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Girl Scouts breed "pro-abortion" lesbians, says Republican

By Ray Rahman on Sep 9th, 2010  |  Comments (58)

Hans Zeiger says that Girl Scouts are a breeding ground for pro-abortion, lesbian feminists.

Sometimes you can actually hear Republicans think to themselves, "Fuck it, I'm going to go for it." That's what Hans Zeiger, a Republican who hopes to join Washington State's House of Representatives, must have been thinking when he claimed that the Girl Scouts are godless, baby-murdering lesbians.

You're right, it's not fair of me to twist his words. Here, watch him twist them himself:

The Girl Scouts allow homosexuals and atheists to join their ranks, and they have become a pro-abortion, feminist training corps. If the Girl Scouts of America can't get back to teaching real character, perhaps it will be time to look for our cookies elsewhere.

Those green vests are pretty gay, but something just doesn't add up here. I mean, if all Girl Scouts went on to become either homosexual women or straight baby killers, then there would be no more girls, and thus no more Girl Scouts. And if there are no Girl Scouts, there are no Girl Scout cookies. And if there are no Girl Scout cookies, then... then there is no God, oh shit, Hans Zeiger is right! Noooooo!

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Comments ( 58 )

hahaha, hilarious.
Badland commented on Sep 09 10 at 10:28 am
Girl Scouts are being taught to be empowered and make choices about their lives just like Boy Scouts? Not that!
Demanda commented on Sep 09 10 at 11:04 am
Boyscouts are also taught the valuable skill of how to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge, their pedophilia inclined Scout Masters.
Badland commented on Sep 09 10 at 11:15 am
Could it be that the GSA allows gays and atheists because they don't want to spend their energy and money fighting discrimination complaints like the BSA has to do? Or maybe they practice some form of 'Don't ask, don't tell'? What sort of 'real character' would Mr Ziegler prefer that the GSA teach? Since cookies are bad for you, why should anyone be selling them?
Q99 commented on Sep 09 10 at 12:00 pm
what district is in running in? i want to call his office thank you
Bruce commented on Sep 09 10 at 12:24 pm
Actually the boyscouts teach conformity and religion.
Tip commented on Sep 09 10 at 1:10 pm
I was in girl scouts and I have a boyfriend and think that abortion is a personal choice, probably not something i would do, unless in an extreme case.
Cheryl commented on Sep 09 10 at 1:12 pm
That would be Hans Zeiger, and he is running for the Washington 25th District.
md commented on Sep 09 10 at 1:57 pm
Thanks md, you're correct on both accounts; the proper amendments have been made.
Ray Rahman commented on Sep 09 10 at 2:02 pm
I was in Boy Scouts for over 8 years, and I can say that in my troop/pack, religion was not very central to what we did at all, nor was conformity a central tenet. We were all encouraged to do what interested us and to be ourselves, by the time i was 16-18, the kids I had grown up in the scouts with were everything from pot smoking hippies, to footballer jocks, to mohawked and pierced punks. It taught me a lot about various things and I wouldn't trade it for the world. As for the pedophilia, I'd say it's definitely far less spread in scouts than it is in churches.
JB410 commented on Sep 09 10 at 2:23 pm
p.s. You meant to say Catholic Churches ~ Redditor
r-editor commented on Sep 09 10 at 2:39 pm
I've long been puzzled by the bizarre connection, in the conservative mind, between lesbians and abortion. I mean, it's the straight girls who get knocked up...
Dana commented on Sep 09 10 at 3:03 pm
Sometimes I wonder why The Onion hasn't just given up in despair.
Vixy commented on Sep 09 10 at 3:21 pm
It's amazing how ignorant some people can be. Even more amazing that they will display that ignorance in public. I am a girl scout 30 yrs past, and I am neither a lesbian or a baby-killer. Do we really have to start picking on the babies, our next generation, our hope? Please say "NO".
redfoxinict commented on Sep 09 10 at 5:25 pm
Is this like the Jerry Fallwell thing of a few years back that one of the TELETUBBIES was gay and recruiting yioung children into the life from the TV screen? LOL!
Cookie commented on Sep 09 10 at 5:27 pm
Why the hell would lesbians need abortions anyway?
BJ commented on Sep 09 10 at 5:50 pm
@ redfoxinict It IS amazing how ignorant some people can be. Abortion is not baby-killing, and yet you called it that.
Ali commented on Sep 09 10 at 5:57 pm
"if all Girl Scouts went on to become homosexual women then there would be no more girls, and thus no more Girl Scouts." You do know that Lesbians can still breed?
It is true commented on Sep 09 10 at 6:24 pm
@It is true: Nonetheless, if the Girl Scouts of America has its way, those capital-L lesbians will still be godless, "pro-abortion" feminists. ; )
Ray Rahman commented on Sep 09 10 at 6:35 pm
I don't care if they are a taliban sleeper cell from the planet of the apes.... GIMME MY THINMINTS!!!
Jimy commented on Sep 09 10 at 6:57 pm
