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here comes a time in every person's life when they realize they adore me. Yours has come." So declares the back cover of Sebastian Horsley's Dandy in the Underworld, a memoir written in such lilting, self-congratulating style, it should repulse. But Horsley is right (and would surely be shocked you ever doubted him) — despite his sclerotic narcissism and self-absorption, by the time I got to the last page, I was putty.

With a relentless fountain of fizzy one-liners, Horsley's book details a life of sex with hookers, gleeful drug addiction, infidelity and a public crucifixion for publicity's sake. He's been banned from the U.S. for the crime of "moral turpitude," and likes to wear stovepipe hats and nail polish. Whether this is all a pose is irrelevant, he says. "Authenticity is very difficult pose to keep up, so really I don't think that there is any real difference between invented and real. I don't really have a private life."

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Horsley spoke to Hooksexup about Francis Bacon, punk rock, the perversion of monogamy and why paying for sex is less expensive than getting it for free. — Alexandra Godfrey

What's the definition of dandyism?
It's a form of self-worship that dispenses with the need to find happiness from others, especially women. It's a way of taking up a position of ironic detachment from the world and living it out in scrupulous detail.

Do you consider it an act of rebellion?
True dandyism is quite rebellious, really. It's a way of stripping yourself of everything, except your true self, so you can only judge the style by the content, but you can only reach the content through the style. It's a shield, it's a crown, it's a sword. It's a protection against vulnerability and it's a celebration of life.

When did you become a dandy?
It's not a vocation, it's a condition. It's really something that can't be helped. I started very young, I was eight or nine years old when the whole thing really kicked off. I'm forty-five now, and it's a kind of martyrdom in a funny way. You have to give up a lot of the things that many people want, like marriage and children and homes and happiness — all things that don't matter, incidentally [laughs]. I always feel that life is really rather meaningless, and the only way of tolerating existence is to lose yourself in a perpetual orgy of absurdity.

Would you say that you and other dandies are caricatures of yourselves?
To a certain extent, yes. My role as a poser is a pose, it's a way of deepening the mystery of life. If you announce yourself in this way, of course, you're going to irritate quite a lot of people. I do understand that. But once things heat up, the snow melts and you get to see the dog shit underneath. So in a way, it's quite a nice way to be, because you're only left with people who can see through you, but still enjoy the view.

Is dandyism nature or nurture?
I used to think that it was all nurture and very little nature, but as I've gotten older I think its all nature and very little nurture. Of course things influence you. I'm a very influenced person, and I modeled myself very deliberately on my heroes — whether it was Marc Bolan or punk rock or Francis Bacon. I'm a very artificial person.

Sebastian Horsley with Rachel 2 and Tampon

In your book, you declare everyone is a fraud, including you, but the difference is that you're admitting it.
Yes, as I say in the book, look at the doctors and accountants and writers and dentists. They think they're real people, but to a certain extent they're face paint. We're all face paint. We don't know who we are, really, do we? We try to grasp at it in the dark and define ourselves, but everything you say about yourself, you can also say the opposite, can't you?

You call yourself an old-fashioned romantic, but you prefer to have sex with prostitutes. Can you explain that?
You can have romantic relationships with prostitutes. You can fall in love with prostitutes, and I have, and that's quite a bizarre journey. And you can have unromantic sex with strangers, can't you? I like prostitutes. I've always liked them, they really turn me on, I love paying for it, you know? They're muses for me. I've painted them, I've written about them, they're my subjects, and I find the exchange between the prostitute and the client is very honest. It's a bit like the addict and the dealer. It's a mutually beneficial and exploitative relationship, and to a certain extent I find it very pure.

That sounds depressing.
Not everything that smells is garbage! I have a very strong attraction to what I suppose would be called the dark side of existence. I find a lot of truth there. And of course, I like that in art too. To a certain extent, I cherish my taste for the grotesque, if that's what you want to call it, because a man who doesn't understand grotesque is like a harp that lacks a bass string.

So what's the difference between sleeping with or having a relationship with a prostitute, as opposed to someone you meet in a more traditional way?
The difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.

What happens when you fall in love with a prostitute?
Oh, it's just disaster. And just because I see prostitutes doesn't mean I can't find love. I have my girl, Rachel 2, my muse. I'm completely in love with her, but we go to see prostitutes together, and she sends prostitutes to me, and she goes off and does things and it keeps our love affair alive and exciting.

Of all the sexual perversions, monogamy is the most unnatural. It's like being asked to stand on one leg for the rest of your life.

She must be a strong woman to be able to watch the man she loves going off and sleeping with somebody else.
Exactly. Well, I mean now that we're talking about sex, let's really talk about it. Last week, I seduced a woman and brought her back here, and Rachel 2 hid in the cupboard while I made love to this girl. And Rachel 2 and I had a little code going on between us, so that I was talking to the girl and mentioning Rachel 2, and God, it was so exciting.

How does Rachel 2 feel when you have sex with other people? Does she ever get jealous?
Jealousy is a sign of ill breeding, my darling. Rachel 2 is a very special woman. It makes her happy. It turns her on. That's why she chose me, because I would do that for her. Infidelities are gifts. Lovers generally want to share the loved one's thoughts, then keep them in bondage. They say no strings, then fashion a noose. But love is always open arms. With arms open you allow love to come and go as it will, freely, for it'll do so anyway.

I assume you have a low opinion of monogamy.
Of all the sexual perversions, it's the most unnatural. It's like being asked to stand on one leg for the rest of your life.

So you and Rachel 2 have an open relationship?
Our relationship isn't open. It's more ajar.

Does Rachel 2 sleep with other people?
Rachel 2 has had other women lovers, and the odd man.

What role does homosexuality or bisexuality play in dandyism?
Normal sex and love are problematic for the dandy. Regular love, marriage and normal sex represent species sameness and, as such, the defeat of individuality. The only place a dandy would push a pram is into a river. This ties in with homosexuality. Homosexuality is God's way of ensuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children. You see, at its greatest, homosexuality can be a protest against species sameness, against the submergence of individuality into the body. The truly gifted and free spirited attempt to bypass the family as the instrument of distinctive procreation.

So this is the dandy pose as a double-sex being. In me, it's not too far from truth — I am a catalogue of false positions. My brain is male, but my character is feminine. Any perversion is better than normalcy. Voltaire said, "Once a philosopher, always a pervert." Horsley said "Once a dandy, always a pervert."

Well Sebastian, you've certainly made me think.
Oh, I'm sorry about that, darling.

Don't apologize.
If you make people think they're thinking, then they love you, but if you really make people think, they dislike you.  

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To order Dandy In the Underworld: An Unauthorized Autobiography (P.S.), click here.

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