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Bad Valentines

February 14th is rapidly approaching, and for a lot of us, that means resurfaced memories of bad Chinese food, awkward goodnight kisses, and half-hearted masturbation. If you still cringe at the thought of terrible V-days past—like that one time you went on a double-date alone—we’d like to hear about it. Send your best story, in 200-300 words, over to .