Dating Confessions by You "Callin' me baby when I'm trying to get over you doesn't help. I just don't have the heart to ask you to stop because my heart skips a little each time you say it to me."
My boyfriend has no idea what to do when he's going down on me. How can I optimize his performance?
A girl I dated in college had a favorite trick she taught me. We were out in a bar one night, and she had a drink with a cherry in it. She asked me to tie the stem in a knot with my tongue, but I couldn't do it. She made me practice until I could. Then, one time when I was going down on her, she told me to do the "cherry-tying motion" around her clit. It was the specific movement that got her off, and she found a good analogy for it.
What makes for an optimal blowjob?
The underside of the tip is an especially sensitive spot. When a girl rubs it with her tongue while going down on me, it feels incredible. But don't do it too hard or pinch it.
So what should I get at the sushi bar if I'm looking for an aphrodisiac?
I'm friends with a couple who hate uni and sea urchin, but they come in and eat it anyway, tons of it. They say they go home and have incredible sex. I'm more of a texture person, especially salmon, which has a silky texture reminiscent of labia. And don't drink too much. Sushi doesn't mix too well with alcohol.
Food and sex: any good tips on combining the two?
There's a thin line between sexy and gross. Your favorite foods to eat may not translate well in the bedroom. I remember a catering company in New York where you could eat sushi off naked women, but they used powdered wasabi, which burns, and the girl got a rash from it, which wasn't appetizing to see. Good standbys are honey and chocolate. There's a scene in 9 1/2 Weeks of pouring milk across a woman's breasts. I tried it with warm milk with sugar stirred in, which made it even better. Obviously it's not for the lactose intolerant, but nothing is sexier than milk. It's the most basic sexual food.
My boyfriend has issues with premature ejaculation. What are some good techniques he can use to hold it long enough for me to get off?
Sometimes you just can't solve that problem, so work on oral. Have him go down on you until you get off, then he can take his two minutes to come. Or try to direct his attention away from hip movement to some other part of your body. Every guy has that problem when he's young. I dated a much older woman, and she would just start talking to me during sex, or direct me to do other things.
I've been seeing a new woman. We've slept together quite a few times, but she's not getting off. How should I broach the subject? What's to be done?
I dated a girl once who took Paxil, so it was really hard for her to get off. Certain drugs designed to keep you normal can have some unpleasant side effects. Ask her directly why she's not getting off. Also, not all women scream. So talk about it. Once you open up a dialogue, it's easier to find better ways.
How should you tell your lover if their hygiene needs improving?
You should tell them outright. Or make suggestions, like to try a new soap. One of my old roommates got a gift of Kiehl's products, but he wasn't into bathing, so he wouldn't use it. But then his girlfriend took a shower with him and gave him a handjob with the soap. He said it was the best one he'd ever had, and now he only uses Kiehl's.
Sydne, 32 Bond Street Sushi, Lower Manhattan
What sushi-making skills can you bring into the bedroom and use to enhance your sex life?
Gentle hands, precise movements and perseverance. The ability to go for a long time without stopping, without a bathroom break. And to scream at the right moments. When you're a sushi chef, you're screaming all day.
What is the one thing women want in bed that men aren't aware of?
Speed can be an issue. Just like in the restaurant, there are times to take it easy and times to kick into turbo.
What makes for an optimal blowjob?
Pretend it's a $26 order of blue fin toro. Be gentle and savor it.
What do the following sushi orders say about a person's sexual tendencies/characteristics: A man who only orders California Rolls?
He likes fake breasts. California Rolls are fake sushi, it's not real crab, it's imitation. A man who only orders Spicy Rolls and Dragon Rolls?
He likes the Spanish ladies — he likes it hot.
A woman who only orders Roe, Tobiko, and Quail Eggs?
She could be a lesbian. Or really into her own sexuality. Or probably she wants to get pregnant.
My girlfriend doesn't get creative during sex and prefers to stick to the usual position. I want to get crazy and try new tricks, but she's unenthused. How can I get her into it? Feed her oysters out of the shell. Seriously, it's not a myth. It will loosen her up. After my girlfriend and I have sex, I always try to get her to talk about what felt good, but she won't give me specifics. I think she's embarrassed. How do I get her to open up and communicate? Don't try after — do it during. She's more likely to respond if you catch her in the moment. Ask her if what you're doing feels good. That way she can just say "yes" or "move here" or whatever. She won't have to recollect it afterwards if she's shy. Do some figuring out, too, detective work. See what she reacts to during sex.
How does a person get a sushi chef to come home with them?
