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The Remote Island

Top Ten Reasons To Bring Back Tom Selleck As "Magnum P.I."

Posted by Bryan Christian

It's time to bring back everyone's favorite island investigator. Meet us after the jump for our reasons why.

1. 'Cause everyone else is already doing it...

As we mentioned the other day, Burn Notice is kind of like Magnum crossed with MacGyver. And those two shows share a similar structure to many many other shows today: stranger comes into quirky main character's life and asks for help; main character helps out and solves a crime; bad guys get locked up; stranger and main character part ways, leaving main character to his many personal quirks. See what we mean? Heck, forget Burn Notice! You got your Monks there, and your Psychs, and a few CBS shows, including the freaking Ghost Whisperer. Sure, we could go one step further back and say "Well, they're all children of Rockford, aren't they." And yeah, they are. But you think David Chase is gonna put any of that Sopranos money into putting James Garner into a Pontiac Firebird again? Seems unlikely. On the other hand, Donald P. Bellisario, the creator of Magnum, maintains an active relationship with CBS to this day, producing police and investigation dramas like NCIS and many others, and we just know he'd be up for it Tom Selleck was. Which brings us to...

2. ... but no one's doing it with Tom Selleck.

We remember exactly the moment we realized Tom Selleck was the bomb. Sure, we always knew that he could action it up, and looked good without a shirt and stuff, but that moment for us was when he was on Friends, and we were like "Hang on; he's handsome and he can do comedy and he doesn't seem out of place with people 20 years younger than him?" And he didn't. Put it this way: CBS spent 5 years making us think Don Johnson wasn't a grody old drunk with Nash Bridges. Think of what they could do with Tom Selleck at it again! Plus, wouldn't he like to take a little break from playing self-destructive gumshoe Jesse Stone?

3. 'Cause mustaches need to come back.

OK, maybe we're partial, but really: it's time for real mustaches to return. Not little hipster ones, we're talking about here, but big ones. Manly ones. The kind that would jump off a face, rub themselves down with shoe polish, sneak into a lagoon hideaway and un-kidnap a beautiful island princess. Exactly the kind worn by Thomas Goddamn Magnum.

4. 'Cause if you think about it, Thomas Magnum is pretty much The Big Lebowski's The Dude for Republicans.

You don't believe us? You got your white guy sports enthusiast of indeterminate income and perhaps-overly-eventful Nixon-era biography, hanging out in sunny climes and bumping into people in trouble, helping them shambolically out of their jams with the assistance of their wacky friends, and then moseying on along with their lives. Huh? Right? They're basically the same guy.  We couldn't make this stuff up, people! Don't right-wingers deserve a Dude too?

5. Because others have already kind of done it but not all the way.

Supporting characters RIck and TC appeared on Las Vegas a few years ago -- yes, after Tom Selleck had replaced James Caan. OK, so, they weren't exactly the same guys. But they had similar names, similar professions, and were played by the same cats, so basically they were thinly veiled versions of the original guys hanging around Tom Selleck. Subtle, right? And there have been a couple other Magnum references on Las Vegas as well...


... but come on! Did they go all the way with it? No. Sadly, they kept to their 90210 in a casino schtick -- which, we admit, we kind of loved, but it ain't no Magnum. So, maybe it's time for the real deal?

6. Because it probably means we'd get a Quantum Leap revival too.

Among the other programs that Mr. Bellisario has been responsible for over the years was the '90's time-travel drama Quantum Leap. In fact, at one point, a crossover episode was planned with Leap star Scott Bakula jumping into Magnum's body and giving his trademark eyebrow-raise thingy -- but the footage was never used. Now, as some of you may know, Bakula's character Sam Beckett (nerd spoiler alert!) never found his way home in the final episode of the Leap. Maybe after we check in with Magnum, we can get Sam some closure too?

7. Because a successful TV revival will hopefully put an ixnay on the inevitably bloated, shamefully unfunny Hollywood version.

According to Wikipedia, "it was reported Matthew McConaughey would play Magnum, with Steve Zahn as Rick, Tyrese Gibson as T.C., and William H. Macy as Higgins in an adaptation "to be released in 2009." Now, that was supposed to be written and directed by the guy that did Dodgeball, which, you know, fat chance now. But still: a successful reboot of the original series would probably go a long way towards inoculating it from the satirical eye of whatever Stiller/Apatow acolytes might come a'sniffin'.

8. Because we'd like to see Thomas Magnum get right with what happened to him in Vietnam.

Even just a little! Magnum thought that his wife had died during the final pullout in VIetnam. Now that relations with Vietnam are fairly good, and guys formerly stationed there revisit the country fairly often, it'd be great to see him tackle something similar. We're not asking for much here: no evil twin sister that pops out of the woodwork or anything. Just, you know, a little scene of him playing with kids on the beach, and someone going "Hey, where's that," and he goes "Nha Trang. It's still beautiful," and that's it. Little moments, you know?

9. Because Lost ain't gonna film forever.

Did you guys know that Magnum PI was created in part because CBS still had a bunch of filming facilities on the island of Oahu following the run of Hawaii-Five-O? When Jack and the rest of the castaways on Lost finally burn through their planned hundred-episode arc in a couple years, are you gonna let Hawaii go show-less? We didn't think so. Another possible Lost connection: Lost producer Carlton Cuse created Nash Bridges and The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. before hitting it big on The Island. You see where we're going here? Nash Bridges + Brisco County Jr. + Hawaii + Tom Selleck = STELLAR!!!

10. Because, dude, seriously: Tom Selleck is the shit.

He's still got it! Check him out, he grows avocadoes and had permission from his wife to have "coffee" with Sophia Loren! WIN!


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

jwgruener said:

Actually, Magnum does see his wife, Michelle, again. Twice. The second time was a different actress, but either way, she blew up in a car explosion. Whether his daughter did or not is still an open question, I believe.

Also, they did go back to Viet Nam once, though they went under the ruse of rescuing a buddy from Cambodia. But they did make a peace, of sorts, with the country.

July 24, 2008 8:11 PM

Bryan Christian said:

See, this is why I need every one of my friends to volunteer to be an expert on one show! nice work, jwg!

July 25, 2008 11:07 AM

Chocklit said:

Dude, this feels so right...and they better hurry, before I wear out my DVD set of Magnum P.I. Season 1!  

August 5, 2008 7:11 PM

farkHooksexup said:

Magnum's daughter, Lilly is alive and living with Thomas as he re-upped in the Navy during the last episode.

August 8, 2008 12:21 PM

About Bryan Christian

Bryan Christian has worked as a writer for Epicurious, GenArt and ID magazine; a web producer for WWD and Condé Nast; and a cameraman for his friends. He's married and lives in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn.

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Bryan Christian has worked as a writer for Epicurious, GenArt and ID magazine; a web producer for WWD and Condé Nast; and a cameraman for his friends. He's married with roommate and lives in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn.

Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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