Sex Advice from Wedding Singers

Angela, early 30s
www.dancemachinetheband.com

I have a crush on my friend's maid of honor, who I don't see very often. Can I hit on her at the wedding?
Absolutely hit on her.

How does one hit on a maid of honor?
Tell her she looks better than the bridesmaids.

I'm dating a guy whose horrible dancing embarrasses me. What can I do?
Dance with your girlfriends.

What if he wants to dance with me?
Then go for a circle of people dancing. Just don't ever dance with him alone. As long as you stay with a group, you're not guilty by association.

At my friend's wedding reception, I caught her new husband making out with a bridesmaid. They didn't see me. How do I deal with this situation?
Never tell your friend. Because you'll never win. I know people who have spouses who cheat, and it seems like when I tell them, all they do is eliminate me as a friend. Because women kind of know when their man's a cheater. There are signs. So you're telling her something she already knows, something she's in denial about.

What's the best way to pick up a wedding singer?
When I was single, what worked well was when someone would act like they knew something about music. For example, "Your intonation is really fabulous." Or, "I like the way you paced yourself on that song, the timing was impeccable." Something that makes me think they know how to listen.

I'm usually passive during sex, but I want to try being dominant because I know my man will like it. How can I ease into this role?
The whole point of being dominant is that you can't ease into it. That in itself would be submissive. Put on some tall boots with pointy heels. Getting dressed up like that chick in The Matrix will help you get into the role.

I'm casually dating two guys in the same social circle and neither of them know I'm dating the other one. I accidentally gave one of them a hickey. How can I prevent the other guy from ever being the wiser?
Whenever I dated a lot of people at the same time, which I frequently did, if something like that happened I would always say, "Well, he's my friend, just like you're my friend."

Friends don't give each other hickeys.
I did. Everybody was my friend. It worked really well.

I'm a straight guy with a gay roommate. I think the roommate has been making passes at me. I don't want to risk making our living situation uncomfortable by bringing it up. How can I find out?
Ask him if he likes the way you look in pants. Say, "Do you like the way I look in these pants?" See if he drops any innuendos, or if he just says, "Yeah, they look alright."

My parents hate my fiancé's parents. What's good tension-relieving music for our wedding reception?
Earth, Wind and Fire. It makes everyone lose the attitude.


Michael, 27
https://www.mikefredo.com

What's the best way to pick up a wedding singer?
If you can sing, that's a plus. Ask if you can do a duet with them. Be like, "Hey, let's do 'Beauty and the Beast.'"

My girlfriend is going away for the summer and I want to know where we stand before she leaves, but I don't want to put her on the spot. How should I approach this?
Don't say anything. Let her do what she wants, and when she comes back, if she's still crazy about you then you know it was right all along.

What's the etiquette on answering the phone during sex?
Depends how much fun you're having. If it's just a normal thing and you're not enjoying it that much, go ahead and answer the phone. It might be another chick.

I'm casually dating two guys in the same social circle and neither of them know I'm dating the other one. I accidentally gave one of them a hickey. How can I prevent the other guy from ever being the wiser?
Sequester the dude with the hickey. Spend as much alone-time as you can with him until it wears off.

The guy I'm dating is self-conscious about his body and always wants to have sex in total darkness. How can I get him to turn on the lights?
Get The Clapper. Then when you're having sex, you can be like, "Ungh! Ungh! Ungghh!!" Clap clap! He won't be able to do anything about it.

Jama, 29

The last time I visited my ex, who lives far away, we had a romantic night and made out. I'm never going to get back together with him, but I feel guilty that my current boyfriend doesn't know. Should I tell him?
Don't tell him. You know, you just kissed the guy. You didn't sleep with him. Why torture your boyfriend and yourself? He was an old friend, he had a meaning in your life. It's not like you went out, picked some guy up at the bar and spent the weekend at his apartment.

My girlfriend is going to South America for the summer and I want to know where we stand before she leaves, but I don't want to put her on the spot. How should I approach this?
Be light about it. Say, "I've had a great time dating you and I hope you have a wonderful summer." Maybe before she leaves, take her out on a date to a South American restaurant, or take her dancing somewhere where they have that kind of music, or buy her a guidebook. Make an impression, and then call her when she gets back.

I'm casually dating two guys in the same social circle and neither of them know I'm dating the other one. I accidentally gave one a hickey. How can I prevent the other guy from ever being the wiser?
That's playing with fire. The hickey hasn't happened to me, but the friends-in-the-same-circle thing has. And they always find out. You have to be honest — delicately. When this happened to me I thought the guys would go crazy, but then I dated them both for six more months.

I'm considering dating this woman who's much better looking than I am, but I worry I'm setting myself up for heartbreak because she's bound to eventually get whisked away by someone more of her caliber. Am I crazy?
Oh, poo. I've dated lots of men who weren't as good-looking as me. And you know what? It doesn't matter. In my experience, men know if they're attracted to you from the very first moment and that doesn't really change. For a woman, she meets a guy and he's initially not that attractive to her, but when she gets to know him, he becomes very attractive.

How can I pick up a wedding singer?
Have manners and taste. I would never go for some drunken groomsman. And not sounding like a caveman would be great. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to say, "That Schubert was really beautiful."

What's the etiquette on answering the phone during sex?
Unless it's a turn-on for your partner, don't do it.


Barry, 51

I've been invited to a friend's wedding. I have a crush on the maid of honor, who I don't see very often. Can I hit on her at the wedding or is that in poor taste?
I think it's in bad taste. I would make contact at the wedding, and then follow up elsewhere.

I'm usually pretty passive in sex, but I want to try being dominant because I know my man would like it. How can I ease into this role?
You need to come right out and tell the guy, "This is what I want to do." Work it out verbally that everything is okay, because a lot of guys will back off when girls try something different that they're not expecting.

I'm dating a guy who always wants to do it in complete darkness. How can I get him to turn on the lights?
Have a dimmer installed and gradually inch it up higher.

My boyfriend's horrible dancing embarrasses me. What can I do?
I've seen this many times. A lot of girls will dance with him but keep their distance. But if it's a guy you genuinely like, you should take it in stride and your friends will too.

What's the etiquette on answering the phone during sex?
There is no etiquette. Don't answer the phone.

Never?
Not unless you have a situation where you're waiting to hear about an impending emergency.

And if you had an impending emergency, you probably wouldn't be having sex in the first place.
Some people wouldn't.