Sake, sake and more sake. But whatever happens, don't insult their food. Sushi chefs can be so moody. You say one wrong thing, and you might not even know you did it. They just won't speak to you again.
Ricardo, 31 Satsko, Alphabet City, NYC
What do the following sushi orders say about a person's sexual tendencies/characteristics: A man who only orders California Rolls?
He's the kind of guy who shaves his chest — and looks at himself in the mirror while he does it.
A man who only orders Spicy Rolls and Dragon Rolls?
He likes rough sex and would be playful. He's really into trying new things.
A woman who only orders Roe, Tobiko, and Quail Eggs?
She only likes missionary. It's hard to convince her to relax and express herself. She's self-conscious.
How should you tell your lover if her hygiene needs improving?
Straightforwardly: you need to wash yourself. Don't waste time trying to figure out how to say it.
Nothing gets you out of the mood faster than their kissing?
I'd break up with her. I couldn't date anyone who's a bad kisser. It's a sign she's not for you.
My sex drive has fallen lately. Do you have any suggestions for supplements or enhancers to rev it up again?
Seafood. I'm originally from Chile and the seafood there is so good it even works for hangovers. In the morning, you should have seafood and lemon. Oysters. Fuck, those are good. Or have a seafood soup with mussels, clams, shrimps, scallops, onion, garlic. Natural stuff leads to natural horniness.
Male bisexuality: myth or fact?
Neither. Both.
Is that a Zen brain-teaser?
There's no answer.
My boyfriend is really self-conscious about his body. Any tips for how I can make him feel better in the bedroom?
Go for a run together, and when you get back, have hot, sweaty sex. Tell him how tight his body looks. Get him into yoga and try the positions in the bedroom. His body will improve naturally if you compliment him while getting him to move it.
How does a person get a sushi chef to come home with them?
Good timing. The right look. And maybe just asking.
Satsko Watanabe, 45 Satsko, Alphabet City, NYC
What sushi-making skills can you bring into the bedroom and use to enhance your sex life?
Dexterity.
What is the one thing women want in bed that men aren't aware of?
Some men know what women want, others have no clue. Women want it slow. Men think that passionate bang-bang-bang is how to go, but I don't think so.
Rabbit sex is the worst.
Yes! And no tongue on the first kiss.
What makes for an optimal blowjob?
A woman has to love it.
If she doesn't?
Then don't do it.
What do the following sushi orders say about a person's sexual tendencies/characteristics: A man who only orders California rolls?
Boring!
A man who only orders spicy rolls and dragon rolls?
He has great potential as a lover.
A woman who only orders roe, tobiko and quail eggs?
This would be a Freudian slip. She wants to have a baby — time is ticking!
Food and sex: any good tips on combining the two?
Serve food on top of your lover. Satisfy the sexual appetite and the stomach at the same time.
Are you talking sushi here?
More like apples and cherries. Maybe that's how to entice the woman who doesn't like blowjobs — put a ring of pineapple around it. Or pasta.
In your experience, what's the most common mistake men/women make during sex? How can you tell someone to cut it out?
Overenthusiasm. Tell him to ease up and take it slow.
My girlfriend doesn't get creative during sex and prefers to stick to the usual position. I want to get crazy and try new tricks, but she's unenthused. How can I get her into it?
Joke around. Maybe smoke pot. If women don't want to do something, I say don't push it. But you have to tell her how fun it is. A guy is like a donkey — you can't get them to do what they don't want. Women are more flexible. Say how excited it will make you.
My girlfriend never instigates sex and I always have to make the first move. How do I get her to be more proactive?
Go see more soft porn together, rent some videos. Japan has instructional porn. But you have to speak Japanese. My friend wanted me to watch them with him, but I said no way because he doesn't speak Japanese. He wouldn't learn.
Group sex: any tips on how to bring in a third party when your lover is wary of threesomes?
Learn Japanese and watch those videos — they'll tell you.
My sex drive has fallen lately. Do you have any suggestions for supplements or enhancers to rev it up again?
Lay off carbohydrates. Carbohydrates lower sex drive; protein revs you up.
Male bisexuality: myth or fact?
Fact. Men can like men and women both easily. My baby's father is bisexual.
Did he end up with a man or a woman?
I don't know. I have no idea where he is. I should check.
Interviews and photos by Liza Gennatiempo.
Sex Advice From... appears on Thursdays. Do you have sex-advice questions for the general public? Send them to .
What sushi-making skills can you bring into the bedroom and use to enhance your sex life?
What sushi-making skills can you bring into the bedroom and use to enhance your sex life?