As a lifelong Girl Scout, I'd just like to note that the proper name of the organization is, "Girl Scouts of the United States of America," or GSUSA, not "Girl Scouts of America." It's only the Boy Scouts who use "America" to mean the United States, when it properly refers to two whole continents. Also, I would have to agree somewhat with the characterization of GSUSA as a "feminist training corps." The tagline for the organization is "Girl Scouts. Where girls grow strong," and we seek to empower girls to fulfill their potential. Since feminism is just the radical notion that women are people, that mission sounds pretty feminist to me. Of course, I think that's a *good* thing.
AMS commented on Sep 09 10 at 7:52 pm
It would appear that the politician is a few ounces short of a full box of fruit loops. Apparently keeping your mouth shut until your brain is engaged is a lost art with republicans.
ErnestPayne commented on Sep 09 10 at 10:12 pm
I was just told this by a friend a few hours ago and until now thought it was just a hilarious article on the onion.
Megan commented on Sep 09 10 at 10:18 pm
the republicians are so funny
lyndia commented on Sep 09 10 at 11:01 pm
I laughed until I realized I am a pro abortion ex-girlscout lesbian... so that's what happened. It's a good thing there are republicans here to warn the next generation
person commented on Sep 09 10 at 11:40 pm
Mmmm... cooookies. LOL!! I was never a Girl Scout, but always wanted to be!!! THAT explains why I'm a pro-abortion lesbian!!!
Kirsten commented on Sep 10 10 at 1:01 am
If ANYONE tried to teach my children that being Gay was ok, They would have a very angry mom to deal with. I will teach my children what is right and wrong, NOT the girlscouts, not the boyscouts, and certainly NOT the media.
Rebublicansupermom commented on Sep 10 10 at 1:11 am
You mean that they teach...gasp...young girls about their rights and choices AND how to stand up for those, if they wish? That it's okay to be gay, unmarried, an atheist or even worse, a vegetarian? Seriously America, it's time to let your kids out of the dark ages.
Libby commented on Sep 10 10 at 1:50 am
I, for one, welcome our new pro-abortion lesbian overlords!
Anonymous commented on Sep 10 10 at 2:23 am
i shared this on fb & twitter. i don't remember any pro-abortion, lesbian chants while making sit-upons, but it did pique my interest in capitalism by encouraging me to sell the MOST COOKIES EVER! simply for the badges alone. great article!
barb sobel commented on Sep 10 10 at 3:13 am
I didn't know you could 'teach' homosexuality. Learnn something new every day
rebubMomIsRetarded commented on Sep 10 10 at 3:13 am
Don't lie, sweetie. We all lick carpet now and again. Lick Carpet --- damn the children!
Mark commented on Sep 10 10 at 3:13 am
Correct headline: Republicans breed ultra-"conservative", boneheaded fascist catholibans, says common sense.
A_Friend commented on Sep 10 10 at 5:57 am
Unbelieveable. In a world now wraught with poor media portrayals of girls and women, Girl Scouts is one of the few places girls really get to open up and be themselves. Share with each other their fears and dreams, learn to be strong leaders and that boys/men do not dictate their self-worth. Not to mention that Girl Scouts, individuals and troops, all over the country provide thousands if not millions of hours of service to their communities each year. Mr. Zeiger is clearly misinformed about the role of GSUSA.
Sarah commented on Sep 10 10 at 9:56 am
Well, I was in girl scouts, but all the older girls scouts in my troop in high school were pregnant republicans married to their farmer republican husbands by their senior year. Now I decided to become a bisexual girl scout and even a republican. So I can have babies, do have babies, am a girl scout leader, and I like women and men. But I don't bring any of that into my meetings. I just teach the girls how to camp, build a fire, take care of the earth, recycle, volunteer for non-profit entities and that sort of thing. You know help the world be a better place. Those activities that most wealthy republicans don't take the time to teach their kids they just throw money at. See I'm just a poor Republican. Now, I don't recall ever talking with them about abortion, atheism, agnosticism. We've talked science, done a lot of engineering experiments because only 20% of all girls go into science after they graduate. Trying to change that a bit. Oh I forgot, there was that one time I taught them about Native American Spirituality because we were on Indian sacred land. I think he forgot to say that we teach them to be heathens as well, but then that wouldn't have gone with the atheist thing at all, because heathens actually believe in a God type figure just not his. Blessings to you all and all those Republicans including myself! Aho!
messedup! commented on Sep 10 10 at 10:46 am
The Girl Scouts I belonged to practiced community, sharing, developing social and supportive bonds with other girls, woods craft and appreciation of nature, traditionally feminine skills (it was the Sixties and care not just for ourselves, but for our communities. Battening on and getting fat from the body politic, ignoring the poor and helping the rich to get wealthy, and sending the Boy Scouts off to wars in which their leaders had no plan and goals and always ended by throwing in the towel and leaving our guys and the people where they fought worse off was something we left to politicians.
