a gay Mexican?
In any major city, most gay clubs will have gay Mexican nights. And depending how Mexican you want to let it get, it can get pretty Mexican. Like, you might need an English-Spanish dictionary. If that’s your fetish, then go ahead. Or, go to Tijuana.

Also, whenever you want to find something in the gay community, ask your local drag queen. They are like the oracles of the gay world. You want a leather bar, they can find it, an orgy, they can find it, a gay Mexican, they will find it. Have faith in those penis-tucking, wig-wearing, makeup-loving, sassy bitches, because they are nosy-as-fuck and know everything. They probably already knew you were looking for a gay Mexican.