Tamora Pierce commented on Sep 10 10 at 11:30 am
so that's whats wrong with my sister? lmbo shes a GS leader with 3 kids and one ex hubs. ( omg she must be a man hater) man that is the biggest load of crap i ever heard of. i was in GS and trust me i like my hubs in the bedroom to much to be a liz-bo.
marie commented on Sep 10 10 at 11:54 am
I think he's confusing a porno website he visited with reality.
Professor Smartass commented on Sep 10 10 at 1:39 pm
@Rebublicansupermom: "If ANYONE tried to teach my children that being Gay was ok, They would have a very angry mom to deal with...." And watch your children grow up to be dumbass republican like yourself.
PenboyX commented on Sep 10 10 at 2:52 pm
It's terribly amusing to watch some male freaking out and thrashing wildly while wailing about his and his gender's impending loss of status and relevance, innit?
butts lol commented on Sep 10 10 at 4:38 pm
Girl Scouts. Now they're slamming the sunnuvabitchin Girl Scouts. Just who IS right-wing enough for these guys?
Thomas Brown commented on Sep 10 10 at 4:44 pm
What's so bad about being an Atheist? Did I miss something? Did your worth as a US citizen suddenly become linked to which deity you worship?
Alverant commented on Sep 10 10 at 5:59 pm
why all this talk about abortion...dont they know that aspirin can prevent pregnency...all you have to do is teach them to hold it between their knees a bit longer and dont drop it...
hallie commented on Sep 10 10 at 6:36 pm
If one eats eggs, is one then called a chicken killer?
third_stone commented on Sep 10 10 at 6:48 pm
Hmmm, I wonder what is wrong with my two straight Girls Scout Gold Award recipients?? They aren't gay AND as far as I know they haven't killed any babies...
Julie commented on Sep 10 10 at 7:45 pm
I thought this guy's name looked familiar so I did about 30 seconds of research. Yep, he and I had a back-and-forth several years ago, about some anti-non-Christian-religion statements he made. I reminded him that part of the BSA Scout Oath - he's an Eagle Scout, BTW - includes being "reverent", which doesn't just mean practicing one's own religion but accepting that others have their own religions. And now he's lashing out against GSUSA for daring to encourage girls to be the best they can be. What an absolute nutcase he is.
Kimmer commented on Sep 10 10 at 7:45 pm
As an avowed tomboy who wanted to be a Cub Scout more than anything else, I can safely say that the Girl Scouts were not even tomboy-friendly, let alone lesbian-friendly, when I was a kid. After all, what self-respecting tomboy would spend all day in her friggin' Catholic school skirt and then choose to wear a lame-ass green skirt instead of going home to jeans, t-shirts and Converse? So I don't think many butch lesbians would like it any better than this tomboy did! Cookie sales, crafts and cooking? I wanted to earn badges in outdoorsmanship, handyman and woodworking (ah, power tools)! I finally had to settle for 4H, which was fun and allowed pants. When my little guy became a Cub Scout, I was in heaven - he enjoyed himself, and I finally got to enter the forbidden world of Cub Scouting! (And it was every bit as fun as I had imagined!) Hilarious post -enjoyed it immensely! You have a reat voice as a satirist.
mommapolitico commented on Sep 11 10 at 12:55 am
As an avowed tomboy who wanted to be a Cub Scout more than anything else, I can safely say that the Girl Scouts were not even tomboy-friendly, let alone lesbian-friendly, when I was a kid. After all, what self-respecting tomboy would spend all day in her friggin' Catholic school skirt and then choose to wear a lame-ass green skirt instead of going home to jeans, t-shirts and Converse? So I don't think many butch lesbians would like it any better than this tomboy did! Cookie sales, crafts and cooking? I wanted to earn badges in outdoorsmanship, handyman and woodworking (ah, power tools)! I finally had to settle for 4H, which was fun and allowed pants. When my little guy became a Cub Scout, I was in heaven - he enjoyed himself, and I finally got to enter the forbidden world of Cub Scouting! (And it was every bit as fun as I had imagined!) Hilarious post -enjoyed it immensely! You have a great voice as a satirist.
mommapolitico commented on Sep 11 10 at 12:56 am
This is really quite insulting...as someone who proudly serves the military, I protect all the rights of ALL people. I don't care what you are. If anything, I think the GSA have it right in not discriminating against anyone to join their ranks. It should be about character, not about who you love. People seem to forget one thing about America. You have the right to choose. To attack that really attacks the very core of our nation, something I believe that our modern day politicians have forgotten. To attack the girl scouts in this fashion...i just have to say it's rather pathetic.
Seaman Hawk, USN commented on Sep 11 10 at 1:15 am
So /that's/ what made me a pro-choice, lesbian, feminist atheist. It all makes sense now.
Sophie commented on Sep 11 10 at 4:09 am

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